


Scarlet Letter

by Rizzleslvr72



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-27
Updated: 2012-06-27
Packaged: 2017-11-08 16:44:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 65,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/445318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rizzleslvr72/pseuds/Rizzleslvr72
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tragedy opens Maura's eyes to her feelings for Jane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a long one. Enjoy.

Maura tapped the end button on her cell phone and peered down at the remaining illumination. It gave her bedroom a dim, eerie glow.  It was a macabre fit for the situation. Suddenly, inky blackness surrounded her once more, and Maura could almost pretend that the past few minutes had been a nightmare. Moving like a mechanical automaton, she reached for her bedside lamp. The light it provided was almost harsh in the safety of the darkness.

She looked down at her hands as they found purchase in her lap. They shook uncontrollably. Piece by piece, Maura began noticing the signs of her body rebelling. Skin that had been pleasantly warmed by the central heating unit now felt as if it were crawling, trying to detach itself from her body. The staccato beat of her heart burned within the very chest cavity it was positioned. It was then that Maura noticed she was not breathing. She attempted to take a deep breath and whimpered to find it was literally impossible.

The heavy weight of emptiness and the unknown was crushing, and the pain was decidedly physical. A hole was forming where her heart and lungs used to be and it was going to swallow her completely.

The rational side of her brain spoke calmly to her, telling her to recognize the signs of panic and shock. Meanwhile, there was an irrational part that was literally screaming about loss and pain and begging her to react like any human would.

Jane was ---.

It was a thought that Maura wasn't ready to complete.

For a few seconds, she stood outside her body wondering at the vehemence of her reaction. Others in her life had been injured even lost. The pain had never been so acute.

The screaming became louder. It was a horrid sound even encased in her own mind. It was not to be ignored.  Humanity and irrationality had won, and it was enough to galvanize her into action.

Jane was ---.

Maura moved about the room like a tornado, destroying everything she touched. Her normally pristine chest of drawers had imploded, and her closets had regurgitated their contents all over hard wood floors.

The gaping maw in her chest expanded. The contents of her stomach moved around the organ slickly. The world felt tilted and askew.

Jane was ---.

The tears started, and they nearly blinded Maura with their intensity. She didn't have the wherewithal to wipe them away. With still trembling hands, she pulled on a parka to protect from the bitter cold and to keep herself from flying apart.

Still, it was too late. She was fragmented, splintered. "Oh, God," she sobbed. "Jane's been shot."

**

Robert Pearson watched the red blip on the heart monitor as it moved up and down. The beeping that followed it was like music to his ears. He then turned minutely to watch the slow rise and fall of Jane Rizzoli's chest. Relief unlike any he'd ever known flooded him, and he knew the people who huddled on the other side of the hospital bed felt the same.  Angela Rizzoli was flanked on both sides by the men in her life, providing her comfort and solace and drawing it from each other. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. They felt gritty and swollen. Understanding radiated from the dark gazes directed at him. For the first time in the six months he and Jane had been dating, Robert felt like he belonged. Family only...it was a term the doctor stressed, and he ended up with prime seating.

He reached out for a hand encased in white tape and lined with IV tubes, holding it gently within his own. Robert almost smiled. Any other time, the gesture would have drawn her ire and seen as weakness. Jane detested weakness.

He peered down at the bedridden form. Still other tubes started at her nose and disappeared to parts unknown to him. They seemed to swallow her. Naturally tanned skin was sallow and pale. Jane looked tiny and helpless whereas she usually stood tall and ready to take on the world with a bold fierceness that often burned him with its brightness. Robert felt contrite and guilty as he realized he liked her much better as a regular woman not the larger than life persona that often presented itself. He washed the thought from his brain and replaced it with _she's alive._

It seemed like forever ago since Jane had returned from surgery, and Robert waited with baited breath to see luminous brown eyes open and smile at him. As if getting his wish, he stood expectantly and watched as eyelids opened slowly. He wanted to be the first thing she saw. 

Robert could see that her gaze was unfocused and glassy. "Jane?" He said excitedly.

Dry, split lips parted on a groan. Then, they pursed as words formed. He glanced up to see the rest of the Rizzoli clan leaning forward. Hope shined in their faces.

"Maura."  Jane's tone was deep, gravely, but the word was unmistakable.

Robert's forehead crinkled in consternation. He knew the woman was a good friend, and that had been the reasoning behind the Rizzoli's notifying her as well as her others on the police force, but they were not family. He assumed that was why they caved so easily when he suggested that they wait until Jane was out of surgery to notify others. For a few seconds, Robert was speechless.

"Janie… baby?" Angela Rizzoli filled the silence.

"Ma?" Jane's head turned slowly as if even a simple action was painful.

"We're all here. Maura's on her way."

"Kay…Frankie?"

Frank Rizzoli Jr. leaned down as his sister addressed him. "Yeah, sis?"

"D-did they get him?"

"Oh yeah, got that bastard good. You left them a big chunk to finish off." He answered.

"Teach me to go out for beer at eleven o'clock at night, huh?"

The Rizzoli's chuckled.

"Teach that guy not to fuck with a Rizzoli." Frankie added.

Irritation flowed through Robert in waves. He didn't like the feeling of invisibility. He cleared his throat. Three sets of eyes glanced at him.

"Bob's here too, sweetie." Frank Sr. added.

Robert cringed.  He hated that derivation of his name, and he was fairly sure the senior Rizzoli was aware of this. He chased the negativity away and smiled when pain filled eyes finally looked his way. "Hey you."

 "Hey." Jane muttered and attempted a tremulous smile before her eyes closed again.

Clenching his jaw, Robert continued to smile despite the disappointment that barreled through him. _She's alive_. He kept telling himself.

**

Maura was not sure how she made it to Boston Medical unscathed. She didn't recall stopping at any traffic lights or yielding to any right of ways. Her body worked on auto pilot, and her mind had been blissfully quiet in its attempt to rationalize the entire situation.

Running on adrenaline, Maura scurried out of her car.  Miniscule amounts of snow and ice crunched under her feet. She burst through the hospital doors and ignored the hustle and bustle around her as she followed the arrows that pointed toward the ICU. Maura was frantic in her search. People milled about looking for their own destinations. Some of them parted to let her pass while others Maura simply walked through.

No one else mattered.

Maura rounded the corner to her destination. Before she could get to the nurses' station, he name was whispered loudly. She ignored it.

"Maura!"

The voice sounded familiar but seemed so very far away.

"Dr. Isles."

A warm hand wrapped around her upper arm. Finally, Maura turned at the intrusion. Korsak stared back at her. He was drawn haggard and accompanied by Frost.

Maura blinked at him.

Her name was said again much louder, and it was followed by a hard shake. Maura's head snapped back with the force of it.

"Maura, she's fine. Do you hear me? She's fine."

Maura blinked again and shook her head to clear it. She glanced from Korsak to Frost and back again.

"She's just got out of surgery not too long ago," Frost added.

"I-I don't understand. Why—" Maura sank into a hard plastic waiting room chair. Her voice was thick and hoarse. "Why didn't anyone call me when it happened?"

Two  sets of eyes fell to the floor.

"Don't know, I guess we got the call when you did. We just got here about ten minutes ago," Frost answered. He rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. "We finished up pretty late tonight. From what I understand, she got home and went to the corner store. Some whacked out crack head came in right after her trying to rob the place. Jane took him down hard." Frost paused as he sat down heavily beside Maura. "They wrestled with the gun and he got her in the gut. Somehow, she got back up identified herself as a detective. The kid behind the counter threw her a gun. She got the stupid fuck shit in the back on his way out, but he was so hopped up that he just kept on running. Some beat cops on duty took him out a few blocks down when he waved the gun at them too."

Korsak took up residence in the chair on the other side of Maura. "That's about the long and short of it."

Maura took in every word, turning the reality of it over in her head. Emotion flooded her already overwhelmed body.

Jane was all right.

She wanted to believe the words, but only hard evidence would fill and heal what had been ripped open. "Have either of you been in to see her?"

Frost shook his head, "No, family only."

"Are the Rizzoli's--?" Maura started to ask.

"They're in there along with some guy---tall, blonde hair."

"Robert," Maura muttered.

"Who?" Korsak asked.

"The man she's been dating."

Bushy salt and pepper eyebrows rose high on his forehead. "Oh… I see. She knows how to play it close to the chest if she wants to."

Frost nodded. "That she does."

"Did you ask Angela or Frank for permission?" Maura was confused.

Korsak scratched at his stubble-laden jaw. "Nah, that Robert guy gave us a report. We didn’t even get to speak with them except for the phone call."

"We're family too. It doesn't make sense I don’t think the Rizzoli's would do this." Frustrated and suddenly hot, Maura took off the coat and left it bunched behind her. 

Korsak put a hand on her shoulder. "Their daughter's been shot. I'm sure they're not thinking straight."

"I-I need to see her."

"I know the feeling doc, but it looks like—"

Frustration turned to anger and irritation. Maura shifted away from his touch. There was no comfort he could offer. "No, no you don't know the feeling. She's all I have…my family. I need to see her."

Without another word, Maura stood up and left the waiting room, ignoring the eyes the followed her. Lashing out at them was not the answer, but at the moment, they were just in the way. Maura ambled through the hallway as a myriad of ideas suffused her. Some were feasible and some were not. As she passed a supply closet, feasibility went up a notch.

The door that should have been locked was slightly ajar. Maura scanned the area before ducking in. A few minutes later she emerged clothed in green scrubs and a surgeon's cap. The clothes she left behind were on no consequence.

Maura disregarded her name being called as she breezed past the waiting area on her way to the nurse's station.  Immersing herself in the role, she scanned the board, listing an array of patients until she saw the name she was looking for.

The doctor in her reared its head. Maura reached for the chart. A two foot section of Jane's small intestines had been removed. She sighed inwardly, knowing that the probability of complications down the line were slim.

The nurse behind the desk nodded in her direction but continued to talk on the phone.

Not hesitating for a moment, Maura headed for her destination in a brisk walk. Her heart pounded in a strange combination of fear and anticipation as she neared. She pushed the door open.

The feeling of intrusion was overwhelming for Maura as she observed the crush of bodies surrounding Jane. Determined, the feeling passed quickly.  Maura marched toward the scene with purpose.

Angela Rizzoli was the first to detect her presence.  "Maura!"

Maura was suddenly engulfed in a hug. Within seconds, she was surrounded by Rizzoli's.

Frank Sr. wrapped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. "Janie's a tough broad. Kinda like in that show…what was it? Cagney and Lacey." His expression was thoughtful but tired.

Maura laughed but it quickly turned to a sob. Eyes turned to her in shock but understanding. Maura knew it was the most emotion they had ever seen her display. She nodded and wiped at her eyes.

"She woke up asking for you," Frankie announced.

"She did?" Maura was surprised but relief settled deeply within her. It was a feeling she would dissect later.

Frankie nodded.

Maura was suddenly aware of another set of eyes on her. She glanced upward to see Robert, holding Jane's hand and peering at her with utter resentment. Taken aback, he blinked and it was gone.  At the moment, there were more important things. Maura's gaze found the most important sight of all.

The world that seemed to teeter before her not too long ago righted itself. Maura moved forward slowly. With each step, a piece of her returned. She reached out, touching Jane's sheet covered foot.  It was teeming with warmth, and to Maura it meant life. _It's real. She's okay._

She ambled up the opposite side of the bed. Maura watched as Jane's chest expanded and retracted with each breath. It took a few seconds for Maura to realize that subsequently, she had patterned her own breathing to fit Jane's.  Her eyes raked hungrily over Jane's face, checking and memorizing every feature as if she had not seen them a million times before. Wisps of dark hair flopped over Jane's forehead and cheeks. Maura reached out, brushing the tendrils away. Needing the connection, Maura's fingertips trailed over soft skin.

Jane's eyelids fluttered and lifted gradually as if they weighed a ton. Maura waited for brown eyes to focus. When they did, Maura's breath caught and her smile nearly split her face in two. The world around them disappeared.

"Jane." Maura's voice broke.

"H-hey."

"Jane," Maura repeated reverently.

"Can…you write me script…" Jane swallowed. "… for what they're giving me? Good drugs."

The room went silent just before it burst with laughter.

Maura sighed and shook her head. _She is very okay._ "Jane," her tone was affectionately exasperated.

Jane's smirk was shaky but it was still there.

A throat cleared loudly, bringing everyone's attention to the culprit.

Jane turned, and Maura could read the surprise on her face. "Rob. Didn't know you were here." She rasped.

Maura noted curiously that the smile Robert radiated didn't reach his eyes. "Been here the whole time. Holding your hand. We talked earlier. Remember?"

"Sorry…no."

He brought Jane's hand to his lips. "It's okay. Just know that I'm right here. Your parents called me first. I got here as soon as I could."

Maura bristled slightly as she wondered exactly what he was insinuating. Discreetly, she observed him. This was only their third meeting in spite of the circumstance. He was a perfect male specimen physically, but since their initial introduction there had been something ----

Maura glanced at the Rizzoli's. They looked away from the display of affection, glancing at the floor and each other in an uncomfortable silence.

"Maura, I would have called earlier, but I just wasn't thinking straight, and Robert said—" Angela Rizzoli blurted.

"It's okay, Mrs. Rizzoli."  Maura smiled at the pointed look aimed her way. "Sorry, Angela. Korsak said as much."

A hand flew to Angela's mouth. "God, I forgot about them. I'm sure they want to see her."

"Mrs. Rizzoli? I don't think that would be a good—" Robert added.

"I'll go get them." Maura interrupted. _What on earth is wrong with this man?_

"But I'm sure the hospital frowns on so many visitors in one room." Robert continued.

"What are they gonna do. Kick us out?" Frankie snorted. "You stay here." He pointed at Maura.  "I'll go get them."

Maura's attention returned to where it needed to be only to find Jane asleep again.

Unidentifiable emotions swirled within her. This alone confounded Maura. Her reverie was interrupted by the hulking presence that seemed to loom. Not to mention the top of her head was on fire. Maura met the gaze burning into her. His expression was one of challenge. She canted her head to the side and peered at him quizzically, curiously.

"Maura." He said in greeting. His voice was hard like flint.

The tension between them was thick and stew like in its consistency, but it was of his own creation.

Maura continued to stare at him trying to decipher the conundrum. Giving up for the moment, Maura's lips lifted at the corners offering him a grin.  There was no reason she could think of not to be civil. "Robert or do you prefer Bob?"

Maura was puzzled by the muffled laugh behind her. It sounded suspiciously like Frank Sr.

"I prefer Robert or Rob." He growled.

"Ah, I see." Maura reached across the bed, offering her hand.

It seemed to hang there for an eternity before he engulfed her hand with his own.

"Nice to see you…again." Robert mumbled with a forced smile.

Maura could feel her forehead wrinkle. _What is wrong here?_   Maura ended the mockery of a handshake. She stepped away and met the gazes of the Rizzoli's, knowing that their expressions were just as perplexed as her own.


	2. Chapter 2

Jane awakened as a familiar hand brushed over her cheek then her forehead. She fought valiantly against the heaviness of her eyelids and won. A figure swam into view. "Rob?"

"Hey, good looking."

Jane smiled. "Not so much right now I bet." She took stock of her body and decided she felt a step below road kill.

"Especially right now. You're definitely getting you color back, and you look stronger." He leaned closer, touching her forehead with warm lips.

"Where is everybody?" Jane husked.

"Life goes on now that we know you're okay, but I'm sure they'll be back to see you."

"What about you? You have work too." Jane cleared her throat.

"I thought someone needed to be here when you woke up. I'm going in a little later. One of the guys is covering for me until I get there."

A comfortable silence lapsed between them.

"You scared me…you know?" Robert's voice cracked.

Jane could see the worry and sincerity shining in green eyes. "I know, but I can't let something like that happen right in front of me. You know that."

"I do. I know I don't want to lose you either." Robert's gaze was fierce and intense.

Something tugged at Jane's heart. She was his universe. It was a new but intoxicating feeling, and she had become an addict. Jane reached up and trailed her fingertips over his face. She was well aware that her family barely tolerated him since he often came off as overbearing, but that was aspect of him not associated with her individually. He was sweet, thoughtful and very caring with a few archaic ideals Jane figured she could ignore. Otherwise, Robert fit her like a well worn pair of jeans or shoes---soft, comfortable, and safe. For this, Jane could deal with the rolling eyes of her family. Jane had learned long ago that passion was overrated. It flamed bright but fizzled to almost nothing, leaving her alone and wanting. It was a mistake she was unlikely to repeat with him. "I'm not going anywhere."

Robert brought errant fingertips to his lips. "Promise?"

"Promise."

"I need to be honest about something." Robert muttered.

"Yeah?"

"I liked taking care of even though I wish the circumstances were different. I'm not so into Jane the hero cop as I am the woman."

To other ears, the statement would have been categorized as offensive but it was just what Jane needed. She had grown tired of men's expectations of her, and Jane figured this time around the separation was needed. During the day, she was Detective Rizzoli, and at night, she was just Jane.  It had been a difficult dichotomy to pull off, but it was as safe as houses. Her gaze lowered to her lap. "I have a confession to make too. What you just said…it's one of the things I like about you."

Dark blonde brows rose, "Like?"

"I'm sorry. I haven't caught up with you yet, but I might…eventually."

"Don't worry. I'll help you along as much as I can." Robert smiled then sighed.  "You know, I was beginning to think your family was warming up to me."

"Don't stress about that. It's been ages since they've liked anyone I brought home." _Except Maura._ "I'm used to it."

"They seem to really like Maura."

"Well, I'm not dating her. Am I? Besides, I've known her forever. She's my best friend."  Jane paused trying to swallow down a surge of guilt. "I've been neglecting her a lot lately."

A blanket of quiet covered them, but it wasn't of the comfortable kind.

"You're not jealous of that are you?"

Robert waved her away. "No that would be juvenile and petty. Of course I am."

Jane wanted to chuckle but had the feeling it would hurt so she settled for a look of indulgence. "I'm not dating her." Jane reiterated.

"I know, but—" His mouth snapped shut, but Jane knew there was more he wanted to say.

"But what?" She could hear the irritation in her own voice.

"Nothing. You're right. It's juvenile and petty."

"No, you said that. I'm just agreeing with you."

Robert laughed. "All right. I get the point."

Jane yawned as tiredness seeped into every pore. "Good. You can go now. I'm sleepy as hell."

Robert leaned forward for a brief kiss. It was warm, satisfying, but lacking in zing. Jane watched as he exited the room and refused to listen to the little voice screaming at her about the evils of settling.

**

"While this would seem the obvious cause of death, it's misleading." Maura pointed at the gaping hole in the man's chest where a rather large cleaver used to be. "There was a considerable lack of blood loss here."  Maura pointed at the area. The wound was deep enough to see tissue and bone.

Frost glanced up at her with glassy eyes and a decidedly green expression. "Sink," Maura muttered as he raced toward the apparatus in question.

A few minutes later Frost returned. "Sorry, normally that wouldn't be enough to get me going, but it's been a particularly stressful day. I'm only running on a couple of hours of sleep."

"Understandable."  Maura peered quickly at her watch. It was lunch time and she had plans. "He was strangled then stabbed. It had to be someone incredibly strong. See the imprint of the hands here?"

They both leaned forward.

"His larynx was crushed."

"Speaking of which. You think I'd be strong enough to do that to Korsak?"

Maura stared at him for several seconds. "You're being facetious. I take it you two are not meshing well?"

"Got that right. He sure as hell ain't all that and a bag of chips." Frost rubbed a hand over his head.

"Pardon?"  Maura asked as she attempted to figure out what chips and Korsak had in common.

Frost chuckled. "Let's just say I can already tell from the first day that he's no Jane."

Maura smiled at the mention of the other woman's name. "No, there's only one."

"Thank Mr. and Mrs. Rizzoli for that."  Frost grinned. "You gonna go see her soon?"

"I hope to spend my lunch hour there. I wanted to stay later this morning but duty called."

"Whatcha gonna do if Superman is there?"

"Who?"

Frost rolled his eyes. "She needs to get back on her feet fast. We need a translator.  I mean, that Robert dude."

"Wait my turn I suppose."

"I gotta tell you Doc. I just met the guy, and I already don't like him. He comes off as captain save a ho."

"Are you referring to Jane as a whore?" Maura's tone was incredulous.

Frost laughed outright. "Oh God no! And if you even hint at it to her, she'll have my balls. It's just an expression. I get stuck in the early nineties sometimes. A good hard smack in the back of the head usually unsticks me."

"Should I assume that Jane does the honors?"

"You would be right."

"I wouldn't be adverse to it if it would help. Does she connect closer to the brain stem or higher on the cranial plate?"

Frost blinked at her for several seconds. "You scare me." He deadpanned.

"You would not be the first man to mention that."

"Uh huh, bet you would scare the shit out of that Robert guy. It seems like she could do better than that."

Maura shook her head, remembering Robert's reaction to her presence. "No, he seemed upset with me somehow. I've only met him few times, and it hasn't been enough form a strong opinion. I do know, however, there is something about him, but maybe Jane is privy to something we are not."

"Just something? The guy talked to me and Korsak like we stank. His nose was screwed up the whole time. I don't think he likes our kind around."

"What do you mean?"

"Cops."

"I'm not." Maura said.

"Yeah, you're only her best friend." Frost stated.

"Why would he be threatened by me?"

"Maybe he's more jealous. You guys have known each other forever. There's this weird bond thing going on."

"Bond thing?" Maura asked.

"Uh," Frost laughed nervously. "You know…like your own little world."

Maura looked away as a sudden rush of heat suffused her face. The action itself left her confused as much as his words did. Still, what Frost described had not been present as of late. Whereas before, they spoke almost every night and saw each other frequently, but now, Maura considered herself fortunate to hear from Jane once a week outside work let alone actually see her.  "I…hadn't realized that."

"No big. I'm on the outside looking in remember?"

"I suppose."

"Tell her I'll swing by after my shift, especially since we got the green light to visit."

Maura nodded and watched as Frost left. She removed the latex gloves with a loud snap and covered the unfortunate man on her slab with a sheet.  Her mind wandered. The emotions bombarding her as of the last ten hours were leaving her unsure and scattered. It was not a condition she was accustomed to. Jane was on the mend and that was of the utmost importance, but her reaction to the entire ordeal had been stronger than she expected. There had been happiness and relief, but there was something so much deeper that Maura had yet to scratch the surface. It was within her grasp but eluding her by inches. It was most frustrating.

Knowing it would do little good to dwell, Maura headed toward her office to gather her things. She had a lunch date. Date. She paused at the thought. In reference to Jane, it made little sense, but it lingered. As did the hope that they would have some time alone without intrusion…without Robert.

*

They were blissfully alone. Maura peered down at Jane's sleeping form with a tenderness that she was unaware of possessing, and she knew that she would have been satisfied with that act alone for an indeterminate amount of time. This gave Maura pause. _What's happening to me?_   The need to brush away dark wisps of hair that seemed to perpetually block Jane's features was overwhelming.  Maura sat down to steady herself, but her gaze remained fixed on Jane.

Closed eyelids did not hide the signs of rapid eye movement. Maura watched mesmerized and wondered if the dream featured her.

A gasp escaped Jane's mouth, and it was followed by a low groan of, "No."

Maura rose from the chair.

"No! Maura!"

Maura heard enough. She reached out smoothing back the hair she had only studied a few minutes before. "Shh, I'm here, Jane."

Browns eyes blinked open. "M-maura?"

"Yes, I'm here."

"Oh God." Jane sobbed. Her hands shook as she reached out, grasping Maura and pulling her closer.

A tingle raced down Maura's spine, nearly making her jump back in surprise. Maura steadied herself and leaned in as close as possible. "Careful. I don't want to hurt you."

Frightened eyes looked back at her. "He got you. He g-got you instead of me."

Maura's heart contracted. "It's okay. I'm here. See? Feel me."  Jane's hands continued to tremble as they traced up Maura's arms to her face. Maura leaned into the touch. "See, I'm here." Her voice was thick with emotion. Unable to deal with it all, Maura returned to what she knew. "This is a normal reaction to the trauma you've been through. You've never been shot before."

Jane nodded and continued to watch her with wild eyes. "I was so scared. I didn't know anything could hurt that bad, but I-I couldn't just let him go. Y-you know? I had to get back up. I-I had to."

Maura was shaken by the privilege she had just been given. She had seen Jane in many forms but never this vulnerable. "I know. That's who you are. I would never change a thing." Jane's grip loosened, but Maura refused to move away.

Through the tears, Jane smiled. "No, you wouldn't."  She paused and somehow managed to look thoughtful. "Can you get in here with me?"

Maura laughed despite the seriousness of the situation. "No, this bed is decidedly smaller than yours."

"I knew that. I was just wondering if you were paying attention."

"Those are some great drugs aren't they?"

"Yah."

"Jane?"

"Hmm?"

Maura wrestled with herself but the truth won. "I've missed you." A tiny weight lifted.

Jane's eyes caressed her own. Maura looked away. The bursting inside her chest nearly took her breath.

"Hey, don't do that."

Maura peered down at the thin hospital issued blanket. "Do what?" She murmured.

"Turn away from me." Jane whispered huskily. "But I did that to you. Didn't I?  I'm sorry. I'm an asshole."

Maura made a sound of protest in the back of her throat. "No. You're in love." Maura cringed inwardly and continued as their eyes met again. "It often happens to women especially. I'm referring to losing touch with your friends." _That shouldn’t hurt so much to say._

"Maybe, but I never said I was in love."

"I just assumed."

"I have my reasons for being with him. I do care about him a lot, but I can't forget about everybody else, especially you."

Maura's heart thudded.

"I missed you too." Jane's lips slipped into a slow smirk. "And the Google-ese."

Maura blushed. "Frost did say something about a translator."

"I think I might check to see if there's extra pay in that."

"Jane!"

"What? It's hard work. You with the Internet and Frost with his…well I don't know what the hell that is."

"Maybe you could explain something to me then?"

"Something Frost said?"

"Yes. What is a captain save a ho? I believe that's the correct connotation."

Weak laughter burst from Jane. Followed by "Oww, shit. Don't make me laugh."

"I also offered to help, but he didn't seem to know what part of his head—"

"Ha! God kill me now." Jane tried to stop the barrage of chuckles.

"Jane? Do you need more pain medication?" Maura attempted to move away.

"No, no don't go." Jane snagged Maura's hand with her own.

The tingle returned stronger than before and settled low in her belly. Maura peered from their adjoined appendages back to Jane's face. Dark eyes seemed to burn. The entanglement ended abruptly and Maura was unsure who prompted its elimination.

The quiet stretched over the tension, hiding it nicely.

"Um, did you eat lunch? You can have my Jell-o. It should be here in a few minutes."

Maura smiled and sat down again. "No, I had a late breakfast."

"Croissants with butter and marmalade." Jane stated. Her eyes twinkled.

Maura blushed for the second time in Jane's presence. "You know me well."

"I do. Which is why I know you don't blush, but I've seen it twice. I may be on some good shit, but I'm a detective after all."

Maura bit her bottom lip.

"You don't do that either."

Maura's breathing stilted in her chest, knowing where Jane's eyes were. She swallowed. "I suppose it's because I'm feeling more than I know what to do with right now."

"I'm okay, Maura."

"I know. I just need time to get back to normal." Maura knew the words to be truth in some aspect, but she could not ignore the nagging feeling that things would never be the same again. Still, normal was a relative term after all.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm so tired. How long does it take to recover from something like this?"

"It could be up to two weeks before you engage in moderate activity. A few more before you're even considered ready to work."

Jane groaned but it turned into a yawn. "Thanks Britannica." Her eyes closed. "Will you stay for a little while…in case I dream again?"

"I'll be here."

"Promise?" Jane mumbled.

"I promise." Maura whispered.

Maura engaged in her new favorite past time for several minutes. She brought a hand to her chest, willing her heart to slow its erratic beating. Epiphany slammed into her in a tsunami sized wave. Maura closed her eyes and fought it with a will that was just as strong. When the illusion of equilibrium returned, Maura turned to go.

She opened the door only to find Robert waiting just outside it. The desire to ignore him was incredibly strong, and Maura decided to follow it.

A hand wrapped around her forearm, stopping Maura's progress. She turned and nearly slammed into the wall of anger that radiated from him. Maura bristled at his audacity.

He leaned into her in an attempt to intimidate.

Maura met his gaze and refused to look away. "You will release me."

"I heard everything…saw everything." Robert growled.

"And I am unsure in what derivation of realities gives you the right to approach me this way…despite what you’ve heard." Maura paused. "Now. Release me. I won't ask again."

His grip tightened.

With her free hand, Maura squeezed his wrist until he mewled in pain. He peered at her accusingly.

"We both can't have her." Robert spat the words.

"I assure you there's more than enough of Jane to go around to those who care for her."

"I should have made sure that you didn't hear about the shooting. She doesn’t give a damn about you anymore."

"Why delude yourself? You know better. The control that you think you have is an illusion, and the anger you have toward me solidifies that fact." Maura enunciated each word carefully, deepening their impact.

"She listens to me. Her family listens to me." He stated weakly.

"Then you don't know her or them at all."

"We both can't—"

"Yes, I have better than average hearing."

"You want her just like I do. I saw it. It's written all over you."

Maura opened her mouth to speak and to deny. Her body sagged in defeat. The wave of knowledge she kept at bay, drowned her.  With the help of a drug addict, the dam burst. At first, her acknowledgment was only a nod, but the truth needed to be in the form of words. "Yes."

"You need to stay away. Give us a chance—"

"Despite what you saw, there's nothing between us. There will be nothing between us." Hearing the words out loud bolstered her belief in them. "Your anger and jealousy are misplaced." Maura paused. "As for staying away….I can't. I won't. She's my best friend." _I need something._

The rage seemed to seep from him. He looked tired, gaunt. "What am I supposed to do? She showed you things that she refuses me. I love her, and I know she could love me."

Maura stared at him refusing to let the pity come.  "There are several things but you could start with being an accurate representation of the male of the species."

"Are you going to tell her…about me?"

"No. At the moment, this is between us."


	3. Scarlet Letter Chapter 3

Jane grumbled.  It was a true sign that she was on the mend. Never mind the fact she had been moved from ICU to a regular room just this morning.  Jane grumbled again. She was a woman of action, and action was most certainly not being saddled to a hospital bed with a hole in her gut. Jane was bored and playing with the controls on the bed had only been exciting for a few seconds at most before she settled on a comfortable position—slightly reclining.  It came back around full circle, she was still bored, irritated, and still in a fair amount of pain. She had gotten used the mind numbing drugs fairly quickly, and she was able to see through the fog to the environment around her, and the environment she knew had changed—dramatically. 

The last three days were loaded with a myriad of occurrences and situations that left her reeling. Her first thought went to Maura. Jane knew she could be an asshole but she was no idiot. The fundamentals between her and Maura had changed. There was no room in her for denial. Each time their eyes met and every time they touched whether accidentally or planned her nerve endings sparked to life.

It scared Jane shitless.

It had been ages since she had been attracted to a woman. The police academy? Until recently, Jane had always considered it a fluke, a stage, a fucked up indiscretion that she was unlikely to repeat again. Jane smirked, and the hottest sex she could ever remember having.

Still, this was Maura.

Maura was not safe.

Lights flashed and horns blared every time she was around. If Jane looked close enough, she was sure to see the word danger imprinted on every piece of exposed skin.

Jane swallowed in attempts to lubricate a suddenly dry throat. _All of this because some shitty fuckhead shot me?_   _I'm seeing her through rose colored glasses now? That door should’ve stayed closed and locked._   Jane refused to believe it. Something didn't come from nothing. It had to have been there before, hiding, lurking and waiting to fuck them up all to hell. It had to be. _What the hell am I going to do about it?_

Maybe it was the drugs. Jane snorted. What was she going to do about it? Absolutely nothing. If it were even a possibility, Jane knew it would be the one to get under her skin like nothing else had and flay her alive. She liked her skin, and when it ended because it always did she wanted her skin for protection. That was it…that was all. End of story. There was no room in her for that either.

She would suck it up and be safe with Bob. Jane blinked. Rob.

Jane felt her forehead wrinkle. Now, that was another story all together. He had been acting very strangely the past few days. He jumped every time her door opened and seemed to be in a perpetual cold sweat. Puppy dog eyes that begged for everything before were somehow larger and down right pleading, and now, he hovered.

Jane thought it was cute at first, but now she could barely breathe when he was around. Jane had to grit her teeth and swallow the need to smack his hand when it lingered on her all cold and clammy. She knew she had to tell him, and Jane was certain that it would hurt his feelings. The aggravation was just too much right now, and she wanted to say it not spray it all over him in anger. Jane couldn't break his heart…wouldn't break his heart for any reason. He had been good to her and still hung on tolerating her and her occasional lack of enthusiasm concerning him.

He deserved better.

Jane silently convinced herself that there was a Maura switch that could simply be flipped to the off position. Yep, safe as houses…with her skin and friendship intact. Yep.  All they needed to do was talk about it and get on the same page. Yep. Simple as pie.

Despite the seriousness of her thoughts, Jane was still bored.

The door opened, and she looked up hopefully, only to see a nurse entering, carrying suspicious looking supplies. Susan was a good nurse by anyone's standards, but she wasn't the one that brought the drugs. It made her moot in Jane's eyes.

"Not time for Tammy yet?" Jane asked irritably.

"No, but how about a sponge bath? You have to be feeling grimy."

"The fuck?" Jane's eyebrows had migrated high on her forehead. Apparently, she had not gotten the memo. Only one person was allowed to do that.

Susan blushed. "Sponge bath?" She repeated uncertainly.

"Come again?"

The door swooshed open once more.

Susan sighed. "Sponge bath. You and me. I think you heard me."

"Ohh, can I watch? I promise I won't tell." Frost asked innocently.

"Well if it isn’t captain save a ho."

"Today? Why yes, yes I am." Frost smile went from the nurse to Jane.

Jane rolled her eyes. His appearance instantly perked things up. Korsak had been a great partner but Frost was the right choice despite the turmoil it caused. Frost was like a third brother infuriating, endearing, but always there.

"Why don’t you leave that with me?" Frost's head dipped to read her name tag. "Susan? I'm the only one she lets touch her."

Susan peered at them both suspiciously. "Uh huh." She sat the supplies on the nearby table before exiting.

Frost smacked his lips and glanced at his partner. "Did I do good?"

"The more I get to know you the more I see that you're fucked in the head."

"Somehow coming from you, it's so not an insult."

Jane's gaze narrowed. "Careful."

"Nah, I don't play it safe."

She cringed inwardly. "What the hell are you doing here this time of day? And where's Korsak?"

"Tied up in the trunk. You can have him really."

Jane grinned, knowing that Korsak would eventually grow on him. "He is an acquired taste."

"Well, it tastes fucking nasty."

"I have apple juice if you want it. Cleanse your palate." Jane's tone was playful. _This is so going to be fun._

Frost glanced around the room. Jane knew all he would see was the clear pitcher of water.

"Huh? Where?"

Jane threw the covers to the side and pointed at the nearly full bag of urine attached to the side of her bed.

"God dammit Jane!"

Jane chuckled. She wasn’t bored anymore. "No? Not for you?"

"Do you want me to call Susan back in here?"

"Nah, my mom will take care of it when she comes." Jane blanched. It was so the wrong thing to say to him.

Frost paused and peered at her. A slow smile took over his face. "You only let your mommy see you naked?"

Jane scowled. "Shut. The fuck. Up."

Frost bellowed with laughter. "Oh God!" He wheezed and doubled over.

After a few long seconds, the laughter dissolved into chuckles.  "What about Bob?"

"Excellent movie."

He groaned. "You know what I mean. He's your man. Let him do the sponge bath. I'm sure he's seen you naked." He threw himself in the chair beside her bed.

"I don't think so."

"He hasn't?"

"Of course he has.  Doesn't mean I want him cleaning my…whoha."

Frost looked like he was about to cry. "Only your mommy can right?"

"Stop it."

"Can't help it. You make it so easy. They need to keep you on those drugs."

Jane pointed a finger at him in warning.

He held up his hands. "All right, but you're not sitting there sulking anymore are you?"

"No," Jane mumbled.

"Mmm hmm. Maura been by yet?"

"No, not until this afternoon I imagine. She does have to work."

"Don’t know. She's been kinda distracted the last couple of days."

"Well, I was shot."

"Mmm, there's something…." Frost smirked. "Ooh, she could give the sponge bath." He closed his eyes. "In one of those candy striper uniforms."

Jane tried fervently to get her mind not to go there, but it went anyway. Her stomach clenched, but she knew she had to say something. "You so did not use your inside voice!"

"Oh shit, sorry."

Jane wanted to throw something at him.

"What? I'm human. I am a man."

"A nasty, nasty fucking man. Keep your dirty thoughts away from her."

"Okay, okay. She's my friend too. It was just a passing thought. I don’t have fantasies or anything."

"Good. I would hate to have to rip out your asshole and feed it to you on potato bread."

"Ack. Man, that's some fucked up imagery." His face was screwed in abject disgust.

 _So is what you put in my head. Damn it._  "I know."

The door opened again, admitting Robert.

Jane's gaze snapped back to Frost when she heard him sigh. She raised an eyebrow at him.

Frost shrugged. "You want me to go?" His expression turned goofy. "Or are you gonna chance the sponge bath with him? You're a woman, and they change their minds all the time."

"No, and I hate you."

"Whatever, woman."

Robert coughed. They both turned to him.

"Hey." Jane smiled.

Frost nodded.

 Apparently, he took it as invitation. Suddenly, he was looming over her and his lips felt as though they swallowed her head. Jane ended the kiss with a sound of protest and a shove. "Rob?" She asked incredulously. "What the fuck? You don't see him here?"

Robert stepped away quickly but not before she saw the flash of hurt in his eyes. Jane swore silently.

Frost stared down at his feet.

"Sorry, I just…missed you." Robert said.

The puppy dog eyes were back, and for a big burly construction worker he did them well. Jane sighed. "It's okay. Frost was just entertaining me."

Frost snorted and stood.

"Well, he doesn't have to stay. I can do that." Robert's tone left much to be desired.

Jane saw Frost do a double take.

"Not like I can." A muscle jumped in her partner's cheek.

_What in the blue furry fuck!?_

Blue and brown eyes clashed above her.

"I meant no offense." Robert stated.

Jane saw something sparkle in blue eyes.

"Yeah, tell me that cause I'm black." Frost retorted.

"I think you were right when I first walked in. It's time for you to leave." Robert's voice was dripping with condescension.

"What the hell? It's not just dicks in the room here!" Jane exclaimed. "Rob, why don't you take a fucking walk and figure out why you can't tell everybody what to do. Barry, you stay your ass right here."

They continued to peer at it other as if they were about to lock horns.

"Now!"  The muscles in Jane's abdomen protested her vehemence loudly. She gritted her teeth to fight the pain. Jane ignored the puppy dog look as Robert trailed out the door.

Once they were alone, Jane tried to stare a hole in Frost's face. "What the hell, man?"

Frost shrugged. "That guy, Jane. He makes my ass itch. He was a total asshole to me and Korsak the night you were shot."

"What?" _He wouldn’t do that._ "That doesn't sound like him. He can be a bit of a chest thumper, but he was probably just upset."

"You're making excuses."

"Am not!" Jane exclaimed.

"Shit yeah you are."

 _Shit. Yeah, I am._ "Barry—"

"Uh unh, don't Barry me. I see why you kept him secret. They guy is a dick smack."

"What?" Jane asked looking for clarification.

"A jerk off."

"He's always been good to me."

"Yeah, but shit to everyone else I bet. Your parents like him?" Frost asked.

"I don’t care if they do or not."

"Oh, it's like that? You could've died Rizzoli, and you're gonna live your life like this? You can do better."

Jane turned away. "I don't want to do better."  It even sounded pathetic to her own ears.

Seconds ticked by quietly.

"Oh, so it's like **_that_** _."_

Jane nodded but refused to look at him. "Just let it go Frost. He's not going to hurt me."

"Aww, Jane man. Don't you see he already has?"

Jane turned back to him and pleaded with her eyes. "Just leave it alone. I need this, and you guys aren't going anywhere."

Frost held up his hands. "All right. All right." He paused. "You're right you know. I'm not going anywhere, but it's not good to take everybody else for granted that way."

"I know that. I'll talk to him, okay?"

"You think you have that much power over him?"

"Yeah, I'd like to think that I do."

Frost sighed. "Whatever, do your thing, girl." He rose from the chair. "I gotta jet before Korsak comes looking for me. I left the precinct while he was in the bathroom."

Jane chuckled despite herself. As the door closed, she sobered quickly.

**

Robert sat on the toilet in a random bathroom of the hospital and listened as men came and went. He pillowed his face in his hands and ran them through his hair, pulling hard when he got to the top. "Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." He muttered.

It had been three days and it felt like an eternity, walking on egg shells and waiting for his world to collapse from under him. He was a literal wreck. He hadn't slept. He had barely eaten and it looked like the bulldozer he sometime operated had run over him.

Robert shivered, but he wasn't cold. He was terrified of what was to come. _I fucked up. What was I thinking putting my hands on her like that? Fuck!  FUCK!_   _If this ends it'll be my fault._ Robert knew he'd handed control to Maura all tied up in a bright pink bow. The next play was completely in her court, and all he could do was sit on the sidelines and watch it happen. Maura was an unknown to him, a wild card. He had no idea how she thought or operated, and it was driving him mad. "She's going to tell her. I know she's going to tell her. What do I do?"

His mind jumped to the disaster he had perpetuated with Jane's partner. The snowball was getting bigger as it rolled down hill. "Jane is going to want to talk about it. Yeah. She's going to make some demands." Robert nodded as if the air was interested. "I just have to do what she says to smooth it over. God, I'm an idiot. Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut?"

He peered down at his shaking hands and sobbed. "What do I do? What do I do about Maura?"

Someone knocked on the stall door. It rattled loudly. "Dude? You okay? Want me to get somebody?"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Robert bellowed.

"Well fuck you, buddy!"

"He's right. Pull yourself together. One thing at a time."  Robert sucked in a breath and blew it out violently. He repeated this several times and stared down at his hands willing them to stop trembling.

A calm descended, but he knew it was only on the surface. Inside, Robert churned.

He stood up and rubbed a hand down his t-shirt to his jeans. He took another cleansing breath and listened to make sure he was alone before he exited.

The silence was deafening.

He pushed the door opened and headed toward the wall lined with sinks. Robert peered at himself in one of the mirrors. His eyes were nearly blood shot depicting his inner turmoil. It was perfect. Jane liked it when he was sensitive.

*

Alone with her thoughts again, Jane groaned. There was too much going on. There was too much to process. Her energy level was almost nonexistent. Full of piss and vinegar, she had just enough left to upset…monumentally so. _What the hell made him think he could say that in front of me? I'm not some damn damsel in fucking distress that needs protecting. He knows that._ "What was he thinking?" Jane said aloud.

Before she could finish her thoughts, the door to her room opened. Robert's head was down in supplication, but Jane noticed the blood shot eyes. _Crying? You're shitting me._ _I'm so not feeling sorry for him right now._

He stopped a few inches from the bed, but refused to sit down. Robert shoved his hands deep in his pockets. His body slumped as if someone had hammered him into the dirt.

"I know everybody can be an asshole but you…you were the whole god damned ass."

Robert nodded. "I know. This whole thing has me so screwed up. It's like I know they're not responsible but in a way it feels that way to me. You love what you do. They're a part of what you do, and that's part of why you got shot. I know rationally it's not their fault, but Frost, that older guy and even Maura just rub me the wrong way right now." His tone was pitiful.

Jane's body stiffened at the sound of Maura's name.  Her stomach slithered. "She doesn't deserve your passive aggressive bullshit. None of them do. I'm the one you're pissed at. Aim it at me."

His gaze met hers. "I can't do that Jane."

"Really? So you think being an ass to the people I love is going to endear you to me? Really?"

"I never said it was rational." He whispered.

"Get that way or I have some serious re-evaluation to do in this relationship. These people are my family for fuck's sake."

His expression was pained.  Robert nodded vigorously. "Okay, okay. I'm running on fumes here. I'd never let things get away from me like that. I can do this Jane.  Frost deserves an apology. I'm so sorry. You're so right about all of this."  He sat in the chair and put his head in his hands.

Jane sighed and tried to resist the insane urge to touch his bowed head. She was unsuccessful. Tentatively, Jane reached out. _What am I doing?_   "All this time we've been together and it's our first real fight."  _There is something so wrong with that, but I guess it's better than the alternative. I guess._

"I can admit when I've messed up. I'm big enough to do that."

"Yeah," Jane frowned as clarity besieged her. _I'm not._ Her thoughts rang out as she peered at the mess she had created.

**

Maura removed soiled gloves with a snap. They fell on top of the equally dirty paper apron and hat. The trash can lid closed, hiding the small signs of her tinkering with death. She turned and covered the young woman with a white sheet.  Maura ambled toward the sink, washing her hands free of the fine powder the gloves habitually left behind.  All these motions were automatic, programmed allowing her mind, her thoughts to be free to churn.

The tap of her heels on the floor was cacophonous as she walked away, heading toward her office. Maura brushed unseen wrinkles from her Donna Karen skirt. Once inside one of her favorite sanctuaries, she closed the door behind her with a soft snick.

A shaky exhalation escaped her chest.

So much had happened the past few days. Her mind was a whir in her attempts to analyze it all. In a few short days, everything had changed, and Maura had no idea if it was indeed for the better.  Her thoughts suddenly flashed one word, one name.

Jane.

Her heart stuttered within her chest as she remembered the electricity arcing between them. Maura was under no illusion that she was in this quagmire alone. Jane was well aware and was just as terrified as she was. Dark eyes had been so easy to read whereas before they were a puzzle to be deciphered. Now, everything was laid bare for her to see, and they were going to have to talk about it sooner or later.

Still.

There was nothing to be done.

Maura had no frame of reference for this. There had been a plethora of attractions and even a few consummations with both males and females, but it had always been a fulfilling of a need for sexual gratification that every human possessed. There had never been emotional entanglement.

But now, Maura was tied in a million knots weeping with feeling and a searing awareness that left her totally discombobulated.

Maura closed her eyes and leaned back in the leather chair. Knowing all of this, Maura had tried valiantly not to touch too much and not to stare too long. She had failed miserably. She was drawn to Jane's every breath, every word, and every movement. Her lack of control was by itself horrifying.

At night when sleep eluded her, Maura laid awake cataloging her feelings from before and comparing them to the flood that was present now. She had come to the conclusion that they had always been there but corked and growing stronger, waiting to explode out of the bottle like the best champagne.  Maura was calling on all her faculties to find a way to staunch the flow.

So far, it had eluded her.

Her eyes opened slowly, and she peered down at her watch. It was getting late in the afternoon, and her need to see Jane had just become overwhelming. _We are in a friendship. There can be nothing more._ Maura was sure this needed to be her mantra. "She's taken." She spoke the words in the air then laughed derisively.

She was taken by a man so threatened by the people around Jane that he was going to in time sabotage what they had. Maura was sure of it. She recalled the altercation between them with a smile. She so enjoyed dishing out comeuppance. The smile tugged into a frown, because she knew even if Robert was not an issue Maura did not posses what was needed to tackle the entity that was Jane. Of that she was sure also. Being an emotional virgin did have its drawbacks.

Keeping Robert's secret was not a lie. Keeping Robert's secret was a thin veil of protection. It bought her time to find a way to restore equilibrium even as she continued to tilt toward chaos.

Maura peered at her watch once more. She tried to clamp down on the excitement teeming through her body, but at the moment it was impossible.

*

As Maura neared room 313, her heart rate increased with each step. She stopped outside the door and listened, hoping that they would be alone.

There was no sound.

Maura sent a silent thank you to the universe as she pushed the door open. Her breath caught at the sight before her.

Brown eyes blinked back at her expectantly. "Was wondering when you were coming."

Maura could not stop the smile that spread across her face. "I'm here now."

"Yes, you are."  Dark eyes raked over her studying her. Jane reached out a hand. "C'mere."

Swallowing, Maura did not hesitate as if propelled by some unforeseen force.  Their fingertips touched and Maura quivered. The embrace was brief, and Jane was the first to pull away. Maura expected that. It had become routine.  

Needing to feel the tension around them, Maura attempted to inject some normalcy. "What did you do today?"

Jane hiked an eyebrow in her direction.  "Went to Pakistan and found Osama Bin Laden." She deadpanned.

Maura's lips quirked. "All by yourself?"

"Frost went with me."

A chuckle escaped. "You know. You're one of the only people who can make me laugh?"

Brown eyes sparkled. "I know."  Jane paused. "Frost did come by earlier. He's an ass. Make sure you tell him next time you see him."

"I'll do no such thing. Barry is the perfect partner for you."

Jane's smile was sheepish. "I know, but I have to give him a hard time."

Words fell away as their gazes connected.

Maura felt herself teetering on the edge of being lost. She licked suddenly dry lips and ordered her body to ignore Jane's eyes as they tracked her every movement. Of course, it didn't listen. Awareness crackled over her skin before seeping in deep. Still standing, Maura began to fidget and was unsure whether to sit down in the provided chair or run away screaming.

She prickled with heat as gooseflesh raced over her skin. The sudden feel of a hand tugging on her own appendage caught her by surprise. A gasp escaped but still she threaded Jane's fingers with her own.

"Sit." Jane's voice was husky, thick.

Maura bent to sit in the chair.

"No, on the bed."

"I don't want to h—"

"Sit Maura." Jane reiterated.

Without a moment's more hesitation, Maura followed Jane's request. When Jane's heat blasted her, Maura instantly knew it was a mistake. Her breathing hitched and her stomach rolled as awareness transformed into lightning bolts of arousal. Maura squeezed Jane's hand…hard.

Jane squeezed back in return and filled the air with her own ragged breathing.

Her lack of control was getting worse, Maura knew. They had barely touched, barely spoken, and already Maura couldn't breathe.  She closed her eyes willing herself to calm. The hand that held hers skidded away. A minute feeling of relief invaded.

"You're my best friend, and one of the most important people in my life."

With her eyes still closed, Maura nodded. She didn't trust herself to speak, but it was a discussion that was sorely needed.

A scorching hand trailed up her neck to her cheek. Maura shuddered. A whimper exploded from her chest. She leaned into the touch. Coherence fled when soft fingertips whispered past her lips.  These touches were intentional and not hidden in the need for comfort. "Jane." It sounded broken and desperate to her own ears.

"I know Maura. God dammit I know.  Look at me."

Maura opened her eyes slowly only to drown in dark pools.  Jane's face was flushed. Her expression was rakish and needy.  "Jane," she sobbed.

"I knew it when you touched me when I first woke up. I swear to fucking God."  In a bold move that was blatantly sexual, Jane brushed her thumb across Maura's open mouth, pushing things further than they had ever dared to go.

Maura groaned and opened wide, sucking it deep inside.

Jane's eyes were sad, pleading but full of fire.  Slowly she removed her thumb from its warm, wet home, leaving a trail of moisture down Maura's chin. "We can't do …this. You know we can't."  Her voice was strained.

"I know." Maura whispered.

Jane shook her head. "I'm with Robert, and even if I wasn't I don't think I could handle feeling this or you."

"I k-know." _This hurts…so much._

"Do you hate me?" Jane's tone was childlike and hesitant.

 _Oh God._ Maura blinked, refusing to let the tears burning her eyes fall. "No! I could never."

"D-do you think we're going to be okay?"

Maura reached out for Jane's hand, clutching it chastely. "We have to be."

 


	4. Chapter 4

No matter how minutely, Jane felt clean again. She smiled at her mother than rolled her eyes as Angela Rizzoli's expression went from satisfied to overly indulgent. "I'm fine, Ma."

"I know that. Did I say anything?"

"It was written all over you in pink highlighter."

Angela scoffed. "Whatever. You're my child. I can look however I want."

"Yeah, yeah. How's Jo?"

"Still don't know why you didn't give her to Maura."

"Because she keeps the same hours I do sometimes. Jo's probably stressed and needs somebody around more." Jane told her.

"Okay." Her mother's smile was wide but looked surprisingly conniving. "Don't tell your father, but she has him wrapped around her little finger."  Angela twirled her index finger in the air.

Jane's eyebrows shot up. "Get out!"

"Nuh uh. She sleeps on his feet."

"You're kidding me."

"Nope. He might have to go on anti depressants when you get outta here."  Angela began to chuckle.

"You have to take pictures."

"Too late. Give me a sec. Let me go empty this out."  Angela threw the sponge into the small tub of now tepid water.

Within a few seconds, she returned rummaging through her purse. Pulling out her cell phone, Angela Rizzoli turned to her daughter. "Do I need to make you sign one of those confidentiality thingys?"

"Thingys?"

"You know those papers."

"It's that good?" Jane asked.

"Oh, hell yeah."

"I'm not promising anything."

Angela shrugged. "It'll have to do."  She pressed a couple of buttons and gave her daughter the phone.

There it was in awesome color. Jo Friday on her back with her paws up in the air lying at her father's feet.  Jane snorted.  The snort became and all out guffaw as she looked at her father sleeping. His mouth was wide open, and Jane swore she could see drool. "My God."

"Yeah, what did I tell you?"

"You can so use this for blackmail. Christmas is coming up."

Angela leaned in close to her daughter and whispered, "Already on it."

"Can I get in on that?" Jane gave her mother what she thought was a look of hope. "I did see the evidence."

"Eh, I'll think about it."

"Hell, I shouldn't have to do that. Parts of me are missing. I think that warrants something big."

"Janie!"

"What!?"

"You're awful to make light of that."

"I'm a Rizzoli!"

Angela paused. It had a dramatic effect. "Yeah, there is that."  She threw herself in the chair near Jane's bed. "So, Bob not coming by this morning?"  She asked sweetly.

"Ma, you really have to be so open about not liking him?"

"Yes, I do."

"Well can you not do it to my face?"

"I don’t make promises I can't keep."

Jane sighed and mumbled. "He's probably sulking."

"Excuse me?"

"He was being an ass. We had to have a …discussion."

"Funny, I thought he was always an ass." Angela deadpanned.

"Ma!"

"What?" Her mother asked unapologetically.

"He knows you guys don't like him."

"Good, we haven't hidden it."

"Jesus!" Jane exclaimed.

"Again, what?"

"We're together, and I don't care what you think."

"You should. He's not right for you. Why are you with him?"  Angela's tone became serious, concerned.

Jane pushed a hand through wild dark locks. "I don't want to talk about this right now."  _I don't want to talk about this ever._

"Too bad. This conversation has been a long time coming. You know he's not right for you."

"Does it have to be right here, right now?"

"You're a captive audience. Now spill."  Her mother demanded.

Jane looked away before speaking. "It's uncomplicated and easy."  _There she gets the short version._

Angela Rizzoli snorted, loudly.  "So you've been hurt in the past and you don’t want it to happen again?"

Jane sighed. "It's not that easy. Things have to be a certain way for me to breathe." Her eyes wandered away again as her mother continued to gaze at her. _Don't push me, Ma. Let it go._

Angela sighed and stood up. She pushed her daughter's damp unruly hair away from her face. "You don't have to look so scared."

"I'm not I—"

"Uh huh, let me brush your hair. Don’t want it to dry that way."

"Yeah, okay."  Jane felt relief filter though her body. She didn't want her mother to know that she preferred life as an emotional cripple. After all, it _was_ easier that way. Jane cringed internally. Even the thought sounded sarcastic.

The shrill ring of the phone startled them both.  Jane looked from her mother to the aberrant noise and back again. "You gonna get that? I would but my guts might spill out."  Jane noticed the twinkle in her mother's eye at her attempt at dark humor.

"You really are awful."

Jane shrugged.

"Rizzoli's room."

Jane looked heavenward.

"Oh hey, Maura."

Her heart stuttered before beating again wildly. Jane had almost succeeded in not thinking about her for a whole hour.

"No, she's awake. Just finished with her bath and trying to do something with her hair."

Jane's palms began to sweat. _Get a hold of yourself. It's just a phone call. She's not--_    Her thoughts retreated as memory took over. Was it only yesterday? Images and feelings flashed, and the all centered on Maura. The feel of her skin, the need in her eyes, and the sounds she made melted Jane from the inside out. Her stomach twisted and heat rushed over her skin. _I've got to get a handle on this._

"Hold on for a sec. Let me give her the phone."

Angela thrust the phone in her direction before sitting down again.

Jane took a deep breath and whispered, "Hey."

"Jane."

Closing her eyes, Jane felt her universe shift. There was something in the way Maura said her name that Jane had just begun to notice. "Ye-ah?"  Her voice cracked.

A charged silence lapsed between them.

Jane could hear her breathing, and even that was its own special brand of torture. With a chill, awareness raced down her spine. "Maura."

For several seconds, a gasp was her only answer.

"This is extremely difficult."  Maura's tone was thick and full of emotion.

"It is." Jane agreed. She turned away from the eyes boring into her.

"I need some time to gain control of…this." 

Jane swallowed and panic ceased her. "You're leav—"

"No, I'm not going anywhere. I wouldn’t do that to you or to us."

"Oh, then what?"

"I can't see you right now without wanting to touch—"

"Yeah, that's probably true here too."

"Just a week maybe two. I promise I'll be there when you're discharged."

Jane smiled. "You'd better."

"Can I call you?"

"You're asking me?" Jane went up an octave.

"Yes?" Maura's tone was hesitant.

"Every minute if you want."

Jane heard Maura's breath catch.

"You can't say things like that to me, Jane."

"Yeah, I know."

"Still, it was nice to hear." Maura added.

"It was fucking nice to say."

"Don't say that word either." Maura husked.

Jane's stomach twisted as heat raced through her.  "Jesus, Maura."

"I know. I shouldn't have said that."

"You don't sound sorry."

"I'm not." Maura paused. "I'll call you later, okay?"

"Yeah."

Without another word, Jane handed the phone to her mother.  Angela Rizzoli's face was white as a sheet.

"I musta heard wrong right?"

Jane said nothing.

"Janie? Is there something you want to tell me?"

Fisting her hands, Jane let blunt fingernails dig into her flesh. "There's nothing to tell." Her tone was quiet, flat. Inside, Jane seethed but it was all self- directed. It overtook the lightning bolt of need that was there a moment ago.

"Not what it looked like to me. Bob doesn't make you like that, but if Maura does then by all means---"

"No, he doesn't."

Angela Rizzoli took one of her daughter's fisted hands into her own. She worked it free and peered down at the ridged lines of the scar. "That's the point. Isn't it? Does he make you feel anything?"

Jane closed her hand again. "My hair still needs to be brushed." She stated, stepping sloppily away from the issue.

Her mother nodded, but Jane knew her well. She waited a few seconds.

"She's perfect for you, you know? It would be nice to have a doctor in the family. Think about it long and hard, Janie."

Jane's gaze wandered away, trying to hide the anger and the emptiness.

**

Jane woke with a gasp from a troubled sleep.  She opened heavy eyelids and peered out the window. Dreary light poured in and freezing rain beat against the glass. It was synonymous to the cold, icy chill she felt on the inside.

The sound of someone breathing alerted her that she was not alone. Jane snapped out of her haze and turned her head.

Robert.

He was the last person she wanted to see. The person she wanted here couldn't be... wouldn't be. Jane's mood was shit. Her life was shit, and she wanted nothing more than to take the shit out on someone.

His smile was beaming.

Jane didn't smile back.

Robert reached for her hand, and Jane snatched it away.

"Huh? What's wrong?"

 _Everything._ Jane wanted to scream. "Nothing. I'm just not in the mood to be your kewpie doll."

His smile faltered a little. "Bet you're tired of being cooped up like this. I know you Jane. I bet—"

"No, you don't know me at all."

Robert's smile fell completely. "Are you still mad at me? I swear I'll make it up to you. Are you breaking up with me?"  He whined.

It grated on Jane's nerves. "Did I say I was?  Look, you're not going to cry are you? I so can't handle that right now."

Robert's face flushed. His eyes narrowed and flashed. "Look, I don’t know why you're being so mean." His voice was hard, and he spit out the words with vehemence.

Jane was taken aback by the anger rolling from him. She ignored it. It was one more thing that she didn't need.  Instead, she sighed noisily. "I need some space. I've been meaning to tell you. So, I'm telling you now."

Robert put on what Jane assumed was his best understanding face. The rapid shift in his emotions was giving her a headache.

"Okay, you've been through a lot and all I've done was to make things worse with the way I was acting. Let me help you? Give me a chance." Robert pleaded with doe like eyes.

Her head shook from side to side. "You can't," Jane whispered. "I have to work through this on my own."

Robert nodded but his body slumped. "Okay, I can do that, if it will help you."

Even though Jane knew it was the wrong gesture and always had been, she reached out taking his hand out of habit. "Thank you."

"You don’t have to thank me. I love you."

Ashamed, confused, but resigned, Jane looked away.  "I know."  After a few seconds, Jane peered back at him. "I'll call you."

"Every day?" Robert's smile returned, but it seemed fake, plastic.

His shifting demeanor made Jane uneasy but an intense, strange sense of déjà vu snared her and refused to let go. How could two conversations be so similar and one mean absolutely nothing?   She blinked, bringing herself back. "Yeah, sure."




***

The harsh metallic sound of a bone saw filled the room, hiding the loud snap of bone as it permeated the man's ribs like butter. Always meticulous, Maura inserted the rib spreader. Getting the desired result, she peered into the thoracic cavity.

Every organ was in pristine order held together by the peritoneum. It was indeed a beautiful thing. With the flick of her scalpel, she destroyed perfection. Maura examined each organ removed and weighed them. When she was done, she gazed into the empty space left behind.

Maura swallowed and understood instantly what it felt like to be that empty…that desolate. It had only been a few hours since she talked to Jane but it seemed like a century. It had only been a day since she had seen her, but it seemed like an eternity. The phone call had been delicious torture, but she knew it  was one she would allow herself. There had to be something…some kind of connection that continued between them. It was selfish but it was as necessary as air.

Maura had no idea how to recapture normalcy, but she had to attempt the impossible. Maura knew that she couldn't do that with the constant bombardment of Jane's smell, her smile, or even her general existence. More than anything she didn’t want to lose Jane. So, she had to settle and glean onto whatever Jane could give. Her body screamed for more, and her heart, it just screamed.

The sound of approaching footsteps did nothing to destroy the bubble she had created.

A throat cleared, but Maura was frozen… lost in the emptiness. The voices sounded so far away.

"Maura!" Frost yelled her name.

She nearly jumped out of her skin. Maura blinked in his direction, moving slowly toward recognition.

"Are you okay, doc?"

Maura shook her head. She opened her mouth to speak, to scream, or to cry, but nothing escaped.

Two sets of eyes watched her in confusion and concern.

"Korsak, give us a minute? I'll let you know what I find out."

"Yeah, make sure she's okay too, huh?"

Eyes were on her again.

"Will do." Frost answered.

After a few seconds, they were alone with the dead.

"Jane's okay right?"

Maura met his eyes and saw only affection. Her mouth opened again, but what seeped out shocked them both. Her laughter was loud and melodic. It went on for several seconds before she finally hiccupped. Her chest heaved and the sobs started, loud and unforgiving. _I'm falling apart._

Frost's expression ranged from startled to afraid. He rushed toward her, ignoring the mess of fluids covering her. Maura collapsed into his arms.

"You're scaring me here, Maura. Is she okay? She was fine when I left yesterday."

Maura nodded. "She's fine. She's wonderful," she mumbled into Frost's jacket. Suddenly self-conscious, Maura pulled away and ripped the gear from her body. Her hands were trembling as she wiped at her eyes. She needed to tell somebody. Jane was her person, her confidant, but at the moment, she was also taboo. The burden of her feelings, her needs was almost incapacitating. "Do you know how wonderful she is Barry?"

"Uh, yeah I think so." Frost replied.

"She's so wonderful that I have feelings."

"Uh, I think we all have feelings, doc." Dark brows were drawn in utter bewilderment.

"Not me. Not like this."

Frost's expression cleared. "Oh! Feelings." He began nodding his head, and after a several seconds the nodding continued.

Sensing his nervousness, Maura withdrew. "I'm sorry to spring this on you. You're Jane's friend, her partner—"

He seemed to sober. "You're my friend too." Frost added softly. "So, you have feelings?"

His statement of acceptance was enough for Maura. "Yes, viscously intense, prurient, confusing feelings."

"Ah, but what about Bob?"

"Jane loves that movie." Maura smiled but it disappeared almost as quickly as it came.

"That's what she said."  Frost paused. "So does Jane have these feelings?"

Maura recalled the inferno that bubbled between them even over the phone. "Yes, she does." She held his gaze. "You don’t have a problem with same sex couplings?"

Frost blinked. "No, I like women too. Just one more thing we'll all have in common. Now, back to the subject at hand, I don't see what the problem is. Bob needs to go."

 _Far, far away._ "I agree, but even if he does. We can't be together."

"Huh?"

"I'm a mass of emotions. I'm crying. It's affecting my work, my sleep patterns, and everything in general. This can't be. I need order in my life. Jane's not order. She's—"

"Jane."

"Yes. She's impulsive and unpredictable. I'm not made to deal with it not in that type of relationship. There are too many variables and too many unknowns, and I've never had all these feelings before."

Frost peered at her. Then, as if just noticing, he looked down at the dead man's gaping empty chest. His gaze snapped back to hers almost immediately. "No offense, doc, but that's the stupidest shit I've ever heard."

Maura's mouth dropped open in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I didn’t stutter. You're scared so you're running the other way." Frost shook his head. "I thought you were a scientist or something. Don't you guys get off on exploring the unknown?"

"Yes, but—"

"So what's Jane in this equation?"

"The, ah, unknown?"

"Uh huh. So don't you think you need to explore and work up some hypothesis or theory to handle that unknown?" Frost nodded his head in the affirmative as he waited for her answer.

Maura could not argue with the logic in his statement. "I, uh—"

"Say yes."

"Barry, it's not that simple."  _I wish it were. I wish everything was._

"Oh, bullshit. Yes it is. Oh wait, let me guess she has some deep dark something holding her back too?"

"Uhm—"

"Ah hell. You both need to be locked in a room until you work it out or fuck it out."

"Frost!" The heat of embarrassment flew to Maura's face.

"What?! It's the truth!"

"It's also crude."

"So is Jane, and you have feelings."

"You have a valid point."

"I do don't I? Look, I'll tell you the same thing I told her when we were talking about Rob/Bob. She could've died, Maura."

Maura gasped.

Frost held up his hands in apology. "I'm just trying to keep it real. Every day we go out on a call or to reel in a perp, things could change just like that." Frost snapped his fingers. "And it would be too late to explore, experiment, and all that shit."

Maura literally felt the blood leave her face. "Not Jane. She's---"  Before she even finished the sentence, Maura knew how irrational it sounded.

"What? Invincible? Come on, doc. She got shot in the gut by a crackhead. You have to have more common sense than that. She may seem like she's indestructible, but nobody is least of all her."

Swallowing the acrid taste in her mouth, Maura wrapped her mind around his comments. She processed and over analyzed but came to the conclusion that he made perfect sense. "I don't know why that never occurred to me."

"Because you didn't want it to."

"That's a distinct possibility."

"Uh huh, so what are you going to do about it?"

"I haven't the foggiest. I wouldn't know where to begin."

Frost snorted. "I think you probably already started."

Maura could certainly agree. "But I've told her that I need some time to get through this. We only communicate through the phone."

He shrugged. "Why would you let that stop you?"

Fear crept down Maura's spine. "I-I don't know. This all seems so…so tentative."

Frost rolled his eyes and sighed. "Just think about it, but don’t be wishy washy forever."

"I'm sorry. Come again?" Maura turned the phrase over and over again but decided it was too strange to repeat.

"Indecisive. I meant indecisive."  Frost said in exasperation.

He was right of course, but she was sure Frost was aware of it. There was no need to say anything more. Maura gazed at him and decided he had been an excellent substitute in dealing with her breakdown. "Thank you for talking with me."

"I don’t think we talk enough. Jane doesn't have to be around for us to do that. I hope you realize that now. We're all family here, and I like my family to be happy."

"I do, and still thank you." Maura paused. "I still find you odd at times Barry Frost, but I believe I am also."

"Well consider us peas in a pod then."

**

Maura flopped around in the king sized bed like the most elegant of fish. Her mind was a whirl and it refused to slow. Frost's words haunted her. Jane's words teased her. It was a dangerous combination.

Bleary eyes opened and gazed up at the ceiling. It was a fruitless exercise due to the overwhelming darkness. Maura's head turned to the only point of light, the red numbers on her digital clock. It was 1:27a.m.

Despite Frost's speech, Maura had refrained from calling Jane again through sheer force of will and cusedness. The deep pang now forming in her chest led her to believe that hadn't been the best decision. She peered in the vicinity of the cordless phone. Even though it was only a shadow, it loomed almost mockingly, testing her. _Maybe it would help me to sleep._ Maura rationalized. _Maybe it would help her too._ Before she thought of her next maybe, Maura reached for the phone.

Sitting up slightly in bed, she flicked on the bedside lamp. Maura's hand hovered over the number pad. Before courage fled, she dialed Jane's room directly.

It rang three times before a series of jarring noises assaulted her eardrum.

"Ow! God dammit fuck!"

Maura smiled.

There was several more seconds of rustling in the background before, "Maura?"

Her smile widened. "How did you know it was me?"

"You didn't call earlier, and only you would have the balls." Jane gruffed.

"I woke you."

"Don't give a fuck. You'd better not hang up."

"Okay." Maura acquiesced.

"You can't sleep?" Jane asked.

"No, I've been trying for hours."

"Want to share some of my stash?"

Maura chuckled. "Jane, I think you need it more than I do."

"You know, I really like it when you say my name."

Maura closed her eyes as awareness blossomed, and before she could stop it, "Jane," fell from her lips.

"Damn it, Maura. You don’t play fair." Jane responded. Her tone wasn't angry. It was husky and amused.

"I have no idea what you're referring to." Maura continued to smile, loving the banter between them.

"What. The. Fuck. Ever."

Maura sighed. "Normally, I wouldn't say anything, but do you have to be so—"

"Crude?"

"Yes."

"You like it." Jane's voice was deeper, huskier.

"Now, who's not being fair?"  Maura murmured.  Her belly quivered. She reached down covering the area in hopes of containing it.

"You didn't answer the question." Jane persisted.

Maura swallowed, trying to lubricate a suddenly dry throat. "What was the question again?" She asked breathlessly."  _What's wrong with me?_

"Do you like it when I'm crude? When I say things like…fuck?"

The sudden stab of arousal caught Maura off guard. A whimper escaped. Maura's legs moved restlessly under the hand woven sheets.

"Only because you want me to isn’t it?" Jane asked. Her breathing was deep, labored, and it transferred erotically over the phone.

Incapable of lying, Maura let the truth free. "Yes."

The silence that lapsed between them was equal parts painful and sexy.

"Jane?"

"You're driving me batshit crazy. I hope you know that. Do you have to be so…so you?"

Confused, aroused, and amused, Maura answered, "I don't know who else to be."

"Don't change. I was just being an ass." 

Maura could hear the smile in her voice.

"We should stop this shouldn't we?"  Jane asked. Her tone was unsure and timid as if she were frightened.

"Yes, we should."Maura answered honestly, but that didn't stop the sudden surge of pain.

"But, do you want to?"

Maura's fingers clenched around the covers. "No… no I don't. Do you?"

"Hell no, but I suppose we should."

"Okay." To Maura, Jane's words were equivalent to a splash of ice cold water.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—"

"Don't apologize please. I don't want you to take it back."

"God, Maura."  Jane sighed shakily. "I asked Rob to give me space."

Maura tried to clamp down on the immediate irrational surge of hope. "Why?"

"I don’t know a lot of things I guess. There's too much going on for me to keep it straight in my head."

"Do you want me to —"

"Don’t you even say it. You have to call." Jane interrupted. "If I can't see you, you have to."

"Yes, I have to."  Maura agreed.

"We sure have a handle on things, huh?" Jane chuckled but it turned into a yawn.

The question didn't need answering. Maura turned to the side and cuddled into a pillow. "Jane?"

"Hmm?"

"Stay on the line until I fall asleep?"  The question sounded needy to her own ears, but at the moment Maura was beyond caring.

"'Kay. Not going anywhere."  Jane's breathing deepened.

Maura listened to the slow intakes and releases of breath for several long minutes.  She let it wrap around her, comfort her.  Her eyelids grew heavy. After a few moments more, her breathing patterns matched the ones that lulled her, and she found peace.

***

Robert ignored the sting of sweat in his eyes. He grunted as he continued to pummel the heavy bag. With each punch, the past week flashed before him. With each punch, he muttered, "I fucked up."  The force and momentum behind his swings caused his knuckles to burn. The pain was welcome.

He received no phone calls.

His speed increased until the grunts became cries. The sounds were hidden well and reverberated only around the thick walls of his basement.

Finally spent, he dropped heavily onto his incline bench and ripped the gloves from his aching hands. Robert didn't care if they were bruised and didn't bother to look.  Sweat dripped from him onto the concrete floor. He peered down at the discoloration and tried to catch his breath. _How can I just sit here and wait? I should have apologized to that Frost guy right away._

He reached for a nearby towel and wiped his face.  His contemplation continued, and he tried his best to remain calm, keeping his head. _What am I doing wrong?_   Robert's mind flashed to Maura. The images made his heart accelerate. He pushed his hands through wet spiky hair. _How did I get like this?_   He yanked at the strands but they slipped through his fingertips. _I need to apologize to all of them, and maybe… maybe I could use them to get back to her. I can't see her, but she didn't say anything about her family. I know I can make them like me.  I know I can._    A very minute part of him screamed to let it all go, but the majority ruled. The majority had Jane firmly ingrained in it.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Maura's office was eerily quiet, and for the moment, she desperately needed it that way. Maura covered her face with her hands. Her brain was on literal overload. Decisions needed to be made and logistics needed to be figured. There was one woman responsible for all of this, and it had to be a Rizzoli, Angela Rizzoli.

Three days had passed, and it had been three days of excruciating torture. Always honest with herself, Maura had to admit that the torture was a double edge sword that cut her deep in one blow but left her sexually charged to the point of screaming with another. The phone calls were addictive, and even though they tried to keep them chaste, all it took was one seemingly innocent word to change everything and leave them in an erotic haze. It was spontaneous and always unexpected. This was something Maura usually abhorred, but in just a short time, she had learned to respect it.

She faced another addiction also. Maura's body needed Jane just as much to turn her off as she did on. It was the only way she could sleep peacefully. Maura's dependence on Jane was fast becoming frightening, but she had no idea how to stop it. These thoughts alone brought her around full circle and back to Angela Rizzoli's request. The audacity of the woman was awe inspiring. Caught in the moment, Maura flashed to just a few short hours ago when her world became more confusing than ever.

_Maura slipped her feet into dangerously expensive heels, and reached for her coat.  She smiled in Bass' vicinity and reached for the door knob. As she opened the door, Maura nearly plowed into Angela Rizzoli._

_"Whoa, slow down. Looks like I caught you just in time."_

_An ugly panic ceased Maura. "Is Jane—"_

_"She's fine. I woulda called but this kind of thing is best handled in person."_

_Before Maura could utter another word, she was being guided by the elbow back into her living room. "I don't understand, and I don't like understanding.  Of course you're welcome here any time, but—" Maura paused to take a breath. "What's going on here?"_

_"You might want to sit. This may take a while."_

_"Angela—"_

_"Trust me. Sit."_

_Maura knew the confusion and wariness had to be showing on her face._

_"Calm down."_

_Maura decided to follow her instructions. She sat primly on the couch and waited while her insides churned with nervousness._

_"That's better." Angela said and she began pacing._

_Back and forth she went for several seconds.  With each pass, Maura's tension increased.  "Angela—"_

_"I've been turning this over in my mind for three days.  I know I shouldn't get involved. She's not a teenager anymore, but she's still my daughter."_

_Maura opened her mouth to speak, but at the last second, she decided to remain quiet._

_Angela paced some more. Her hands gesticulated wildly, but there were no words to go with them. All Maura could do was watch and wait._

_"I had this fixed all in my head, but when I walked up your sidewalk, I decided I didn't want this to sound rehearsed."_

_"Um, okay?"_

_"You know I was there when you two were on the phone the other day."_

_Maura nodded._

_"I didn't hear everything, but I heard enough."_

_Heat suffused Maura's face, but she nodded again._

_"I'm not stupid Maura. The look on Janie's face was priceless and I thought the phone was gonna melt."_

_Maura sprung up from the couch. "Mrs. Rizzoli, I—"  Fear and panic fought a war inside her. Hands covered her shoulders and pushed her down again._

_"Sit, and calm down. Hear me out."_

_Maura resorted back to nodding._

_"She doesn't do that with him."_

_Maura swallowed._

_"I don't think I've ever seen her like that with anyone at least not that intense." Angela stated._

_Air exploded forcefully through Maura's lips._

_"The long and short of it is that you need to go after what you want."_

_The pacing stopped and Angela stood over her. Eyes so like Jane's peered down at Maura, and for a moment, she wanted to believe._

_Maura tore her gaze away._

_"He's not good for her, but you…you are. You've been by her side through so much." Angela sighed. "I don't care that you're a woman."_

_Maura let out a trembling breath._

_"You're scared. So is she, but I suspect you two don't have the same boogie man."_

_"The way she is…who she is frightens me. I should be running the other way, but I can't. I just can't."  Maura's voice cracked. The words fell from her lips as the need to bare her soul became overwhelming.  "Every time I speak to her I want more. Whatever this is that I'm feeling is growing exponentially without my permission."_

_Angela chuckled. "When it’s the real thing, that's how it usually happens."  Her laughter died quickly. "She could have died, Maura."_

_Her breathing quickened. "Frost has already covered that, and I don't think I can do it again without crying…again.  So please?" Maura pleaded._

_"He is a good man that Frost."  Angela waved her hand. "Just let me say this. If anything else ever happens to her I want you at her side. You belong there right beside her, loving her. I gotta feeling what you feel for her is getting a hell of a lot bigger than that boogie man sitting on your shoulder, and that's why yo u can't stay away."  Angela Rizzoli's smile was stunning. "I'm just trying to give him a push."_

_"That scares me even more." Maura confessed._

_"So what you're telling me is that you're a coward?"_

_Maura's mouth fell open._

_"Well?" Angela stared down at her impatiently._

_"I-I don't think I am." Maura answered._

_"Get after her then."_

_Their gazes held in challenge._

_"What if she doesn't want to be caught?"  Fear curled in Maura's belly. "I have no idea what I'm doing here. How do I—"_

_Angela sat on the couch next to her. "I think you're doing damn good so far. I say if it feels right then that's what you should be doing."  Angela reached for Maura's hand to find them shaking. "As for Janie, get her to talk to you. I'm not sure what her deal is, but I think she's itching to get it off her chest."_

_"What if it is something insurmountable? I don't want to feel this way alone. I can't lose her." Maura began to babble as emotion got the better of her, but she was brought back by a squeeze of her hand._

_"Take a chance, Maura. Just take a chance."  Angela took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Besides, I can't stand to see her with that asshole, Bob anymore. He's sucking the life from her. I swear."_

_Needing to breath for a moment, Maura gleaned onto the change of subject. "Yes, Rob is…interesting." Even she derived some hidden meaning from the statement. Maura did not mean for it to come out that way not consciously._

_Brown eyes narrowed. "Uh huh whaddya mean?"_

_Maura pressed her lips together tightly._

_"Maura, spill. Do you know something?" Angela leaned in closer._

_Maura's lips trembled as the words spewed out eagerly. When she was done, brown eyes were wide and snapping with anger._

_"I knew there was something wrong with him!"  Angela growled. "I'm gonna kill him. He's gonna be the next corpse on your slab!" Angela was up pacing again. Her hands were in the air, but this time there was no loss for words._

_"I don't think it will happen again. I believe he thought me helpless." Maura watched Angela's progression. She was partly amused but she had no doubt that Angela would carry out her threats._

_"That doesn't matter! Janie would rip his balls off if she knew!"_

_"Of that I'm sure."_

_"Might as well let me do it. One Rizzoli for this is just as good as another. Trust me you're gonna enjoy cutting into him just as much as I'm gonna  enjoy choking him."_

_"I'm flattered that you would go that far for me."_

_"Well, hell you're family! Why wouldn't I?"_

_"I understand, but I don't think it's necessary for this information to go any further."_

_"Huh?"_

_"I—"_

_"I heard you. I was just wondering if you heard yourself."_

  _"I did would you like to know my reasoning?"_

_Angela sat down again. "This had better be damned good."_

_"There are two scenarios that have a high probability of occurring. The first is that out of fear he will compromise the relationship himself and Jane will ostracize him accordingly. The second scenario entails Jane growing tired of the falsity of the relationship as a whole. This way it is between them with no outside influence…a natural progression if you will, giving them the power to dictate how things end. Jane would more than likely take offense at anything else."_

_Angela blinked. "So in other words, he will screw things up and she will throw him to the curb or she will use the sense she was born with and get a clue?"_

_Maura nodded for the hundredth time.  "I believe it has already started."_

_"If she does end it, you don't think he would come after you? He sounds kinda psycho to me."_

_"The possibility is there I'm sure, but again, I am far from helpless. There is also a possibility that he would simply move on to the next woman."_

_Angela stared at her for an extended period of time. "Huh, maybe I should have Frankie check him out."_

_"If that's your decision…" Maura paused. "Do my reasons sound valid?"_

_Jane's mother sighed. "I don't know Maura. I'm worried about you. If his background check comes back clean, I'll consider it, but if it doesn't, I definitely don't want to take that chance. Does that sound valid?"_

_"Yes, I suppose so."_

The sudden ringing of her office phone snatched Maura from her reverie. The sound reverberated throughout the room a few more times before she answered it. Before a word left Maura's lips, a familiar voice greeted her.

"Sleep well?"

Maura wanted to groan. Jane's voice was the last thing she needed to hear or experience.  While her head screamed for her to shy away, her heart made demands that rest of her could not deny. "Should I consider that a rhetorical question?"

Jane's laugh was rich and throaty.  "You really don't like the way I affect you…do you?  That's not rhetorical by the way."

"No more than you." Maura countered with a smile in her voice.

"Oh, I like it. I shouldn't, but you'd better believe that I do." Jane's tone was gravely but soft. It was a contradiction that intrigued Maura to no end.

A tingle travelled down her spine, and so it began. Emboldened by her discussion with Angela, Maura made an immediate decision to dive deeper into the waters that threatened to flood her whenever dealing with Jane. "Does Rob make you feel that way?"

Total silence greeted her.

"Jane?"

"I heard you."  Jane growled.

"Are you angry with me?" Maura asked in surprise. "I shouldn't—"

"I'm pissed at myself."

"I don’t understand."

"I never wanted to feel this, and now I don't want it to stop. It's a dangerous place for me to be. Hell, you're dangerous." Jane stated.

"So he doesn't?"

"Fuck no!"

"Then why?" Maura asked.

"Why what?"

"Why are you with him?"  There was genuine puzzlement in Maura's voice. "Why are you fighting me?"

"Hold up. You agreed just like I did that nothing should happen between us." Jane countered.

"That is irrelevant at this point. It's happening whether we want it to or not. Also, you didn't answer the question."

Maura heard nothing except angry exhalations of breath. It was not the emotion she was trying to elicit, but at the moment it perpetuated a much needed dialogue between them.

"What's with all the bitchiness this morning?" Jane snapped.

"My line of questioning is applicable to this situation."

"Line of questioning? What? I'm being interrogated now?"

"Jane, I'm sure you're aware of my intentions."

"Oh, so you're calling me bitchy?"

"I have every right to my bitchiness as do you. This situation has been—"

"Don't try to analyze this or me." Jane bit off each word as if chewing them.

Maura swallowed at the tone in Jane's voice. "Are we having an argument?"

Jane's chuckle was bitter this time. "That's what it sounds like to me."

"I don't want to fight with you, Jane."

"Yeah, what do you want from me then?"

"I-I just want you." The words fell from Maura's lips, and just like that, her heart made a decision, barricading her brain from the discussion.

"You… can't have me Maura."  Jane's tone was broken and dripping with sorrow and resignation.

"I don't agree." Maura said softly.

"God damn it, Maura. Do you even know what you're doing?"  Maura could hear the obvious tears in Jane's voice.

"I haven't a clue, but I'll learn. After all, there is Google. I won't give up on this."

The burst of sad laughter that exploded from Jane was somehow soothing. "Maura—"

"I'll speak to you later Jane." Without another word, Maura ended the call but held tight to the knowledge that this was just the beginning.

***

Jane scowled at the phone as she placed it violently back on its cradle. _I don't fucking need this right now._ _I don't want my own feeling shoved down my fucking throat._   Feeling restless, Jane kicked the covers away. The need to get up and move was compulsive.  Jane sat up and swung her legs to the side of the bed. Taking a deep breath, she scooched closer to the edge. A sharp stab of pain halted her progress but it dissipated quickly, giving her hope. Her socked feet hit the floor, and Jane planted them as she ordered her legs to follow suit.

Now standing, Jane took a deep breath and moved one foot forward.  Her muscles quivered and the stability she had garnered threatened to crumble.  She reached for the bed railing and turned slowly with her back facing the door.  Sweat beaded her forehead and crept down her back. Jane could feel it cooling through the open back of her hospital gown. _And why the fuck do I still have this shit on?!_

"Whoa, I always figured you for boi shorts not lime green granny panties." Frost stated. The amusement was oozing from his tone.

Jane's anger and exasperation cranked up nearly ten notches. "Fuck you, man!"  Jane spit the words out making them drip with extra venom.

"Let me guess. You're mom thought they were practical?" Frost barreled on not the least perturbed.

"Don't you have a fucking job to go to? I know you can't get shit done on your own so you just have to fucking muddle through until I get back."  Jane threw over her shoulder. Her legs wobbled.

"I didn't piss in your corn flakes, girl, and if you don't stop giving me attitude I'll make sure a nurse comes in here and sees you in all your granny glory."

Jane began to topple stressed from the strength of her emotions and the weakness in her body. Within seconds, Frost was by her side, cradling her gently and helping her back under the covers.

Jane's breathing was labored. She closed her eyes willing the world to stop spinning, but at that moment, she realized the world indeed did not bend to her at all.  It was a frightening feeling to know that the illusion of control she had grasped onto for so long was just that…an illusion. Her chest ached as the enormous weight of the situation bore down on her. Bile rose in her throat, burning it in its ascent. She felt utterly lost and ignored the minute feeling of relief that prickled from deep within.

"Okay, so are you going to tell me who _did_ piss in your corn flakes?"

Jane swallowed in an attempt to alleviate the scratchy dryness in her throat. She turned her head away refusing to meet his gaze. "Can you just—"

"Nope, not going anywhere. I'll get in this god damned bed with you if I have to." Frost's tone was serious.

She sighed. The anger dissipated with the sound, leaving a gamut of other emotions.  "Maura," Jane croaked. She turned to look at him.

Black brows were drawn. "I can't see her peeing in anybody's food. That's just disturbing."

Jane's mouth twitched, acknowledging the joke. "No, we had a …discussion."

"Must have been something good to transform you into a bigger ass than usual." Frost commented.

"Just relationship crap." The words tasted like sand in Jane's mouth.

Frost smirked. "So she decided to take my advice."

Jane's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. "What the fuck? I don't need you dipping into my shit!"

Frost waved her off. "Yeah, you do. Otherwise it really would be shit."

Livid all over again, Jane muttered through clenched teeth. "I am a fucking grown woman."

He leaned over until they were nearly nose to nose. "Then. Fucking. Act. Like. It." Frost enunciated each world carefully.

Jane blinked owlishly. "Wha--?"

"If I had a woman like that after me, my ass would be smiling every day, even on the shitty ones….especially then."

Jane's sigh was loud.  "That's the problem." _In a neat fucking nutshell._

It was Frost's turn to blink. He opened his mouth then closed it again almost immediately. A line formed above his nose as he thought. Then finally, Frost stated, "No sense…no sense at all. The both of you make my head hurt."  He rubbed his forehead. "And you made me use the f word too."

"What? You say fuck all the time. " Momentarily distracted, Jane's voice went up an octave.

"Yeah, but not in anger." Frost threw his hands up. "Look, I've said it before. I'm just trying to keep it real. Don’t you think she deserves some real damn answers instead of the cryptic shit you were just spewing? She's your best friend that should get her something, right?"

Jane plopped her head onto the pillow. "Maybe."

Frost rolled his eyes. "I need to get to work. I just wanted to stop by."

"Yeah," Jane met his eyes. "Why do you care about this anyway?"

Frost shrugged. "I'm a problem solver, Jane. I do it for a living. You guys are all the family I have around here. If you need a kick in the ass to deal with your own shit call me captain---"

Jane groaned. "Don't even go there."

"Superfly?"

"You need help."

"Shaft?"

"Who?"

"Never mind. I keep forgetting you're not black."

Jane's eyes narrowed. "Why do you have to make it sound like an insult?" She squinted even more. "Why is it that you and Korsak never come together? Did you do something to him?"

Frost flashed her a white smile. "Gotta jet." He turned away and headed toward the door.

Alone again, Jane pushed a hand through tangled hair. Frost hadn't said anything she didn't already know, but more than likely some part of her needed to hear it. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Maura, but she had done it over and over again every time she pulled away or pushed things further.  It was selfish. Maura needed to know that Jane was broken beyond repair despite the instances of light and life she had glimpsed when they were together.  She squashed the little voice urging her to even try.

Jane peered down at her hands, tracing the raised scars first with her eyes and then her fingertips. The weight she carried had been heavy before but now it became crushing. Tears burned her eyes, but Jane refused to let them fall. She lay alone in the surrounding bleakness.

***

Robert peered down at his watch. He removed his hard hat and wiped his brow. It was lunch time, and instead of having it with Jane or his friends at work, Robert decided it was time to put his plan in action.  He tittered on the decision for the past couple of days. A timely phone call from Jane eased his mind somewhat but it had been short, strained, and obligatory.  Her crisps words left him hollow.

Refusing to think about it anymore for the moment, he fished into his pocket for his cell phone.  After a few taps on the number pad the text was sent.  Robert's phone vibrated as he received a response.

_Who the hell is this?_

Robert sighed.  _It's Rob._

_Why would I want to have lunch with you? How da fuck u get my #?_

Robert avoided the second question. He didn't need to know that his sister's phone was a font of information. _Thnk we need 2 get 2 know each other better. Strted on wrng foot._

 _More like whole fuckin leg._ Frankie texted back.

_Frankie do it 4 Jane. She says it doesn’t bother her that u guys don’t like me. Know it does. I'm tryin._

The seconds that had been between the other messages lapsed into minutes.  _Sory was on phn wit ma. She'l talk ear off. Okay will giv a shot._

_Great. Hoagies?_

_Yea, Roman's. It's off 7 th ave. C U in a bit._

Robert flipped his phone closed and smiled.  He had gotten past the hard part. Making friends had never been an issue for Robert. He knew how to turn on the charm. No situation was insurmountable, and the cherished the challenge that presented itself. He would make it back to Jane with some if not all her family behind him. _She can't deny me then._

**

Robert bit into his meatball hoagie and watched his lunch companion thoughtfully.  Frankie appeared lost in his own world as he bit into his own sandwich. Still, he continued to stare. _How do I start this?_

"Dude, do I have mustard on my chin or something?"

Robert gave Frankie a small smile. "Sorry, I was just thinking how much you look like your sister."

"You better not try to kiss me. I'll pop you one…hard."

Chuckling, Robert shook his head. "No, but I'm sure you have plenty of women chasing you."

Frankie smirked. "I do all right."

Robert nodded in acknowledgment. "I know you think I'm an ass."

"Yeah, I think we pretty much all do."

"That's understandable. I didn't present myself well."

"Well, you made your first impression what? Five months ago? You really think you can undo it now?"

"All I can do is try."

"You're gonna have to do better than that especially with Ma and Pop. You were condescending as hell to them in their own fucking house."

Robert cringed. He remembered the incident well as if it were yesterday. As an excuse, he told Jane he had been nervous and had meant well. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm sure that's going to take some doing, but what about you?"

Frankie shrugged and slurped on his drink. "What about me? I'm not the important one."

"Yes, you are, I've got to start somewhere. I love your sister, and this whole shooting thing hit me really hard. I guess I didn't realize before how much she means to me, and her family is part of that."

"True, but you know we're not her only family."

"You mean the people she works with?"

"Yeah, Maura means the world to her, and I know Frost is like another brother. Can't forget Korsak either he was there during some tough shit."

"I think I need to add that Frost guy to my list. I'm sure I'm not one of his favorite people now."  Robert tried diligently not to think of Maura, knowing there was no going back with that one.

"Sounds like to me that you're just digging that hole deeper." Frankie added.

"I don't make the best decisions sometimes."

Frankie let out a bark of laughter. "Understatement."

Silence fell between them.

Robert met his gaze. It bore into him, digging deep. He slammed down the walls, letting Frankie see only what he wanted to reveal.  Still, it made him incredibly uncomfortable.  "I really love your sister." He blurted.

"Said that already."

"I just wanted to make sure you understood that."

Frankie's stare continued. "Uh huh. So what we're supposed to be buddies now that you bought me lunch?"

"I'm not that stupid. I know it's going to take a few beers too." Robert threw out a bit of humor, hoping it would catch.

Frankie smiled. For some reason, Robert thought it cryptic and it missed dark eyes entirely.  "I get off at six. I'll text you."

Robert nodded, feeling somehow relieved and apprehensive simultaneously. He decided immediately that it wasn't a feeling he enjoyed.

***

Maura tidied her desk and flicked off the lamp. She rose from her chair and found her way through the dark. Always the concrete thinker, the symbolism of the moment was still not foreign to her. After all, she was about to fumble through the unknown world of relationships somewhat blind without the knowledge base that was usually at her fingertips.  To make matters more interesting, that unknown world's center was Jane.

Maura's day had been incredibly busy but during the slightest lull, her thoughts orbited around Jane. The gravitational field Maura found herself immersed in pulled her closer and closer to the phone, craving just the sound of Jane's voice, but somehow Maura had endured. A phone call just would not do any longer.

Maura tidied her desk and flicked off the lamp. She rose from her chair and found her way through the dark. Always the concrete thinker, the symbolism of the moment was still not foreign to her. After all, she was about to fumble through the unknown world of relationships somewhat blind without the knowledge base that was usually at her fingertips.  To make matters more interesting, that unknown world's center was Jane.

Maura's day had been incredibly busy but during the slightest lull, her thoughts orbited around Jane. The gravitational field Maura found herself immersed in pulled her closer and closer to the phone, craving just the sound of Jane's voice, but somehow Maura had endured. A phone call just would not do any longer despite the fact that she may be dealing with an angry Jane.

She pulled her parka from the coat rack, and put it on quickly along with matching gloves. There was no time to waste.  The quick tap of her heels echoed as she made her exit. Once outside, she glanced up at the dreary sky. The clouds were full and gray, pregnant with the snow the local weatherman had predicted. Maura sucked in a lung full of bitterly cold air. It cleansed her. She let go of death and prepared herself to have a semblance of a life. _I can do this. I have to do this._

After finding a parking space, Maura sat in contemplation behind the wheel. A short time ago, she sat in this same parking lot panicked and completely discombobulated.  The panic was still present but there was also a layer of calm that held her together. Maura tapped into it and made her way into the hospital.

Without hesitance, Maura pushed the door to Jane's room open. The sight that greeted her tugged irreverently on her heart. Jane was asleep. Maura removed her coat and gloves, sitting them on the nearby table. When she was half way across the room, Maura realized the cacophonous noise her heels were making, she slipped them off and continued toward the bed.  She stared down at Jane's sleeping form, mesmerized. _I've missed this…seeing her._   Maura reached out to smooth back a stray strand of hair only to have her wrist encased in a vice like grip.

Murky brown eyes peered up at her. "Jesus, Maura. I thought you were one of the nurses taking way to many privileges."

Maura smiled brightly. "No, it's only me, but I think this is a privilege I would like to have."

Dark eyes cleared. A brow quirked. "Oh, really?"

"Yes, really."

"Well, I may take it under advisement."  Jane responded. Her face was expressionless, but her eyes held a discernable twinkle.

It would have to do for the moment. Maura was just grateful that the statement didn't lead to the anger from earlier. "That's acceptable."

"What are you doing here?"  Jane asked softly.

"I don't know really. It just felt as though I need to be here."

"Maura Isles. Slave to her emotions?"

"Around you? Yes, I can't seem to help it." Maura answered.

"I'm mad at you." Jane muttered.

Fingers that held Maura's wrist tangled in her own digits. Maura tightened the embrace. Losing momentary track of her thoughts, Maura asked, "For?"

"Trying to push me and then hanging up."

Their eyes met but Maura offered no apologies. "I was simply trying to open a doorway."

"Mmm." There was no anger in Jane's tone. In fact, at the moment, there was only affection.

Maura continued to peer into dark eyes that never seemed to end. "You don't seem the slightest bit upset to me."

"Because I can't help it either Maura. I know deep down that I can't do this, but when I get around you--"

"Yes, I am more than familiar with that."

"I've never been this way before. When you're around, it's like I'm a different person or just some part of me comes out that I didn't know existed."

"I just want you to be you, Jane. I won't accept anything less. Detective, woman, friend, lover…" Maura's voice tapered off. The hand that encased hers squeezed, hard.

"Don’t say things like that."  Jane pleaded but her eyes sparkled.

"Why not?"

"Because it can't happen, and it makes me want you."

The air imploded around them and heated to nearly unbearable levels with those words alone.

"Jane," Maura whispered as awareness chased its way across her skin. "There's nothing wrong with wanting."

Jane's eyes hooded and her face flushed. "C'mere. I need to feel you close to me just one more time, and then we need to talk. It's selfish. I know, but give it to me anyway."  She tugged Maura's hand, pulling her closer. Jane's eyes dripped with sadness.

 _It can't be selfish if I want it too._ Maura swallowed, wondering how far she could go without losing sanity and if she could erase the perpetual sorrow that surrounded Jane.  She shook her head trying to divest herself of heavy thoughts. "Your wound is still tender. I don't want to—"

"Just lower the railing and get in. I just want to hold you or try to."

The heels fell from her hand and hit the floor with a thud. At that moment, Maura was indeed a slave to her emotions and need. Without another word, she lowered the railing on the bed and lowered herself into the tiny space. The sheets rustled. Every inch of her touched some part of Jane.  Maura ordered her arms not to move. One lay cemented to her side while the other was harmlessly placed above the pillow.

Jane's head turned and they were nose to nose, breathing the same air. The impact of the moment shook Maura to her very core. She trembled. _Oh God._

"You cold?"  Jane's voice was low as if she didn't want to disturb the moment or the tenuous connection between them.

Maura drowned in obsidian. "You know that I'm not."  The arm that Maura was using as a pillow moved and fingers wound into her hair.  A hard shudder racked Maura's body.  Her brain back peddled screaming at her that they should be talking and trying to tear down walls, but her body wanted something entirely different.

"Maura…" Jane said her name as if she were in pain.

Breath fanned her face, and Maura's breathing went ragged. The hand in her hair tightened, causing her to gasp, and her stomach twisted violently, landing somewhere between pleasure and pain. "Y-yes?"

"Tell me to stop. We shouldn't be doing this."

Maura whimpered. "I… can't."

"Then, I'm sorry. I can't help myself."  Jane whispered.

Galvanized into action herself, Maura reached up. Her hand captured the smooth skin of Jane's cheek, tracing unbelievably soft skin with her fingertips. Their lips were a hairs breath apart. Their gazes were locked. Each second increased the tension between them and fueled the fire burning. Their harsh breathing mingled.

"Don't be sorry." Maura husked.

Sensing movement before she actually felt it, Maura moaned loudly before lips brushed hers. When the reality of the touch greeted her, Maura became undone. She sobbed into the contact, wanting nothing more than to dive in and never return.  

The caress was fleeting and over the second it began. She clung to Jane like a life line. Her lips tingled. Her heart raced, and nearly every ounce of blood left her brain to head southward, instigating an arousal thick and cloying in its sweetness. With trembling fingertips she traced Jane's lips gliding over the moist evidence of their embrace.

Jane stared at her in utter amazement. Her eyes were wide and her breathing labored. "Shit, Maura." Jane's voice was a husky burr.

"Huh?" Maura responded as her brain continued to misfire.

"I need to do that again."

"'Kay."

Their lips crashed together, devouring words and decimating thought.

Heady moans filled the room.

The hand in Maura's hair tightened further , sending tingles down her spine. Her nipples hardened, and as if they had a mind of their own, her hips began to undulate against Jane's side.  Never had she been so aroused by a kiss…a touch.

Jane's tongue flicked against her lips. Maura opened wide, giving her access to everything.  Maura groaned when Jane's tongue slid wetly over her own.

Suddenly, Jane ripped away from her.  "Fuck!"

Whimpering, Maura followed, refusing to let it end.  She snagged Jane's lips with her own and reveled in the needy moan that transpired.

***

Robert helped Frankie out of the car. "I don't know. I still don't think your sister will be too happy seeing you like this." _And blame me for it. She's already going to be upset with me, but at least I get to see her. I think she will be happy to see us hanging out._

"Shut up. I told you it was fine. I’m not a kid. Besides it kills two birds with one stone. You haven’t seen her today and neither have I. So, we see her and you can drop me off at home. I'll get my car tomorrow."  Frankie threw his hands up in the air. "Anyways, I'm not all that drunk. I'm not slurring my words. I just tried to get up too fast."

Robert sighed.  "All right but if she gets mad, make sure you tell her this was your idea."

Frankie smiled and slapped Robert's cheek playfully. "You may be an okay guy, Bob."  His voice trailed off as he mumbled something under his breath.

"What?" Robert asked.

"Nothing, just talking to myself."

"It's Rob by the way. I hate Bob."

"I know." Frankie grinned again.

 _They are like nails on a chalkboard…all of them._   Robert returned the smile. "You might be okay too."

 


	6. Chapter 6

**

Jane stared unblinkingly up at the popcorn ceiling in hopes of deriving meaning and answers in the random pattern. There was nothing… no discernible shapes or hidden messages. It was a fool’s errand and she was a fool up to her eyeballs in shit. Her body was exhausted but her mind was alive full of questions and memories.

The stark white textured paint on the ceiling had provided minute solace still, giving her a form of snow blindness and blotting out scorching images of just a few hours ago. If she closed her eyes they would be there, seared on her eyelids. Her body had become a traitor with its own agenda and its own needs of that she was sure.

With each second Jane’s eyes grew heavy. The traitor beckoned.  Every touch, every taste, and every sound rushed toward her, drowning her senses. She sucked in a deep breath in hopes of gaining some equilibrium, but again, it was a fool’s errand and she had most certainly proven herself to be the fool in question.

_Jane’s body throbbed with a different kind of pain. She could not get close enough to Maura. Her hands raked over soft skin in hopes of finding a way inside. Maura’s rolling hips divested her of the last vestiges of sanity._

_Jane was weak._

_Jane was lost, and at this moment she wanted nothing more than to give in._

_Sirens blared in her head a little too late, but she gathered everything within her to try to pull away. Only to find herself surrounded on all sides by a woman soundly staking her claim._

_“Oh dear God!”_

_The words ripped them apart, and the crash of a metal tray against concrete provided further sobering effects._

_Jane gasped as she sucked in much needed air but her lungs would not oblige. Dazed she peered into hazel eyes and saw herself deep within. Shaking hands reached out for Jane, fingertips scalded her skin and Maura expression held wonder._

_“Urm, it’s time for your meds…”_

_Jane tore her gaze away to glance at the nurse. “Don’t need any. I’m not feeling any pain.” Her voice was a husky burr even to her own ears._

_The nurse’s lips thinned as she blatantly tried to hide her smile. “I bet.”  Without another word, she picked the spilled contents and exited the room._

_Silence greeted them._

_Jane swallowed then moaned as the motion was followed by Maura’s hot tongue._

_“Maura?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“That was—“  Jane whispered._

_“I know.”_

_“You scare me.”_

_“I know.” Maura muttered. “I’m not going to let that stop me.”_

_Jane took a deep breath. Maura’s gaze was full of conviction and sincerity. This terrified Jane even more. “I can’t.”_

_“I knew you were going to say that as well, but you will.” Maura moved away slightly giving them much needed space._

_The door swung open. “What’s up Si—“ Frankie paused and nearly stumbled into the room as another familiar figure bumped him from behind.  “Oooo.” Her brother’s mouth formed the perfect ‘o’. “Man I bet the flies on these walls could tell stories.” His tone was laced with laughter._

_While Frankie laughed, Rob sucked the air out of the room. Jane felt his accusing gaze slide into her like a warm knife. Her anger was quick, and she waited a few seconds to feel shame. There was none. “What the hell?!”_

_Frankie shrugged at her ire and moved further into the room. He bent and picked something up along the way. A very expensive pair of shoes hung from his fingertips. “Yours Maura?”_

_Maura pushed her hands through almost perfectly coiffed hair and cleared her throat. Jane glanced at her expected to see the red wash of embarrassment but there was only a twinkle._

_“Yes, they are.” As graceful as possible Maura untangled herself from Jane and maneuvered out of the bed. She snatched her footwear from Frankie’s grasp. “Jane, I told you that bed was too small for the both of us to be comfortable. When you’re discharged we can use yours or mine for our ritual.”_

_Jane’s mouth fell open._

_Frankie chuckled. “You guys are like teenagers with the sleepovers. Mom thinks it’s cute.”_

_“It isn’t unusual for females of the species to find comfort in each other during traumatic times, despite the efforts of a male dominated society to socialize us toward competition.” Maura stated proudly with her head held high._

_Jane’s jaw unhinged. She was astounded. Just a few minutes ago, Maura had been practically dry humping her and now she was providing a cover story on a silver platter for her boyfriend. It wasn’t a lie but an omission of information. It wasn’t unusual for them to sleep together even though it hadn’t occurred in a while. Jane sputtered, knowing she needed to add to this conversation. “Ma, needs to keep her mouth shut! Frankie, that’s none of your business.”_

_“I have to get home to Bass. Jane? I’ll call you later?” Maura added._

_Their gazes met and the meaning was crystal clear. Maura had put the ball firmly in Jane’s court. It was her decision to make, and for this, Jane would be forever grateful. She grinned. “Thank you and yes.”  Still, Jane had the feeling that Maura was going to try her best to run interference and be all over the court until she got the shot she wanted._

_“No need for thanks. From my understanding, it is what friends do.”  Maura’s smile was radiant. She nodded in the men’s direction. “Frankie. Bob.”_

_Then, she was gone._

_Jane was left with her brother’s warped sense of humor and her boyfriend’s anger. “Ugh.”_

_“Ugh?” Frankie restated._

_“Yeah, can you get the nurse? Things are starting to hurt down there.” Jane pointed in the direction of her stomach._

_“Aww, damn okay. Be right back.”_

_Jane and Robert were left alone. With blazing eyes, he moved further into the room. “No, you’re fine right there.”_

_Robert froze. His mouth opened as if he had a hundred things to say. It snapped shut and his face crumpled under the weight._

_“You used my brother to get in here?” Jane’s tone was just as accusing as his eyes had been earlier._

_“Jane, it’s not like that. We were out having some drinks and---“_

_“By who’s invitation? Be careful now think about your answer.” Jane warned._

_“Mine,” Robert’s tone was hollow._

_“Do I look stupid to you? Goddammit!”_

_“No,” Robert whispered._

_“Then what the fuck?!”_

_“Do I?”_

_Jane could feel her brows draw together in confusion. “Do you what?”_

_“Look stupid?”_

_Jane scoffed. She was beyond irritation. “Right now? I really don’t know.”_

_“She was…” He paused and shook his head. His fists clenched at his side._

_“What? WHAT?” Jane nearly screamed. Her chest heaved and part of her prayed that he saw nothing. She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready for anything._

_“Nothing. I just wanted to see you. I don’t understand why everybody else has the privilege.”_

_Jane groaned. It was a parody from the sounds that exited her earlier. “This isn’t about you for fuck’s sake. I can’t handle the puppy dog eyes and the tears right now. I was shot, and it fucked my world up in more ways than one. All I asked for is time.” Jane took a deep calming breath and counted to ten. “Look, I know you love me, and I understand this is hard for you.”_

_Robert nodded in acknowledgement._

_“But still, suck it up and stop with the stalker shit.”_

_His features were pained as if he had been slapped. Robert turned and exited the room._

_Almost immediately Jane was contrite. Not too long ago she had been in heaven and now she was faced with a hell of her own making. Robert had been a convenient target. Misery churned bringing bile to her throat._

_The door swished open again. “Hey where’s Bob?”_

_“He’s gone.”_

_“You’re kidding? He was my ride.”_

 

Jane ignored the crushing weight on her chest and let the exhaustion take over, hoping her thoughts would not seep into her dreams. Sometime later, she identified familiar voices above her.

“I’m not gonna wake her. You do it.”

“You wanted to come back here. She’s your partner now. Don’t be such a pussy.”

“I can get my share if I want. What about you old man?”

“I do fine. You want references?”

There was a pause and then laughter. Jane awakened to see Frost and Korsak share a very intimate high five.

“That was a good one, man.” Frost said.

“Am I dead?”  Jane asked groggily.

The men above her snickered.

“No, you’re fine. We sure as hell not angels.” Korsak added.

“I have to be dead because I saw---“

“Us bonding?” Frost finished for her.

“Ew.” Jane wiped her eyes and cleared her throat. “Thought you said he tasted nasty.”

Frost smirked. “We bonded under a common cause.”

Jane groaned. “I’m almost afraid to ask.”

“Un huh, we both know when something smells bad, and your boy Bob smells like flaming shit.” Korsak added gleefully.

Jane groaned again this time in exasperation. “Damn it! What do I have to do to keep all of you out of my business? Fucking shoot you?” _This has to be some weird Twilight Zone episode where everyone mettles in my life!_

“She’s not so scary lying in that bed is she?” Frost asked.

“Not in the least. She’ll spit fire for a while, but she’s gonna thank us for it in the long run.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna thank you until I fucking twist your balls off.”

“Oooh,” Korsack and Frost muttered simultaneously.

“Anyhoo, just wanted to let you know we did a background check on good ole’ Bob.”  Korsak paused. “The boy is as clean as a whistle except for some parking tickets. I guess he’s just cursed with being an asshole.”

“After I say this, I want you both to leave or I promise you that this metal railing…”  Jane stroked the cold metal encasing her bed lovingly. “…will be so far up your ass you’ll be coughing up shavings!”

Frost and Korsack glanced at each other in silent communication.

“Oh my God! Don’t do that it’s creepy!”

“What?” Frost asked.

“The talking without words thing!” Jane tried to set up in bed. Korsack was kind enough to reposition her pillows. She swatted his hands away. “I ran him up when we first started dating!”

“Ew, man, and you’re calling me nasty? You got that creepy vibe from him too and you still have relations with him?” Frost asked.

“Relations.”  Korsack reiterated.

“It’s Jane, man. Using the word fucking with her is just sacrilegious. I’m sure it’s in the Bible or something.”

Korsack stilled as if thinking. “Yeah, I see what you mean.”

“Get. Out.”  Jane said through gritted teeth.

They sat down.

“Not kidding!”

“We still have another fifteen minutes before visiting hours are over.” Korsack stated matter of factly.

Jane sucked in air through her nose. “I have had a shitty day—“

“Couldn’t have been that shitty. I bet Maura was here. She closed up shop early.” Frost interrupted teasingly. “I checked.”

Jane wanted to scream in frustration. _Where can I hide the bodies? Korsack’s head is too big to flush down the toilet._

The phone rang. Without thought, Jane snatched it from its receiver.  “What!”

“I can come back and put you in a better mood if you like?”

Jane deflated instantly. Blood rushed to her face, and words fell from her lips without permission. “Maura.”

“Jane.”  There was a slight rustling on the other end. “Now that we have that established. Would you mind telling me what’s wrong?”

Jane grumbled. “I’m being pestered by flies!”

Frost and Korsack glanced at each other again and covered their mouths to hide the laughter.  Jane pointed an accusing finger.

“That’s odd. Flies? You’re on the third floor.”

“Not those kind. The kind I’ve known for years—“

“Oh!” Maura was silent for several seconds. “Give Barry the phone.”

“What? You’re not my mother I can fight my own—“

“Jane.” Maura whispered.

Jane’s heart fluttered. “Fine!”  She thrust the phone in Frost’s direction.

Frost pointed to the phone then at his chest.  Jane nodded and just barely kept herself from growling.

“Yo, what’s up doc?”

Jane tried to swat at Frost’s head, but it was to no avail.

He moved.

“Uh huh. Uh huh. You do?”

Jane could feel a headache blooming behind her eyes.

“Okay, but we’ll be back tomorrow.”

With raised eyebrows, Frost held the phone out Jane.  His smile was big and bright. Jane snatched it from him and watched on in surprise.

“Let’s go. Let her get some sleep.”

Korsack nodded and rose to follow his partner out the door.

“Um, hey,” Jane muttered.

“Jane.”

“What did you say…you know what I don’t want to know.”

Jane could feel Maura’s smile through the phone.

“Are you alright?”

“Things got heated after you left.” Jane answered.

“Do you mean he suspected?”

“I’m not sure. He was holding back. I could tell he wanted to say something.”

“ I’ve never done anything like this Jane. I didn’t lie but what I did do was still difficult.” Maura said.

“You have to know I’m thankful for that. I need to get where I’m going on my own.”

“I know.”

“I was a major bitch to him. I’m not really sure why.”

“I imagine it’s hard to feel everything with the person you won’t let yourself have and nothing with the one you settled for.”

Jane tried to swallow down the heat blossoming in her chest. “You’re not gonna play fair are you?”

“I’m not playing at all. This isn’t a game to me.” Maura answered.

“I know it isn’t.”

“Just tell me, Jane.  Just tell me that you don’t want me near y—“

Panic ceased Jane. The air in her lungs whooshed out forcefully. “No!”  Jane licked suddenly dry lips. “I can’t tell you that,” she whispered.

“I’m going to say good night now. You need your rest.”

“Yeah, rest. Maura?”

“Yes?”

“You don’t seem so new at the emotion stuff anymore.”

“Despite me being a person who revels in logic, I am still a creature of instinct.”

Jane held the phone in her hand long after Maura ended the call. One kiss had confused the principals Jane had become to pride herself upon. She was left with a conundrum. Jane chuckled but it was without humor. No, she was left with a clusterfuck.

*

Ice cubes clinked on the side of the glass as Robert took a long pull from his drink. The amber liquid burned as it inched its way down his throat. He welcomed the pain.  His grip on the glass doubled with the knowledge that he had painted himself into a corner. There was nothing he could say that wouldn’t demand explanation. There was nothing he could say that wouldn’t give Maura the upper hand.

Perhaps, she already had it.

Robert had never seen Jane’s anger to that degree, and he had never envisioned that it would be toward him. Defeat landed on his broad shoulders, and the weight was decidedly heavy.

Still, his mind whirred. “There has to be a way,” he whispered.

There had to be.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**

Jane’s grumble came to an abrupt halt. She smirked and placed the television remote back onto the designated strip of velcro on the generic night table. There was nothing to cure boredom like an episode of Cagney and Lacey.  It had been four days since she left the ICU behind and Jane was going to make damn sure she did everything that she could to enjoy her quasi-freedom.  The only thing that was missing was a bowl of popcorn and a beer.

The door opened, and Jane grinned in the direction of her visitor before her attention returned to the show.  “I don’t suppose you snuck in snacks? This hospital food is shit.”

“No, I apologize.”

Jane rolled her eyes. “Don’t apologize Maura just do better.”  She glanced in Maura’s direction, noticing the very expensive looking rain coat.  Stranger still, it was bone dry. “What the hell? You’ve got to be freezing in that thing.”

“I never knew you paid that much attention to my attire.”

Scoffing Jane murmured, “I’m a detective, Maura. I pay attention to everything. So, are you going to tell me why you’re wearing a hundred dollar rain coat when there’s no rain outside?”

Maura pulled a piece of lint from her arm and examined it before answering. “Actually it was closer to two hundred and fifty.”

Jane shook her head and sighed. “That doesn’t explain why you’re wearing it in the middle of a Boston winter.”

“If it bothers you so much, I could just remove it.”

Shrugging Jane murmured, “It’s up to you, but either way get over her and sit down. I want to introduce you to the wonders of Cagney and Lacey.”

Jane ignored the sound of zippers and rustling material.

“You don’t find that a bit stereotypical? A female detective watching a show about female detectives.”

“Ah, so you’ve heard of it. Good, I won’t have to waste time explaining.”

“No, there’s no need to waste time.” Maura added.

Jane’s forehead crinkled in sudden confusion. “Huh? What are you…”  As a commercial came on, she turned to give Maura her full attention and promptly lost all train of thought. “Holy---“

The raincoat was gone, leaving Maura utterly, completely exposed.

Jane blinked and tried to swallow, but every ounce of moisture had evaporated. Jane was shocked, yes, but she wasn’t an idiot. Greedy eyes followed every line and every curve of naked flesh all the way down to the sinfully high heels that adorned her best friend’s feet.

Slowly, Maura moved closer and every tap of her heel signified a tenfold increase of Jane’s heartbeat.

“As a detective, Jane, would you care to give a theory on what is occurring at this moment?” Maura’s tone was teasing but her gaze held banked fire.

Jane licked her lips and opened her mouth to speak. 

A ragged breath was the only sound.

“I see.”  Maura paused. “Should I help you then?”

Mesmerized by the sway of heavy breasts and the play of firm muscle, Jane’s stomach clenched and released a veritable gush between her legs.

“You were right about me, Jane. I don’t play fair. Not when every night I leave here and go home wanting you so much.”

Jane’s hands clenched into white knuckled fists to keep them from shaking, but the rest of her body was helpless.

Maura moved closer.

Jane felt the heat teeming off her in delectable waves as Maura neared the bed.

It was intoxicating.

“Touching myself doesn’t offer any relief.” Maura said in a pained whisper.

Maura sat down on the minute space provided and reached out. Jane leaned into the caress as soft, trembling fingertips trailed over her face.

“That didn’t change tonight.”

Jane unraveled with the knowledge. Nostrils flared and tried vehemently to catch of whiff of Maura’s scent. Suddenly desperate, Jane entangled Maura’s fingers with her own and without warning sucked them deep into her mouth.

They moaned.

Jane shuddered.

“Touch me Jane.” Maura pleaded in a whimper.

Jane’s eyes opened as the orgasm she was dangerously close to fluttered away out of reach. Her heart slammed against her chest and breathing was damn near impossible. Shaken, she swiped a hand across her forehead and through her hair, and it came away dripping wet. _Just like the rest of me._

Sitting up slowly, Jane peered around in the semi darkness and nearly jumped out of her skin when the phone rang. “Shit!”

She snatched up the offensive equipment and still breathless murmured, “Hello?”

“Are you all right?”

He thighs clenched in recognition and inside, Jane moaned. “No, I’m not.”  Jane husked.

“Is there anything—“

“Don’t you ever do that again, Maura. You understand me?”  Somewhere in the back of her mind, Jane was well aware she was not being rational. The throbbing between her legs made it easy to ignore everything else.

“Jane? I-“

“Do you understand me? Or so help me God I will fuck you raw.”

The sudden ragged breathing did nothing to help the throb.

“Answer me, Maura.” Jane demanded.

“I-I understand.”

  1. “Good.”   Jane hung up the phone. Needing some space and time to find herself again.



Several seconds passed before it rang again.  Jane peered down at her shaking hands then back at the phone. _Fuck it._ With a trembling sigh, she answered it.

“You were dreaming about me?” Maura’s voice was full of wonder but dripping with arousal.

“Yes.”

“Will you…tell me about it?”

“I can’t, Maura.”  Jane begged.

“Why?”

“Because I’m so fucking wet right now. I could lube up an entire engine.”  Jane heard Maura suck in a breath but it was followed by a bark of laughter. Both were delightful sounds, and Jane bit her lip to keep from smiling.  “That’s not funny.”

“No, no you’re right it’s not.”

“Okay, well maybe a little.” Jane added sheepishly.

“Should I apologize for making you dream about me? I know that I haven’t exactly been playing nice as you say.”

“No, and it wouldn’t help. At this point, you could just look at me, and---“

“And what, Jane?” Maura’s voice was abruptly needy.

“Stop it…stop that.”

“We’ve only shared a few kisses.”

“And the way you smell, look at me, and the late night phone calls Maura.” Jane paused and swallowed. “I swear if I thought it wouldn’t hurt to rub one out—“

“Jane!”

“What!”

“Well, there does seem to be an erotic haze around us, but now you sound as if you accept it.”

“I do, but—“

“I know, Jane there is no need for you to continue.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you either, Maura.” Jane’s tone sounded conflicted even to her own ears.

“I know that as well.”

Jane sighed. “What do we do?”

“If you would tell me what is holding you back, I’m more than sure that I can offer sufficient counter argument.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to begin, Maura.”

“You could try?” Maura’s tone was hopeful.

Resignation replaced the throbbing. “I ca—“

“Then, I wait Jane that’s what I’m going to do.” Maura cut her off.

“I don’t deserve that. I can’t ask you---.”

“It’s my choice, and I’ve made it.”

Jane gritted her teeth in equal parts irritation and guilt. “Fine.”

“Good, I’m glad we understand each other. Now, try to get some sleep.”

“That’s probably not happening. I can’t wait to get out of here and in my own bed.”

“Try and sweet dreams,” Maura added teasingly

Jane groaned. “You’re such a bad girl.”

“Only with you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

Jane lay alone with her thoughts and willed her body to lapse back into sleep. It refused to listen. It didn’t belong to her at this point anyway. While her body remained traitor, Jane’s heart and mind remained in limbo surrounded by fear. A hand closed into a fist and her fingertips grazed raised scars. It was a stark reminder of why she had to remain fragmented. Blindly, she reached for the phone once more and searched her mind for a number she had nearly forgotten.

It rang three times.

“Hello?” Robert’s voice was raspy from sleep.

Jane thought just the sound of him would calm her and transfer her to where she needed to be. There was only panic.  Jane realized that she couldn’t go backward and the thought of moving forward was damn near paralyzing.  Without a word, she hung up the phone. _What am I doing? What the fuck am I doing?_

She was exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally, but still somehow with the weight of the world pressing upon her, Jane felt as if she were going to explode.  To make life even more interesting, Maura had poked a rather deep hole in in what Jane thought was Kevlar armor. There was only one way she could think of to relieve the pressure and preserve a measure of her sanity… of herself, a slow, controlled leak.

Jane ignored the little voice telling her it had already begun, and it was already well out of her control.

 

**

Maura opened the door wide to allow Angela Rizzoli entrance. They peered at each other silently. Maura was the first to break it. “You and I both know, if Jane knew that we were meeting and discussing her—“

“She would have a cow?” Angela joked.

“Yes, something to that degree.”

“She is as proud as she is stubborn.”

“That’s true also.”

“So, I’ll only stay a few minutes. I just wanted to let you know that my lips are sealed about the whole Bob thing.”

Maura smiled knowingly. “That could have been done over the phone just as you informed me of the background check.”

“Well, yeah, but I haven’t seen you in days. I just wanted to make sure—“

“I’ve seen Jane every day. I like it better when we’re alone. No offense.”

“I figured. She looks like she’s about to blow apart any minute, and you look like…” Angela paused as if trying to find the right words. “… a woman who’s made up her mind.”

“Really? What indication have you seen of this?” Maura was curious.

Angela smirked. “Your eyes, your smile, and that scared as shit look that Janie’s had for the past few days.”

“I see.” Maura caged her grin.

“So, are you going to tell her about any of this?”

“The likelihood is extremely high when the time is right.”

“When will that be?” Angela asked.

“When I can no longer contain it, I suppose. She will be angry with both of us for a time.”

“I’m sure, but I can handle it. I’m sure you can too.” Angela grinned rakishly.

 _Ah, that’s where she gets that look._ “I’m going to be late if I don’t leave soon.”

“I’m going. I’m going.” Angela ambled toward the door. As if forgetting something, she stopped and engulfed Maura in a bear hug. “Thank you for caring about her, and I need to apologize ahead of time.”

For a few seconds, Maura basked in the warmth of a mother’s hug and returned it.  Then, the words sank in, making her apprehensive.  “For?”

“You’ll see. Have a good one.”

Then, Angela Rizzoli was gone leaving confusion and a small creeping of unease.

**

“You see the way the skin is torn here?” Maura pointed. “It shows that the blade was serrated.”

Korsack leaned forward examining closely. “It looks like the skin is mangled. Let me guess it wasn’t sharp either?”

“You would be correct.”

Korsak smiled proudly. He turned to his partner. “Why don’t you take a closer look, kid.”  He clapped Frost on the back, nearly sending him flying toward the body in question.

Frost let out a strange mixture of a groan and a cry as he windmilled to control his movement. When equilibrium returned, his glare was withering. “All right, old man. I can see from here just fine.”  Frost eased back to his spot almost half a foot away.

Maura watched it all with veiled amusement. “It’s so nice to see you two get along.”

“Yeah, yeah don’t rub it in.” Korsak scratched his jaw. “Back to business.”

Maura peered at Korsak curiously. _Maybe he could illuminate some things for me._ “Korsak, you’ve known Jane and her family for years.”

“Yep, ever since she came over to homicide.”

“What about her mother? How well—“

“Doc! She’s a married woman and not my type. Put my balls in a vice why don’t ya.”

Frost sputtered. “Ewww. That’s just ewww. It’s more gross than that piece of meat on the slab.”

Maura sighed and counted to ten. “I find it odd that your mind lapsed to such libidinous thoughts. Perhaps it’s a discussion to revisit far into the future…or not.  I was simply asking about her as a person.”

Korsak’s eyes narrowed. “Uhm, are we off the record here, doc?”

“If we need to be.”

“It’s not gonna get back to Jane?”

“She’s not privy to every conversation I’ve ever had.”  Maura answered irritably.

“Yeah, but she’s privy to a lot of other things. I hear.”

Maura glanced in Frost’s direction, but he found something very interesting about his shoes.

“That is not the point.”

“Okay well then let’s just say that Jane gets her smarts and all that bulldog stubbornness from her mother. That woman has a way of making things happen. It’s almost scary. I don’t think Jane even knows when she’s being herded.”

“Herded?”  Maura asked confused.

“Like sheep following all dumb and mindless.”

Frost chuckled. “Hell, you just described every mother I’ve ever met.”

“Huh, I didn’t think about it that way, kid.”  Korsak added. “Can I ask why you want to know?”

“You just did.”  Maura answered.

Bushy eyebrows drew together.  “Did what?”

“Ask me.”

Korsak wiped a hand over his eyes. “That part was rhetorical. I haven’t asked it yet.”

“I think you’re confused about the definition of rhetorical.”

Frost watched them both as if in a tennis match. His eyes twinkled with mirth. “Will you two chill out.”

“Pardon?” Maura asked.

Frost threw up his hands. “Never mind. Rizzoli needs to get her ass back here. What we have here is a failure to communicate.”

“Amen,” Korsak added.

A few minutes later, Maura watched as they left the morgue.  Korsak’s words left her more suspicious than ever.

The phone on the wall began to ring. Maura removed her gloves with a snap.  “Dr. Isles.”

“Hey.”

An involuntary smile nearly split Maura’s face in two.  “Good morning. This is a surprise.”

“Mmm, how so?” Jane asked.

“For you to call me. I’m usually—“

“The one doing all the chasing… I know.  I was just thinking…I mean.. I was feeling…”

Hope sprang into Maura’s chest. “You were thinking about me.”

“Um, yeah that.”

“It’s okay to say so, Jane. The world will remain upright I assure you.”

“Let’s see.”  Jane’s voice trailed off.  “I was thinking about you,” she whispered.

Maura’s world tilted. She sucked in a deep breath.  “See, I told you. Nothing horrible happened.”

“You liked hearing it though. I can tell.”

“I did.”

“I guess every woman likes hearing mushy things.”

“I like hearing the crude things you say as well.”

“The bitchy and mean one’s too?”  Jane’s tone was surprised.

“All of them and all of you.”

Jane sighed. “But Maura sometimes things have to be separate.”

“Do you mean that you have to be separate?”

“Yes, you can’t have all of me. No one can.”

Maura took hold of Jane’s words eagerly, knowing that she was offering Maura a peek inside. She didn’t know what prompted this change, but Maura intended not to squander it. “It must be horrible to live that way Jane.”

“It’s …something.” Jane was quiet for several seconds. “Can we change the subject?”

“Yes, if you need to.”

“I need to.”

Maura wanted so much to hear her name at the end of that sentence

“There was another reason I called. Can you come about thirty minutes earlier today? Ma, thinks it’s a good idea to have a family meeting with the doctor. He’s thinking of discharging me in a few days and wants a plan in place. She wants you there and so do I.”

“I’ll be there.” Maura ignored the sudden bolt of suspicion. _What is Angela planning?_

“And so will Rob. Can you deal with that? I haven’t called him yet, but I guess I have to.”

“You guess?”  Maura corked the roar of emotion threatening. She hid it well her voice was absent even a quiver.

“Isn’t that the right thing to do?”

“I’m not sure I’m the proper person to ask, but if it will ease your mind I do understand. You are in a  relationship with him.”

“But you don’t like it.” Jane said.

“No, I don’t have to like it to understand.”

“Would it help you to know that right now I think he’s a stupid ass?”

A fine sliver of joy slid down Maura’s spine.  “Yes, I like that very much. Then why—“

“Obligation, I guess. He’s kinda part of the family.”

“Jane, nobody likes—“

“Him…I know. It’s better that way, I think.”

Just like that, Jane dropped another clue.  Maura scooped it up greedily and stored it to investigate later.

“Would it also help you to know that I’d rather have you here right now all over me? No matter how wrong it is.”

Maura was completely unprepared for the words and the abrupt change to more prurient interests. For a moment, she forgot how to breathe. “Jane, I—“ Maura whispered huskily.

“Didn’t expect that did you?”

“No…not at all.”  Maura stood in the middle of the morgue covered in fluids.  She was a few feet from the results of unspeakable violence, and all she wanted was to touch and taste once more. Her stomach knotted almost painfully searing her blood with need.  “Jane…”

“Maybe you need to come a little earlier?”

“Maybe I do.”

**

Jane growled as the nurse entered her room. It was definitely not the person she wanted to see. The short phone call to Robert a couple of hours before left her feeling empty, cold, and way on the other side of irritable, even if it was a necessary evil. The joy in his voice made her teeth ache, and Jane wanted nothing more than to feel warm again.

“I see it’s not only doctors who make the worst patients. I’m just doing my job detective.”

“Don’t screw with me lady. I own a gun.”

“So do I.”

“You’d better have a fuckin—“

“Jane!”

Jane peered at the new comer contritely. “She started it.”  Happiness bubbled from somewhere deep within, and as a result, Jane sat up and merely eyed the nurse as she allowed her to take her vitals.

Jane stared at Maura as she gracefully eased her way across the room.  She was utterly transfixed, missing the nurse’s exit completely. “Hey.”  Jane pat at an empty space on the bed beside her.

Maura stopped near the bed. “Jane. Were you being a bad—“

“Girl?” Jane finished for her. “Yes I was. She wasn’t you.”

Maura’s eyes seemed to glitter. After divesting herself of coat and gloves, quietly, she sat down.

No words passed between them but they communicated need.

Jane could not resist the urge to touch.  She watched as her fingertips trailed over Maura hand, up her arm, over her shoulder in into luscious blonde hair. Maura trembled as Jane urged her downward.

Their foreheads touched and ragged breaths were shared.

Bolts of awareness chased over Jane’s skin, heating it.  “This is…insane,” she whispered as their lips touched.

The soft, wet contact was just enough to make Jane’s insides melt and Maura whimper.

Jane’s hand fisted in Maura’s hair, anchoring her in the embrace. Maura’s resulting moan set her ablaze. “God, Maura, I—“

The door swished open to admit Angela Rizzoli.  “Ooops!” She turned and pushed her husband back out the door. “Why don’t we just give them a minute Frank…”  Jane heard her mother mutter.

Jane wanted to cry. Being this turned on was a dangerous place to be just like on the south side at night. Disappointed hazel eyes peered into her own. Maura stood but Jane could see the fine tremor that remained.

“Let’s not keep the others waiting.”  Maura said breathlessly.  
  
*

Jane refused to look into her mother’s knowing eyes. In fact, she was damn close to ignoring her as she laughed with her father about Joe Friday.  All the while, another two sets of eyes followed her. Maura’s gaze burned. Jane couldn’t help looking up constantly and sharing secret smiles. Robert seemed to bore into her, leaving Jane uncomfortable. She had greeted him with nothing more than a brisk hello and a fake smile.

Still, it delighted him to no end.

Jane was sure that he was going to do a happy dance. _How did I never realize how irritating or smothering he could be?_ All except for Robert had utilized the seats in the room and pulled them closer to the bed. He stood behind them as if he were a guardian.

“I’m serious, Janie. I think she should have a friend. It’s gotta be lonely for Joe.”  Frank Rizzoli stated.

“He’s got one, pop. He used to play with Bass all the time. I haven’t been over there in a while, but when I get better that will change.”

Jane in no way missed the sudden shine in Maura’s eyes.

“I’m sure Bass misses her too. He has seemed introverted for quite some time now.”

The Rizzoli’s glanced at their daughter then back to Maura.

“You’re talking about the turtle, right?”  Frank asked hesitantly.

“Tortoise,” Jane and Maura corrected almost simultaneously.

“Uh huh. Well, Frank honey I’m sure Jane would love to have you over more often if you wanted to visit Joe.”

Frank Rizzoli’s face reddened. “Why’d I wanna do that?”

It was then that Jane met her mother’s gaze. They shared a silent moment of mirth.

A throat cleared.

Robert smiled as eyes turned in his direction. “Sorry, what time is the doctor supposed to be here?”

For several seconds, there was only silence before conversations resumed.  Jane felt the happiness around Robert change to palpable resentment.

The door opened again to admit the doctor. He smiled at everyone as he picked up Jane’s chart from the foot of the bed and rubbed his bald head as he read it. “The gangs all here I see. Well I’ve got some good news. There’s no infection and her labs are impeccable. In fact, she’s healing a lot faster than I thought possible.”

“So I can go home tomorrow?”  Jane asked hopefully.

“No, I’d still like to give it until the end of the week. That’s only three days away. You’re sitting up on your own and even taking a few steps with help from the nurses.  I want some things in place before I let you go.”  He glanced at everyone in the room. “She’s going to need around the clock care until she can get around on her own. A cna or home health nurse can be hired or she needs to be with a dependable family mem---“

“I think Maura would be perfect. She’s a doctor. You can’t get better care than that.  I can stay with her during the day and Janie could have her very own doctor at night.”

There was dead silence.

“Ma! Don’t I have some say so in this?” _Oh God what is she doing?!_ Jane glanced at Maura to see genuine surprise settle on her face along with a slight smile. Jane swallowed and peered at Robert. She was confused by the anger radiating from him.

“Oh shush. You’ll have the best of both worlds.  Everyone else can visit. I’m sure Maura won’t mind. What do you think, Bob?”

His sudden smile was bright and fake. “I just want what’s best for Jane.”

“Well, I think Maura is. I guess it’s settled.” Angela Rizzoli stated boldly.

Jane nearly choked. “Uhrm, don’t you think we should ask her?”  Jane was overwhelmed and had the strange feeling that she was being railroaded. _If I had balls, they’d be bluer than a smurf within a week. God, help me._

“I’m not opposed to the idea if Jane is okay with it.” Maura answered.

 _Damn you, Maura. Damn your beautiful sexy eyes and soft lips._ “Okay, I guess that’s fine.”

The doctor clapped his hands in finality. “It is settled then. Then consider yourself discharged on Friday.”

Jane watched the doctor leave, and she wondered when she lost total control of her life.

**

Robert’s fists connected with the punch bag in a hard smack. Sweat flew from him, dotting the concrete floor once more. It was as if he had come full circle. Each punch stung, jarring his bones in his arms.  He ignored the tears in his eyes and increased the violence. 

The women around him were in total control. He had no choice but to go along with the waves they perpetuated and hope that when the water cleared he was left standing.  Robert had other ideas of how to get out of this ordeal with the prize, but he refused to consider them.

They were dark, dangerous and possibly satisfying ideas, and there was no way he would consider them.

***


	8. Chapter 8

This was a bad idea.

Robert switched off the ignition and remained in his car, gathering courage. He held onto to the steering wheel for dear life. Robert peered down at his clenched hands to see his knuckles turning white. He clenched harder until the appendages began to throb. Pain was a feeling he was accustomed to. It was an old dear friend.

This woman was an unknown to him. She was fierce, unpredictable and she had been unnerving from the beginning.  Still, he had little choice but to become knowledgeable.  Robert’s mother had never prepared him for this kind of entity. His thoughts turned almost fondly to his mother. She had dominated him at every turn and he soaked in lesson after lesson until he became the dominant one. Her smile had been radiant.

Refusing any more memories, Robert rejoined the present.  He brought his aching hands together and blew on them to stave off the penetrating cold if only for a few seconds. He glanced out the windshield. The mid-morning sun was high and prominent, splashing brightness everywhere.  It was deceptive. The light cut through so much except for the icy temperatures.

It was just like every woman he had met wrapped in beautiful bright trappings but frigid inside.  Jane had never fit in that category, but she was dangerously close to being a full-fledged member. It was the main reason why he was here today.  It had to stop.

Robert opened the car door and unfolded his tall frame. He continued to ignore the little voice in the back of his mind.

This was a bad idea.

He jogged briskly up the walk and vehemently hoped that she was alone. Robert watched two cars drive away more than an hour ago, but he knew he could never be sure. It was a chance he was willing to take. It was a chance he had to take.

As he neared the door, Robert took a few deep breaths to calm suddenly jangled nerves.  The voice nearly screamed at him.

**This was a bad idea!**

He pressed the doorbell and waited.

In less than a minute, with a minute creak, the door opened.

“Now I know why people still have peepholes. I had to stand there a minute and stare.”

“Mrs. Rizzoli can I come in?”

Angela Rizzoli let out a bark of what Robert assumed was derisive laughter. “Are you shittin’ me? I want you out here so the neighbors can see.”

He understood that he was not liked, but Robert was confused by her vehemence. “I just want to tal—“

“Talk? About what? Let me guess, Janie?”  Angela Rizzoli’s asked with a straight face.

Robert completely missed the sarcastic tone and took it for invitation. “Yes, she’s been acting so strange, and I don’t know what to do. All I did was try to be there for her.”

Mrs. Rizzoli tilted her head to the side as if contemplating. “Hmm, let me get this straight. She’s been freezing you out and you want some help …unthawing things?”

“Um, y-yes. You could say that.”

She laughed again. This time, it was much longer. “You’ve got to have some huge balls to show up on my door step. How about I kick one and see?”

Surprised Robert moved backward quickly. “Mrs. Rizzoli!  I just—“

She stepped toward him. “You what!?”  Her face was blotchy with anger. “You gonna manhandle me like you tried to do Maura?”

Robert froze. At this moment in time, he knew exactly what a deer in headlights felt.

“Uh huh, didn’t think I knew did ya? Stupid prick. Maura may be forgiving but I’m sure as hell not. Touch me and they will find you in pieces!”

Anger boiled within, hot and thick. He clenched his hands into fists pulling from reserves to control it. It would not do to succumb to stupidity. After all, the neighbors were probably watching.  “Mrs. Rizzoli, I-“ His voice cracked.

“Let me give you some advice since that’s what you came for. I meant what I said two days ago. Maura is best for her.”  Angela stepped back into her house. “Don’t think Janie’s not gonna hear about this.”

The door slammed so hard he swore he heard it crack.  Robert stood for a moment more before reality reared its head.  Panic ceased him. _Oh God, is that why Jane’s been treating me this way? She already knows? Does everyone know?_   He pushed shaking hands through his hair and stumbled back toward his car. _Think Robert. Think!_

Robert peeled away from the curb, wanting to run as fast and as far away as possible from the situation.  He tried to grasp hold of logic. “If she knew, I’d probably be in jail. If Frank Jr. knew he wouldn’t have gone out with me.”  He said out loud.

Robert came to a quick conclusion. _Maura and Mrs. Rizzoli are working together to take her from me._   He swerved to the side of the road and came to an abrupt stop. Violently he pummeled the steering wheel. Robert wasn’t satisfied until his hands burned.  He had made many, many mistakes in the past couple of weeks, and the biggest one of all was that he used his heart instead of his head.

It dawned on him.

This had been a bad idea.

It was a fatal mistake he was going to pay for. Epiphany struck.  As soon as he rang the doorbell, he had lost Jane.  With that knowledge at hand, his mode of thinking changed.  He couldn’t preserve what he had with her. He had to start anew.

Robert’s heart silenced, and he began to listen to the whispers in his head.

**

Maura moaned thickly as the hand in her hair pulled harder, arching her neck further.  Jane’s searing hot mouth rewarded her slight discomfort by sucking at smooth skin and soothing it with a burning tongue.

Maura’s stomach twisted in unforgiving knots that left her breathless and beyond needy.  A sound she had never heard exited her own throat as teeth nipped. It was immediately followed by, “Oh God, Jane.”

The sudden, jarring ring of her cell phone threatened Maura’s sanity.

“Ignore it,” Jane husked.

Maura whimpered. “I can’t. It could be work.”

Jane’s lips trailed upward, stopping at Maura’s ear. “Five minutes. Ignore it.” Jane demanded.

Maura shivered then cried out as Jane’s tongue swirled.

“Oh yeah, fuck work.”

Maura abhorred that word unless Jane was saying it, and at the moment, she wanted nothing more than to be fucked.

Jane’s kiss swollen lips covered her own. Maura opened wide, basking in the taste and textures. Even through the material of her blouse, Maura felt blunt nails digging and scoring into her back. Unsatisfied, Jane’s hands inched up her torso.

Maura’s nipples hardened in anticipation.

Her cell phone rang once more.

Jane growled. “I swear. If that’s Frost, I will tear his foot off and kick his own ass with it!”  Jane pulled away slightly. Her eyes were wild with arousal and her chest heaved.

Maura closed her eyes to try to regain some equilibrium. Right here, in a hospital bed, with people milling about just outside a want had become a need. For Maura, the need was paramount. In one day, Jane would be a few steps away, and Maura had no idea how she was going to control herself.  Inside, she shuttered. It was equal parts frightening and excited.

 A warm hand cupped Maura’s cheek. “Hey, you still with me?”

Maura opened her eyes slowly, and she could not help the smile that spread. She turned her head and kissed Jane’s open palm. “I’m right here.”

Jane snorted. “No you weren’t.”

“While that’s somewhat true, rest assured it was a very happy place.”

A dark brow rose. “Really.”  Jane’s tone was decidedly dirty.  “Happier than the place you’re in now or just a few seconds ago?”

Maura’s thighs clenched involuntarily. “Possibly.”

“Huh, I’m going to have to try harder next time.”  Jane reached out.

Maura moved away, knowing she was already putty in more than capable hands. “I won’t be of any service to anyone today if I let you touch me again.”

Jane smirked. “Just how wet do I make you, Maura?”

In response, Maura’s breath caught. “Jane.” It was meant to be a warning, but it just sounded desperate.

“If it’s anywhere close to me. We’re in trouble.”

Their eyes met and held. 

Maura watched as Jane’s throat bobbed on a swallow. “I guess I should let you get to work.”  Jane whispered.  Her voice was soft, but her eyes burned brighter than Maura had ever seen them.

 _Maybe it’s time I start believing in a deity because I don’t think I’ll survive this._ Nervous and shaky, Maura nodded.  “I just wanted to come by and say good morning.”

“Oh yeah, it was that.”

*

Once ensconced to her car, Maura just sat and willed her insides to cease shaking.  A few minutes later she leafed through her purse finding her cell phone.  She checked the missed calls and almost smiled.  It was very apropos that Angela Rizzoli was calling while she was being molested by her daughter.

Maura bypassed listening to the message to just returning the call. Her curiosity was piqued.

It rang twice before a very frazzled sound Rizzoli answered.

“Are you sittin’ down?”

Maura peered around her car. “For the moment.”

“The nerve…the audacity… I still can’t believe it and it happened to me!”

Utterly confused, Maura said. “My knowledge is lacking in this subject…what is this subject?”

“Robert showed up on my door step this morning. If Frank Sr. had been here—“

Maura did a mental double take as apprehension slithered down her spine. “Are you all right? Did he try to hurt you?”

Angela snorted. “Apparently he has more sense then I give him credit for which isn’t sayin much. He claimed he just wanted to talk because he didn’t understand why Jane was freezing him out. I was so fuckin’ pissed.  Excuse my language. You’re probably gonna need to clean out your ears we we’re done talkin.”

Maura swallowed. _This could be…interesting._ “How much did you—“

“I was pissed enough to throw everything in his face. The cat’s outta the bag so we might as well feed him.”  Angela Rizzoli’s tone was mysteriously lacking regret.

“So he knows that I’ve confided in you.”

“Oh yeah, I thought he was gonna shit a brick. His face was red as hell, and I thought he was gonna keel over when I said the best thing for Janie was you.”

Maura closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose _. Oh ,dear God. There is quite a mess to clean up._ “I see.”

Before Maura could open her mouth to utter another word, “Janie needs to hear about what happened today, but it’s up to you to tell her about what Bob did to you. I suggest you do it soon though.”

“I’ll take that under advisement, but I’m confused about something. Why would he come to you? I’m sure he is aware that you dislike him.”

“No idea. I guess he thought he could charm me, but the guy just gives me the willies. He even tried to butter Frankie Jr. up to get to her, and you know her she either lets you in or slams the door in your face.”

“Well, she’s very conflicted right now.”

“She didn’t look that way a few days ago when you two were all over each o-ther.”  Angela nearly sang the last part.

Maura sighed and nearly rolled her eyes. “That was---“

“Two people all over each other. I know what it was.”

Maura caught the sigh before it escaped. “You do realize she’s going to be livid?”

“Oh yeah, I’m guessing this will be the straw…you know the rest.”

“I didn’t want it to happen this way.” _What will she think of me and my part in this?_

“I know, Maura but it was his bed to make like you said. Look at it this way, she’s yours now.”

Angela Rizzoli’s words were truly ironic.

“No, Angela. She’s not.”  Maura could hear the sadness in her own voice.

“She will be, eventually. I have no doubt in my mind.”

**

Jane buttoned the last button on her pajama top.  She peered down at them and sneered in disdain. They were pink with little smoking guns in every discernible spot.  “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to burn these when I get out of here tomorrow five days of them is enough.”

Angela Rizzoli clucked her tongue. “I thought they were cute, and I was tired of seeing you in that paper gown.” 

“Uh huh.  I’d almost rather have my ass hanging out.”

“God, you are so much like your father…grumble, grumble, grumble. Let me go empty this water. There’s something I need to tell you.”

“It better be something interesting,” Jane threw over her shoulder. “Cagney and Lacey is coming on soon.”

“Eh, Charlie’s Angels is better.”  Angela muttered as she returned.

Jane gave have mother an incredulous look.  “How could you? They’re not even in the same league. It’s all style but no substance.”

“You don’t fool me. You loved the smart one, Sabrina.”

Jane bit her lip to keep from smirking. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  _I always did like the smart girls._

“So, Bob came by to see me this morning.”

Jane blinked and rewound the sentence to make sure she understood.  “Are you kidding me?!”

“No, I’m not. He wanted to get some insight about why you’ve been so cold toward him.”

Pushing a hand through still damp hair Jane was stunned speechless for a moment. Then, the anger came. “Who the hell does he think he is?  All I asked for was some time and space. First, he tried Frankie and now you? I wanted to keep him away from—“

“Your family? Yes, I know.”

“He’s a manipulative little shit!”

Angela Rizzoli was quiet as a church mouse.

“Maybe Frost was right. The guy is a dick. I can’t believe the way he treated some of you.”  _I can’t believe I let him._ Jane looked to her mother for support, but all she got was a shrug.  “I wanted a man not an insecure little boy.”

Angela coughed and patted her daughter’s hand. “I probably didn’t help matters much by telling him I thought Maura was better for you.” Not wasting a breath, she went on. “Okay, sounds like you have some things to figure out, and I’ve got some errands to run. I want to make sure you have everything you need for tomorrow.”

Jane’s jaw nearly unhinged as she deciphered her mother’s word.  “What?!” She nearly screamed.

“I said I have some errands. I’ll talk to you later.” Angela Rizzoli headed toward the door.

“Ma! Don’t you even think about leaving!”

She blew a kiss. “You’ll be fine.”

With a swish of the door, she was gone.

Jane sat and stewed in some very angry juices as she stared holes into the door. There were way too many fingers in her pie, and her pie was getting rancid because of it. _They all mettle too fucking much. I can handle my own shit no matter how much it smells._ Even Maura had her own variation of it, but at least it was much more pleasant.

She covered her face with her hands. “What a fucking mess.”  Jane mumbled.  She knew what she had to do but hated vehemently that her life was further disrupted. _All he had to do was wait until I figured things out and we would have been fine._   It was a big lie she was telling herself, but the alternative was facing reality. It was something she wasn’t ready to do. 

Still, there was something Jane had to face. Her safety net wasn’t so safe anymore. He went where he didn’t belong and wasn’t welcome. With resignation, Jane picked up the phone and dialed Robert’s cell number quickly. She needed to see him.

“You have reached a number that has been changed, disconnected or no longer in service---“

Jane hung up and tried again, taking her time.

“You have reached---“

She tried his home number only for it to ring unchecked. Realization dawned. _I guess he knew me better than I thought._ As Jane placed the headset back on the receiver, she felt a pang of regret. He had been good to her up until things got weird. Then, guilt joined in because he never knew the truth about her fabricated feelings and their relationship. Almost seamlessly, her thoughts turned to Maura.

Jane was free now to do what she wanted, when she wanted.

She scoffed, knowing that she had been doing so already.  Jane sobered almost immediately. _Is she going to think I’m free to be with her now?_ Jane was pierced by an icy tendril of fear. _I’m not free to be with anyone, especially her._   Her mind whispered but her body and part of her heart told another story entirely.

Sometime after an always memorable visit from Frost and Korsak and right before visitation hours were over, Jane’s phone rang.

She held her breath and picked it up, hoping it wasn’t Robert.

“I’m sorry Jane. I was over run at work otherwise I would have been there.”

“Don’t apologize, Maura. It’s probably for the best. I’m not in a very good mood.”

“That doesn’t matter to me.”

“It does to me. I don’t want to be mean to you. Frost and Korsak don’t count.”  Jane smiled slightly at her own comment.

“Did something happen? Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I just…don’t want to talk about it right now. Maybe tomorrow?”

“Your room is already prepared.”

Jane smiled genuinely then. “I just bet it is.”

“Are you teasing me, Jane?”

“Just a little.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” Jane answered.

“Are you as nervous as I am? I’m very happy that you will be staying with me, but there will be virtually nothing stopping us from—“

“There’s us.”  _I mean there’s me stopping us. Who am I kidding? My body is gonna give in without any resistance at all. Please don’t let me hurt her._

“Yes, there is that.”  Maura yawned and there was a rustling of sheets.

“Yeah, I’m tired too. We’ve all got a big day tomorrow. Good night, Maura.”

“Night, Jane.”

**

Maura disposed of the used chamomile tea bag. She knew Jane would have preferred beer, but at the moment, it wasn’t an option.  In her opinion, the tea was a perfect companion to the narcotics Jane was taking for pain.

It had been an extremely long day in which Jane withdrew for a majority of it. Everyone else assumed that it was the tiredness and excitement associated with transport and transition, but Maura knew those reasons were in a minority. There was something deeper. It was depicted in the strain around her mouth and the slight dullness in her eyes.  Maura wasn’t going to pry, but she was positive it had to do with what Angela Rizzoli revealed.

The Rizzoli’s had blown in like a fragrant wind, filling her house with a sense of home she had not felt since Jane had last visited.  She placed the tea on a tray with some Lorna Doone cookies and her mind shifted back to the subject at hand.

Maura had made a decision. She had to tell Jane everything. She expected anger. She expected yelling and possibly cursing and she expected stony silence. Maura equated it to removing a bandage. There was no partial removal. It had to be done all the way whether it was painful or not.  She wiped suddenly sweaty palms on a nearby towel. _Knowing what I have to do doesn’t lessen the nervousness._

Her mind sifted through the worst case scenarios.  To Maura the most devastating would be renouncing their friendship. Maura dismissed it, knowing Jane better.  Her wrath was something to behold but her loyalty to those she cared about went beyond. Maura exited the kitchen.  Despite her pep talk, with each step her trepidation grew.  The tray clattered in shaking hands.

Jane and the couch had become one. Leaning back, she held the TV remote lazily as she sifted through the channels. Pillows that had supplied decoration lay littered on the hardwood floors. For the moment, Jane’s slob like behavior could be excused.

Exhaustion had settled into her features, making her appear a little less larger than life.  Maura moved further into the living area.  Jane’s dark glance flicked upward, watching her progression.

“I’d rather have the Abita Amber you keep in the fridge.” Jane grumbled.

Maura tried to smile but she didn’t quite succeed.

A dark brow rose in question.

Maura looked away for a second and tripped over the area rug. The contents of the tray went flying behind the couch and Maura landed on the happily placed pillows.

“Jesus, Maura! I don’t want to go back to the hospital this soon. Are you okay?”

Maura caught her breath and recovered quickly.  Leaning against the couch, she picked up a pillow and placed it in her lap. “I’m fine. Thank you for asking.”  Internally Maura cringed.  _I hope that wasn’t as robotic as it sounded._

“What’s with the forced politeness? You’re not freaking out are you?”  Jane asked desperately.

Maura closed her eyes and visualized a bandage being removed from a gaping wound. “There’s something I think you should know.”

Jane’s expression was one of hesitance. “I’m almost afraid to ask.”

“In the first few days that you were admitted to the hospital…”  Maura swallowed a painful lump in her throat as she turned toward Jane, seeking eye contact.  “…Robert somewhat attempted to assault me.”  She waited for the explosion.

Maura was not disappointed.

“The fuck!’  All traces of exhaustion were gone. “What the hell do you mean by assault?!” Jane’s hands went up in the air.

“We were discussing you and he grabbed my arm in a rather crushing grip.”

Full lips thinned. “To think I was feeling sorry for that stupid son of a bitch! How fucking blind am I? Did he hurt you? If he did I promise you I’ll ---.”

“No, I defended myself adequately.”

Maura knew what question was coming next.

“Why were you two talking about me?!”

“He…he suspected my attraction toward you and he instructed me to not interfere in your relationship.”

“What the hell, Maura?! You thought it was okay to keep something like this from me?”  Jane’s voice was loud and shrill.

“Your mother knew.”  _That did not come out correctly._

“What?!”

“We were talking and she suspected. I suppose I needed to tell someone, and she seemed somewhat benign.”

“What? My ass she is! My God, why can’t everyone just leave me the fuck alone?!”

“Jane, I—“

“And you, Maura. I never thought you’d keep things from me.”  Jane murmured quietly. Her eyes held confusion, anger, and disappointment.

It was the later that made Maura’s heart spasm and it galvanized her into action. She wanted that look in Jane’s eyes to disappear.  Maura sat up on her knees and reached out.

Jane jerked away.

“Jane, please. Don’t you understand? I didn’t want to interfere and that’s why I didn’t reveal anything.”  When Jane did not respond, Maura reached deeper inside herself and hoped that everything she was feeling was written plainly on her face.  “Jane, please?”  Maura’s voice was thick and pleading.

Maura considered it a small triumph when Jane’s body relaxed slightly. Taking it as an invitation, she parted long legs and stepped in between them. Almost instantaneously she was overwhelmed by the heat and Jane’s scent.  Of their own volition, her hands trailed up long, toned thighs encased in brief shorts.

Jane shuddered.

Their gazes met. The air sizzled around them.

“Forgive me,” Maura whispered.

Maura’s hands slipped underneath the crisp white t-shirt, ghosting over the large bandage to waiting flesh.

Jane moaned, and Maura caught fire.

“Forgive me.”

Hungry for more, fingertips grazed diamond hard nipples.

Maura’s mouth watered and between her legs wetness flowed.

Jane arched into the touch and guided Maura’s hands exactly where she wanted them. Taught nipples scored her palms.

“For…give me.” Maura continued to whisper brokenly. She needed an answer, but there was none forthcoming.  Grasping on to her iron will and trying her best to ignore the pulsing ache, Maura attempted to pull away.  A few steps away lay the point of no return and Maura did not want to cross it out of anger or sadness.

“No!”  Jane panted. Eyes that were flat moments before were alive again. In them, Maura saw need.  In them, Maura saw acceptance. In them, Maura saw everything.  “Please…don’t stop.”

Maura cried out in supplication and surrender. She whispered once more as their lips crashed together violently. “Forgive me.”

Knowing hands sifted through Maura’s hair. The slight tug added just enough desperation and violence to increase the urgency between them. Maura’s mouth opened wider both taking and giving more than she thought possible. Every thrust, every flick of Jane’s tongue unraveled her, leaving her pulsing. Maura surged upward as the ache inside her grew.

Kissing wasn’t enough.

Touching wasn’t enough.

She whimpered at the vehemence of her own need. The knots twisting and turning in her stomach became an almost unbearable pleasure. Her hips rocked frantically in an anxious search to find relief.  Jane lent eager hands into the fray, palming Maura’s ass and guiding gyrating hips.

Jane stiffened and tore her mouth away abruptly.  The subsequent sound that fell from her lips was anything but pleasurable.

Drunk and sluggish with need, Maura whispered protest as brain function returned slowly but surely. Maura untangled from Jane and settled into an ungraceful heap beside her. Breathing was nearly impossible, but somehow, she was able to rasp, “Jane?”

“Shit that hurt!” Jane growled through clenched teeth.

Maura reached out.

“No, it’s… okay. No stitches popped or anything. I think I would’ve felt it.” Jane added breathlessly.

For a few seconds, Maura’s hand hung in the air. Sensing the impending awkwardness, she dropped it but not before Jane entangled their fingers.

A charged silence lapsed between them.

Jane turned slightly, meeting Maura’s gaze. Slowly, she brought Maura’s hand to her lips and kissed each finger softly. The softness was in direct contradiction with the fire that sizzled in Jane’s eyes.

Each caress sent shock waves to Maura’s core.  Her arousal was nearly devastating in its return. A ragged breath escaped her suddenly burning chest. A whimper followed. “Jane.”

At the sound of her name, dark eyes closed and opened again slowly. “I know, Maura.”  With her free hand, Jane reached out tracing trembling, swollen lips with her fingertips.  “We don’t…you don’t have to stop…on my account.”

Immediately catching Jane’s meaning, Maura sucked in a breath. _Oh God._

“Please?”  Jane begged. Her eyes pleaded as well.  “Let me see you.”

Of their own volition, Maura’s lips parted, allowing Jane entry. She swirled her tongue around Jane’s fingertips before sucking them in deep.

“Touch yourself for me.”  Jane husked.

Maura moaned.

Satiation of this need was the only choice.

With her mind made up and with shaking hands, she unbuttoned the top to her silk pajamas, exposing herself to the air and Jane’s hungry gaze. The material whispered over her skin, reminding her of a caress. Goosebumps resulted, and her nipples hardened anew.

Without warning, Jane’s hands found her, kneading and squeezing roughly. 

Maura cried out.

Then, covering Jane’s hands with her own, she encouraged the touch.

Before long, Jane was the one guiding and hovering as Maura fondled her own nipples.

Maura looked into Jane’s nearly black eyes and flushed face. Her own enjoyment was reflected tenfold.

“Fuck slow and easy, Maura. I would be inside you already…so deep.”

The words alone made Maura gush. She leaned backward until her head hit the armrest. Maura wanted Jane to see everything. With renewed urgency, she fumbled with her pajama bottoms. Finally kicking them free, the jade green material sailed over the couch to parts unknown.

Without preamble, Maura bent her legs at the knee and spread them wide.

Close by, near the other end of the couch, Jane licked her lips. Her eyes were riveted.  “Fuck,” Jane whimpered.

It was the only instruction needed.

Bypassing her clit completely, Maura slid inside.

Twin groans filled the room.

Maura retracted slowly until just her fingertips remained. The sound and feel of wetness beckoning her surrounding her sent her forward again, deeper. Her back arched and her hips rose from the couch to match each thrust.

The feel of Jane’s hands on her thighs and blunt nails digging into her skin, spiraled Maura higher. Her eyes closed as she floated above.

“Look at me, Maura.”  Jane’s voice was deep, raspy, and it demanded attention.

With concerted effort, Maura opened her eyes and peered at the woman who had command of her body without even touching it.

“Can you hear it?  You’re so… wet.”

Maura became wetter still.

“Next time, it’s going to be me inside you.” Jane moaned.

The speed of Maura’s thrusts doubled. Desperate whimpers left her throat as the pounding ensued.

“Just like that…hard and fast.” Jane murmured.

The room was alive with the smack of wet flesh, heavy breathing and thick moans.

Maura began to fly apart. She reached out for Jane.

Their fingers intertwined. The grip was crushing, but the anchor was needed.

The orgasm that reached for Maura was frightening in its intensity. Still, she welcomed it. It seared her from deep inside and tunneled its way outward. Her hips jerked forward one final time before every synapse caught fire and overloaded. Maura began to quiver and the scream wrenched from her throat echoed throughout the room.

Long seconds later, Maura, still sprawled and boneless, groaned at the light touch snaking up and down her thigh. She blinked as her senses returned slowly. Attempting to sit up, she learned was easier said than done.

Jane’s low chuckle warmed her. “Let me help.”

Maura tried again with success. She met a glittering dark gaze and open arms.  Maura pressed her face into Jane’s neck and reveled in her scent.  Vulnerability settled over her.

“Whoa, Maura. That was…”  Jane’s tone held awe.

Relief flooded Maura.

“How…how did you do that?”

Startled and confused by the question, Maura pulled away slightly and peered at Jane.

“No, trust me I saw how you did it. I’m just saying. I need a change of clothes because what happened in my shorts…”

“Jane!”

“What?! I was just being honest.” Jane smiled crookedly and brought Maura closer.

Maura shivered at the warm touch on her back. For some reason, it sobered her.  “I’m extremely sorry  for keeping things from you.”

Jane nodded but their gazes held. “I know you are. It’s just that I feel like everyone’s been trying to play me like some game piece and put me where they want me to be.”

“That wasn’t my intention at all. Just the opposite in fact.”

“I know that too. It’s just that it was one more thing on top of a heaping pile of shit.”

Maura swallowed. Hesitant to ask her next question but knowing she had to. “Do you forgive me?”

“After that performance? I’d rob a bank for you.”

Maura smiled despite herself and the seriousness of the situation. “Jane.” Her name was an admonishment.

“I do.”

Maura released a breath she wasn’t aware of holding. “Thank you.”  She leaned in intending to brush her lips over Jane’s cheek. Their mouths met instead.

Maura became hyper aware of her partial nudity and the gravity of what they had just shared slammed into her like a truck. “What does this mean?” Watching the fear chase its way across Jane’s face, Maura still waited patiently and hopefully.

“What do you want it to mean?”

 _Everything._ “I think you know what it means to me.”  Maura answered.

Jane leaned in until their foreheads touched.  “Maura.”  It was a moment heavy of intimacy almost more so than what they had just shared.  “I-I don’t know how to describe what this feels like.”  Jane closed her eyes and sighed before opening them again. Her gaze dripped with emotion. “It’s scary and so out of control, but if feels so fucking good at the same time.”  She paused. “This isn’t a casual thing for me, Maura. I won’t lie to both of us and say it is.  I don’t know what to do or where to go from here. I just want to…” Jane’s voice trailed off but she didn’t look away.

“Finish what you were about to say.”  Maura added.

“Run. I just want to run.”  Jane tried to pull away.

Maura refused her. _Oh no, I won’t let you. I can’t._  “I dare you not to.”

“What?”  Jane’s tone and expression held surprise and trepidation.

Maura didn’t know if it was because of her actions or her words, and at the moment it was inconsequential.  “I dare you Jane. To stay, to talk to me, to open yourself to me…to this. Prove to yourself that you’re not the coward that you think you are.”

Jane blinked and swallowed.

Proud of herself and the challenge she issued. Maura smiled. “Not all at this second of course.”


	9. Chapter 9

**

Jane yawned and stretched gingerly as the morning met her again.  She blinked hazily as sunlight billowed into Maura’s bedroom.  Still, there was no way to stop the lazy smile forming on her lips. The night had been astounding and the morning was not far behind.

It had years since she had awakened wrapped in warmth.  Jane knew it had been the best night’s sleep she probably ever had. The press of Maura’s lips and soft touches had been a welcome greeting to a new day. Jane’s grin widened as she recalled just a few hours before.

_The feeling of being watched caused Jane’s eyes to open. She blinked and adjusted her vision. A groan escaped as warm, wet lips caressed Jane’s throat and trailed up her chin until their mouths met and clung for several precious seconds._

_Jane’s eyes closed to savor the moment. When they opened again, hazel eyes full of life and obvious devotion met hers and the owner was deliciously mussed. Warmth settled deep in Jane’s belly._

_“Good morning.” Maura’s voice was soft and barely above a whisper._

_“Mmmm.”_

_“Sleep well, Jane?”_

_“Mmmm.” Jane reached out and pulled Maura closer. Their legs tangled and a pleasant shiver resulted._

_“Am I responsible for your losing command of the English language?” The mirth in Maura’s tone was unmistakable._

_Jane could do nothing to stop the deep red flush that accompanied memories of the night before. She sighed in acceptance as Maura’s fingertips followed the flash of color. “Could be,” Jane murmured._

_Silence fell between them._

_Jane looked deep into Maura’s eyes, seeing awe settle there. “What?’_

_Soft fingertips traced the arch of Jane’s nose before doing the same to her lips and the dimple in her chin. Maura took in a shaky breath. “You have no idea do you?”_

_A dark brow arched. “About?”_

_Their gazes held for few seconds more._

_“How devastatingly beautiful you are.”_

_Blood rushed to her face faster and harder than it had before. Jane tried to turn away to catch the breath that just left her._

_“No…don’t.” Maura reached out touching the side of Jane’s face and brought their eyes together again._

_“It wasn’t meant to embarrass. I deal in facts Jane, and my statement has been proven time and time again. It’s time for you to believe it.”_

_Shaken by the words and the conviction she could see in Maura’s eyes, Jane knew the phrase had taken on a whole new meaning for her. Her heart slammed against her ribcage. Never could she recall being so moved._

_“Everything about you is---“_

_Unable to stand the infusion of emotion any longer, Jane had to act. The final word was spoken inside a kiss as Jane covered Maura’s lips, taking ownership of it and Maura simultaneously._

_Maura’s moan was loud, shaky._

_Jane shivered as it arced through her._

In the present, Jane sighed. It had taken a while for Maura to untangle herself, and Jane had enjoyed every minute of it. She wiped a hand over her face.

It was a sobering gesture.

_“I dare you, Jane.”_

The words reverberated and they weighed heavily. In a matter of seconds she went from remembered pleasure to actual fear.

Jane swallowed the lump in her throat.

_Running has worked so damned well so far!_   Jane’s voice even sounded sarcastic in her own head. It was a true statement however. Running hadn’t gotten her anywhere at all.  “Any ideas?” Jane asked the air. “What am I supposed to do now?!” She practically screamed.

Jane warmed once more at the sudden sound of a dog yipping.

“Janie? Where are you?”

Jane gritted her teeth so hard that they hurt. Irritation raced through her mingling quite well with the warm feelings.

“Janie?!”

The voice had gotten dangerously closer, but the owner of the yipping found her first. In true animated fashion, Joe Friday twisted and jumped in an attempt to get on the bed.

Jane chuckled. “Long time no see, huh?”

Soulful dark eyes looked back at her affectionately.

“Oh there you are.”  Angela Rizzoli stopped in the doorway. “You know I always thought her bedrooms would look like a bottle of pepto exploded. I guess I was wrong.”

Jane looked around at the warm neutral tones of the room and shrugged.

“Well, I’m here. You think Maura would mind if I put Joe on the bed with you? I think she realized where we were going. She’s been driving me crazy.”

Jane shrugged again. She tried to think of a word that meant beyond irritated.  Peeved? It didn’t sound strong enough. Vexed? That word would never come out of her mouth. She almost smiled as Joe tried to devour her face in one lick before settling on her feet. Hearing a resigned sigh come from her mother’s direction, Jane peered at her from the corner of her eye.

“So, it’s gonna be like that is it?”

“Yes!” Jane hissed.

“Ohh, she speaks! You’re so respectful.” Angela’s tone was heavy with sarcasm.

Jane mumbled, but it sounded closer to a growl.

“Don’t you growl at me! That hasn’t worked for your father all these years so it sure as hell isn’t gonna work for you.”

“I didn’t.” Jane added.

“Uh huh. You’d better remember I’m the one who has to help you go potty.”

Jane turned sharply toward her mother, peering at her through slits.

“That’s not gonna work either.”

Angela Rizzoli reached for the pillows behind Jane. “Do you wanna sit up? I’ll fluff for you.”

Grudgingly, Jane followed directions. _But I don’t have to like it._

“So much like your father. You get what you want and still grumble about it. Look where you are, Janie. You wanna look me in the eye and tell me it’s not where you wanna be?”

“That’s not the point and you know it. You just had to mettle didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I did.” Angela said it proudly and stood tall.  “Your job is to detect and my job is to mettle. Otherwise you’d be in your old room staring at that faded Corey Hart poster.”

“I could’ve gone to my own apartment.”

“I don’t think crawling everywhere is a good thing. Look, if it will make things better, I’m sorry for the journey but not the destination. You’re where you need to be.”

“Nobody bothered to ask me what I needed.”

“Because you won’t take what you need.”  Angela countered.

“Then, maybe I don’t need it.”  Jane whispered.

“Keep telling yourself that. It’s worked out sooo well.”

At that moment, Jane really did feel like growling.

“So how was your first night?”

Erotic snap shots flooded her. Jane coughed, choking on air. “Uhm, it was… fine.” Her voice cracked. _Like I need to be thinking about that with my mother right here._ Jane felt eyes so much like her own bore into her. “What?!”

Angela Rizzoli’s lips quirked into a smile. She sat down on the bed and looked around in earnest. “This is Maura’s bedroom isn’t it?”

Jane gave the room the once over. The walk in closet door was open revealing rows upon rows of clothing and shoes. Perfumes were scattered on the dresser and Maura’s pajama top sat in a green pool on the floor.  Highly distracted when she left, Maura had been unable to be her normal immaculate self. Jane tried hard to fight the grin, knowing she had been the one responsible.  “Yeah, so?”

Her mother’s smile widened. “I’ll just let it go at that.”

“Good call.” Jane added.

“Uh huh, so do you want breakfast or a shower first?”

“Shower then…can I have pancakes? That hospital food was awful, and I know you brought groceries.”

“I got chocolate chips and bananas too. Now, let’s get that wound wrapped up and get the day started.”

The irritation that Jane was determined to hold on to at first dissipated. Jane knew she was capable of holding a grudge but it seldom happened with those she cared about. This time was no exception.

*

Now, sitting at the table, Jane shooed away the pain pills her mother tried to give her in favor of the antibiotic only.  “I want to see how long I can go without it. Me and that fuzzy headed feeling I get sometimes don’t go well together.”  Feeling something furry, Jane peered down to see Joe Friday plopping down on her feet.

Jane sipped her coffee and nearly groaned in delight. It was just the way she liked it strong and black. “You found Maura’s bean grinder?”

“Sure did.”

The phone rang.

Without thought, Angela Rizzoli picked it up. “Isles residence.”

“Oh, hey Maura. She’s right here about to stuff her face with pancakes.”

Wordlessly, she handed Jane the phone.

“Hey.”

“Good morning, again.” Maura’s voice was teasing.

Jane smiled. “Uh huh.”

“I was calling to check on you. I wanted to make sure your mother hadn’t sent you screaming yet, and---“  Maura paused.

“And?” Jane asked knowingly.

“I wanted to see what you wanted for dinner, and---“  Maura said breathlessly.

“Food that taste good. I’m not picky at this point. And?”  Jane’s grip on the phone tightened. She was loving this little game.

“For the first time in years I didn’t want to go to work this morning. Proud of yourself?”

A pleasant heat bubbled up from Jane’s belly.  “Why yes…yes I am, but you started it.” Jane looked up sharply as a plate appeared before her eyes. The glitter in her mother’s eyes made her groan inwardly.

“I’m not prepared to take responsibility as of yet.”

“Huh, we’re going to have to work on that.”

An electric tinged silence fell between them, pregnant with words they wanted to say.

“Did you forgive your mother?”

Glad for the reprieve and the moment to breath, Jane rolled her eyes. “Yes.”

“Good girl.” The teasing tone was unmistakable.

_Here we go again._  “Do I get a treat?”  Jane took the bait.

“Jane.”  Maura practically moaned.

“Yeah, I…um will talk to you later?” _Good God kill me now._

“Definitely.”

Jane kept her head down and dug into the plate in front of her. There was no way she was going to let her mother see her expression or the redness of her face.

“Something cold to drink?” Angela Rizzoli asked as a glass of orange juice appeared beside the plate of pancakes.

Jane’s groan was pained and audible.

_I dare you._ The words seemed to come out of nowhere, but Jane knew they had never been far from her mind.

“Ma?”

“Hmm?”  Angela Rizzoli answered as she loaded the dishwasher.

“I’m scared.”  A million other things could have been said. Jane was surprised at her own honesty. _Whoa…shit. I didn’t expect that to come out._

Her mother turned and smiled sadly. “I know, but what I don’t know is why.”

“I—“  Stalled by her own heart, Jane gazed at her mother, watching as she dried her hands and walked slowly toward her.  A comforting hand touched Jane’s shoulder.  Jane sucked in a trembling breath, and as if waiting for the right moment all along, the floodgates opened.

“I-I can’t be who I need to be if I let myself feel this.” Breath exploded from Jane in a loud rush. It was something she had never admitted out loud. She closed her eyes expecting the word to crumble around her, but life just kept on happening.

Her mother looked at her expectantly.

“Doesn’t make sense does it?”

“It does to you.” Angela Rizzoli answered.

“I mean…I can’t be a good cop if I’m worried and thinking about her all the time. If something happens to me, it would kill her, and…”  Jane paused. “Not to mention Hoyt. If it got back to him, she might as well be wearing a bull’s eye.  What he did to me…can’t happen to her. I won’t let it. With Robert, there was no danger of that.”

“So…you don’t think any of that would affect us, your family?”

“No…I know it does, but that’s a given, you know? The less people affected the better.”  Having her inner most thoughts spoken aloud, Jane felt lighter. The burden was still there but somehow it wasn’t as heavy. “I can’t believe I—“

“Told me all that? You’ve always kept so much in. I’m surprised too actually. I’ve gone from mettling old woman to confidant. Do you see? The world’s still standing.”

Jane nodded. “I know. It’s just that my shit is my shit.”

“No, I think you need to learn that it’s everybody that cares about you. That’s something you don’t have control of. Besides, don’t you think Maura knows the risks?”

_I don’t want her hurt._ “Yeah, but—“

“Don’t you think she has the right to make her own choices?” Her mother interjected.

“Yeah, but I have the right to make my own choices too.”

“So what do you choose?”

“Hell if I know.  Part of me wants this…her, but the other part just shuts down.”  In a moment of closeness and genuine affection, Jane covered the hand that squeezed her shoulder.

She pushed her plate away.

**

Maura bumped the door with her hip to close it and readjusted the bags in her hands. She flashed a smile in Jane’s direction and headed straight for the kitchen.  The work day had left her nearly bone weary, but walking into her home and knowing Jane was there waiting made it all melt away.

Quickly, she poured the still piping hot soup into deep bowls and prepared a tray with drinks and condiments. _I could get very used to this._

Upon exiting the kitchen, Maura recalled the confluence of events the night before and sat the tray down on a nearby accent table. Carefully, she removed her Jimmy Cho’s and placed them underneath. 

Maura stepped around the area rug and sat the tray in front of Jane. “Creamy chicken noodle soup from Manzeo’s. You can’t have anything too heavy.”

Maura expected Jane’s usual robust response but only received a wan smile.  Thinking her demeanor was health related, Maura reached out intending to brush thick dark locks away to feel for fever.

Jane leaned away from the touch and refused to meet Maura’s gaze.

Maura’s heart stopped. She retracted her hand quickly. The sudden stab of pain was almost debilitating. She tried to breathe through it. _Relax. She has to be feeling vulnerable. This behavior is to be expected._ Maura tried vehemently to school her features into a mask thick enough to hide behind. She sat down. “Eat up while it’s hot. It’s best that w-way.” 

Maura cringed at the crack in her speech.

The television blared but the silence around them was somehow deafening.

Jane sighed. “I’m being an ass?”

Their eyes met. Maura wanted to look away but found that she couldn’t.  _It’s amazing how such a small thing can hurt so much._

Maura swallowed.  “I…didn’t say anything.”  She sat ramrod straight, trying to contain the sting of pain that still permeated. 

“You didn’t have to. I’m being an ass.”

“Yes…you were…are.”  Maura agreed.

“I’m sorry. It’s not an excuse, but I have a lot on my mind.”

“I’m sure.”  

“But when I’m being an ass, call me an ass because I know I can be one.”  Jane added.

“Pardon?” Maura asked, but couldn’t help the smile from forming as Jane raised a brow in her direction.

Jane’s answering smirk was more genuine now. “It won’t be the last time you know?”

“I’m sure.” Maura added with teasing certainty.

Jane gave her a hard glare, but it was full of affection.  Jane’s gaze dropped to her lap, and Maura knew there was more to be said.  She situated herself in an attempt to be ready for anything.

“Is it okay if there’s no incredibly hot but confusing kissing tonight?” Jane’s tone was breathless and uncertain.

“Confusing?”  Maura held her breath. _How can she be an ass again so soon? Or do I have no sense of self-preservation?_

“Confusing obviously isn’t the right word. I mean …I can’t think when we do that, and I need to think.”

“Yes, it’s okay.”  Maura was relieved at the second choice of words.

Jane peered at her for a long time as if studying her. At that moment, Maura was careful to hide nothing showing the hurt, the hesitancy, and the acceptance. Then, with a steady hand Jane reached out. Fingertips grazed Maura’s cheek. “I’m sorry, Maura. I never mean to hurt you.”  She whispered.

Maura leaned into the touch. “I know.”  Her own voice was full of emotion. She cleared her throat. “Eat your soup.”  Maura muttered.  Her insides settled from a horrible twisting clench to a manageable tingle as she waited for the awkwardness to arrive.

Long minutes later after dinner was consumed, Jane sprawled on the couch. Maura took in the relaxed features and drooping eyes. It was an endearing sight.  Maura reached for the remote, assuming Jane was dozing.

“Hey!”

“I’m sorry. Were you invested…in this show?”

“Not really. It’s a re run but the best part is coming up.”

“What is this? Some type of documentary?”

“No. Animal Hoarders.”

“While it’s not an uncommon practice, I find it hard to believe that there is a television show about it.”

“Well, you have to see it to believe it. These people are nuts.”

“Jane, hoarding is a documented illness.”

“Don’t care. They’re still crazy.”

“I think you’ll be more entertained by what I have in mind.”

Jane peered at her sharply.

Intrigued by the obvious turn in Jane’s thoughts, Maura smiled. “For your viewing pleasure.”

Dark eyes widened.

Maura bit the inside of her cheek. There was no law against teasing. “There’s a special on Egyptology, concerning the possible discovery of a tomb belonging to King Tutankhamun’s mother.”

Jane blinked. “Um…whata?”

“Mummies, Jane.”

“Dried up dead people?”

“Ancient dead people.”

“Ugh, no thank you. I’ll stick with my crazies.”  Jane said.

“Since you’re a guest, we can come to a compromise. I’ll record it, but if I watch this, you must return the favor.”

“How gracious.”  Jane grumbled. “Fine. It’s a deal.”

A few minutes later Maura wrinkled her nose.  “The smell must be awful.”

Jane snorted. “You think? She has over a hundred cats. It must smell like a sewer.”

“How---“

“Insane? I know right? Told you this was better than the mummies.”

“Why doesn’t she have teeth?”  Maura asked incredulously.

Jane’s snort turned into a hearty chuckle. “I’m sure we’re going to hell for watching this let alone making fun of them.”

Maura smiled. The banter between them was effortless as usual, and she found that she was actually enjoying herself with Jane even doing something as mundane as TV watching just like always. There was no room for awkwardness. While their relationship had changed, the core remained the same.

The credits rolled as the third and final episode for the night ended.  Jane lay at one end of the couch and Maura at the other. Their legs overlapped in the middle.

They gazed at each other from their prospective ends.  Maura’s hands itched to touch. She diverted instead. “Did your mother bring Joe?”

“Yeah, we were pretty much linked at the hip all day.”  Jane smiled fondly.

“Why didn’t she leave her?”

Jane’s eyes rolled. “Apparently my father would miss her too much.”

“Ah, I see.”

Jane yawned.

Inside, Maura sighed. She was putting off the inevitable. Jane’s surgical site needed checking and she needed to change the bandage.  She took a deep breath. _It’s simple really. I just have to pretend that that torso isn’t attached to that body. Objectivity is needed here._   “I should check your wound and let you get to bed.”  Maura swallowed. “Or would you like to shower first?”

“Eh, no. I had one this morning.” Jane waved her hand nonchalantly.  “ I’ve been sitting my ass around here all day. It’s not like I collected dirt.”

“Right then. I left the medical supplies in your bedroom. I’ll help you up.”  Maura steeled herself once more determined not to be affected by Jane’s scent or her warmth.

Jane yawned again as they entered the guest bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed. “Uhm, sorry. I think my mouth just opened wide enough to swallow my head.”

“It’s okay. Your body is healing. I’m sure you’re exhausted.”  Suddenly nervous, Maura leafed through the bag of supplies until she got what was needed. “Um,  I’m going to need you to lift your T-shirt.”

Jane followed directions perfectly. The plain white T-shirt was lifted to just below her breasts, revealing toned, naturally tanned skin part of which was covered in a bandage.

Maura kneeled between splayed thighs.

She reached out intent on removing the tape around the corners carefully.  Jane’s stomach muscles contracted violently. Maura glanced upward quickly at the sound of a rushed breath. “Am I hurting you?”

“No…”  Jane’s tone was strained and husky. “Just go ahead.”

Their eyes met, but Jane broke the gaze almost immediately. Still, it was long enough for Maura to see banked fire burning.  She peered down at her hands to see them trembling. Making a quick fist, Maura set herself back to her task.

Her fingertips brushed against incredibly soft, warm skin, and each time it seemed to grow hotter.  Maura attempted to ignore the twinge of awareness. _Objectivity._ “The site looks good.  No outward signs of infection or strain.”

“Mmmm.”

Maura nearly jumped as Jane’s torso vibrated with the sound. She worked quickly to re-bandage the area.  “There all done.”  Maura’s knuckles brushed past Jane’s navel.

Stomach muscles spasmed for the second time.

This time, Maura was riveted and intrigued by what a simple touch could do to Jane’s body.  Her hand flattened against well-formed stomach muscles. The awareness was back, and Maura’s own stomach clenched in acknowledgement.  Mesmerized, Maura watched intently as her pale hand trailed upward over darker skin.  The contrast and the constant jump of muscles under her fingertips was frighteningly erotic.

_Objectivity!_   Her mind screamed.  Maura leaned forward as her mouth and tongue followed the same blazing trail. Utterly intoxicated by the taste and feel of Jane, Maura groaned.

Jane hissed.

Shaken by her own lack of control, Maura glanced up at Jane. Their gazes caught.

The fire in Jane’s eyes was no longer banked.  It burned bright enough to singe the air around them.

Maura gasped and arched upward in one fluid motion.

As if by unspoken mutual agreement, their mouths met hungrily.

Maura whimpered as Jane’s tongue flicked over her own. Then, she moaned outright as hands fisted in her hair, pulling just hard enough to make her blood sing.

Maura’s nails sank into the outside of Jane’s upper thighs, needing an anchor but needing to touch even more.

Jane shivered.

Breathing became a necessity but still their lips met and clung.

Their foreheads touched.

“Is it wrong…” Jane murmured raggedly. “…if I say that I can’t stay away from you anymore?”

Maura shook her head and smiled as their lips met once more. “Not if I feel the same. Maybe we shouldn’t even try.”

“But what about the…thinking?”

“Is it possible that you should listen to what you feel m-more?”  Maura trembled as Jane’s hands circled her neck before tunneling back into her hair.

This kiss was soft and decidedly sweet.

“Stay in here tonight?” Jane whispered.

“Only if you promise not to steal the covers.” Maura grinned.

**

Robert scratched at the stubble growing on his cheeks and took a long sip of his hot chocolate. It was the perfect thing for such a cold morning.  He slumped down in the seat of the rental car as his quarry walked past.

It had been five agonizing days since things ended with Jane. By the third day, a plan had taken root, making things a bit easier.  He watched the familiar form get into her vehicle and clamped down on the rage starting to boil. _Anger isn’t going to get me where I need to be._

Robert put his drink in the cup holder and started the car. He waited a few seconds to pull out into traffic. It simply wouldn’t do to be seen. There was so much left to be done. His first priority was making sure he had her routine down completely.

**

 

Maura stretched languidly, closing the minute distance between her and Jane. She smiled at the grumble that originated from somewhere behind her. Arms and legs already roped around Maura tightened in a fruitless attempt to capture what had already been conquered.

“It’s Saturday…go back to sleep.”

Maura’s smile widened exponentially.  “I refuse to sleep the morning away, but there’s no reason for you to get up.”

“Nooo.”

Jane brought them impossibly closer. Maura’s heart ceased. It was too adorable not too.

“It’s a rule.”

“Really? I’m not privy to these so called rules.” Maura asked.

“Uhh, it’s too early to use words like that.”

“It was only five letters.”

“No, I think there’s more than that.”  Jane said.

“No, there isn’t. Now about these rules… also a five letter word.”

“Yes, no getting up before Noon on Saturdays.”

“I see. Did I miss a memo?” Maura asked.

“No, no they’re implied.”

“How can they be implied if you’re the only one that knows of them?”  Maura turned over until they were facing each other.

Brown eyes blinked back at her sleepily but a smirk had settled on Jane’s lips. Dark hair was a tumbled mess. It was delicious.

“’Cause.”

“Cause?”

“It’s too early to use the be.” Jane whined and threw her free arm over her eyes.

Maura bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. “So, because?”

“Because I just made it up. Damn, Maura just go back to sleep.”

“So we’re using four letter words now?”

“You started it. Privy this and privy that. It’s a curse word to me. ”

Propping herself up on an elbow, Maura peered down at Jane. She waded through all the subterfuge and came to a quick conclusion. “If you want me to stay, all you had to do was ask.”  Maura whispered.

“I did!” Jane’s tone was petulant. “In fifty words or less.” Her mouth twitched into a full-fledged smile. With a show of force, she pulled Maura back to her. “Now go the fuck back to sleep.”

Maura released a chuckle as she kissed Jane’s chin. “Be careful you’re going to hurt yourself.”  Then Maura added. “That was a really bad four letter word.”

“Bahh! It’s fine I haven’t felt a twinge all week and that sure as hell wasn’t a bad word.”

“The way you just used it was.” Maura added.

“It?”  Jane’s eyebrows quirked.

“You know what I’m referring to.”

“No, I think you need to be more specific. Consider it another rule.” Jane said.

“I don’t like your rules, and I abhor that word.”

“Bullshit. You love it when I say it. I was there too, remember?”

“No, I just---“  Maura stated. _Well, she has me there._

“Like me saying it when we’re close to fucking? Or when you want me to fuck you?”

Maura sighed but did nothing to hide the shiver Jane’s words caused. Her stomach twisted. “Consummate. It’s more clinically sound.”

“It sounds like soup.”  Gracefully, Jane flipped them over. Their legs parted naturally hip to thigh. “Don’t think I didn’t feel that.”  She whispered hotly.

“Make love.” Maura’s words whooshed outward breathlessly. Her body tingled everywhere Jane touched. They fit perfectly together every dip to every valley. Maura looked deep into brown eyes that began to burn.  _How is it possible to feel this way after a few words?_

“Yeah, we can do that after I fuck you. Do you really think we’ll be able to go slow?”  Jane’s breath ghosted over her face and her lips lingered dangerously.

The sudden gush of arousal caught Maura off guard. A tremulous breath escaped.

“So you see my point?” 

“Yes, I do.”  Maura murmured as Jane’s lips brushed over her cheeks. Her breathing stilted in her chest.

“I bet I’d love it if you said it too. No, I’m positive I would.” Jane’s tone was husky, thick.

“The probability for that occurring is lo—“

“Bullshit, Maura. Before all is said and done you’re going to say it in one derivation or another.”

Maura gasped at the brash undulation of Jane’s hips. “Deri…vation?”

“Mmm, my big word for today.”

“Well, I look forward to your attempts to get me to say i---“

“Fuck.” Jane nearly moaned as Maura grasped her hips urging her to pick up the cadence.

“Yes, that.” Maura whimpered as Jane’s lips found her throat. Her own hips began to dance.

“We could practice right now…” 

“That’s probably not the best… idea.” Maura whispered regretfully while she still had the ability to reason.

“Why the hell not?”

“Korsak and Frost are coming over for breakfast.”

Jane groaned. “That’s an awful idea! Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?”

“You distracted me.” Maura answered.

Jane smirked. “I did huh?”

“It’s also perfectly appropriate that they come over. They miss you.”

“Mmm huh.”  Jane paused. “So I guess I need to stop this.”  She punctuated her words with a hard grind.

A needy moan escaped Maura. “God…yes. We—“

“Make me.”  Jane murmured as she brought their lips together to seal the heat between them.

*

Maura smiled as Korsak groaned after taking the first sip of his coffee.

“Let me guess. You fly to Brazil or someplace every week to get the best coffee beans.” Korsak asked.

“No, the Internet is truly a wonderful thing.”

Jane grunted.

Maura sighed.

Jane glared at the two men sitting across the table.

Frost’s grin was slow in forming but it was growing.  “Did we…interrupt something?”

“Jane’s a bit ill-temper--”

“Yes!” Jane interjected.

Frost exhibited a full blown toothy grin and peered at his temporary partner. “You owe me twenty.”

Korsak grumbled and continued to drink his coffee.

Maura felt her mouth drop open. She was appalled. She was flabbergasted. It was …to be expected. “You’re gambling on our sexual proclivities?”

“Oh, now see that just sounded nasty. What the hell is a proclivity? And do I want to know where it is?” Frost asked with a horrified yet curious look on his face.

Jane snorted.  “She means our sex lives. Damn, why don’t you read a book? Better yet I’ll get Maura to send you a new word to learn every day.”

Frost shook his head as he bit into his pastry. “That’s quite alright.”

Guiltily, Maura watched him as he chewed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to actually cook before you arrived.”

“Ah, it’s okay. The coffee more than makes up for it. I told Barry it was a good idea to stop at the bakery on the way here.”

“Due to your bet?” Maura asked.

“No, because it’s Saturday. Despite the invite some people like to sleep in.”

“Ha!” Jane smacked the table. “Told you.”

“You didn’t protest this much on any other Saturday that I recall.” Maura stated totally amused by the smug look on Jane’s face.

“So, it’s still an unspoken rule.”

“Yes, I understand.”

“Good. So we won’t have this issue again?” Brown eyes sparkled with amusement.

“Not this one… no.”

“Good girl.” Jane’s tone was teasing and a bit lascivious.

Tearing her gaze away, Maura peered at her guest who instantly found something more interesting to look at in their coffee cups.

Frost cleared his throat. “Uh, so when do you go back to the doctor?”

“On Wednesday.”

“You think he’s going to clear you for desk duty?”

“Probably.”

“For half the day more than likely.” Maura added. “Stress is a mitigating factor.”

Jane groaned. “I’d rather sit around here and watch TV then hang around in the office pushing paper.”

“Don’t blame you on that one.” Korsak commented. “But you do dress up the place.”

Maura smiled in agreement. The smile widened at the blush coloring Jane’s cheeks. “I concur.”

Their gazes caught and Jane’s flush deepened.

“Are you guys going to do this at the office?”  Jane looked pointedly at Frost and Korsak. “It’s going to be weird if you do.”

“Hell no. We know how to be professional. It’s just a good thing to see you away from that dick.” Frost answered. “Has he been to visit? How does that work with the two of you having a thing?” He pointed from Jane to Maura.

Jane sighed.

Maura reached under the table and squeezed Jane’s thigh reassuringly.

“No, he hasn’t been to visit. We’re not together anymore.”  Jane said irritably.

“That’s some of the best news I’ve heard all year.” Korsak mumbled.

“Yeah, that guy made my hair stand up.” Frost added. “You haven’t heard from him at all?”

“Nope.”

Maura watched curiously as Korsak and Frost glanced at each other, communicating silently.

“What?” Jane asked obviously noticing the exchange too.

“Nothing, just asking.” Frost answered.

“Uh huh.” Jane’s tone was skeptical. “I totally saw that eye thing, you know.”

“What eye thing?” Korsak asked.

“That eye thing! The same thing you guys did in the hospital after the high five. It’s still scary.”

“Well get your ass back in gear and you won’t have to worry about it now will you?”  Korsak asked.

“Fuck the both of you.” Jane said with a smirk.

“I don’t think we’re included in your proclivities.”  Frost countered.

Maura watched the laughter blossom around her. Then, she joined in on the festivities.

**

Jane bit into the hoagie. Her eyes rolled as she moaned. “God, this was the best idea ever. I love hanging around your place, but it’s good to get out.”

“That’s understandable. You’re walking on your own now. We were only two blocks away from this place. All we had to do was bundle up and be on our way.”  Maura said.

Jane took a long drag from her lemonade. “Yeah, but I miss pizza, fries, and beer.”  _And sex. Why haven’t we had it?_ Jane took another bite of her sandwich. “But this turkey avocado thing is pretty good too.”  _I’m sure my fuck upedness has something to do with it._

Jane watched as Maura nibbled a corner of her own sandwich. “You don’t like your cheese thing?”

“It’s cucumber and cream cheese.”

“Ugh, I wouldn’t like it either.

“I like it just fine. I’m just savoring it.” Maura said.

“Mmm. You were right you know. I was nice to see the guys for more than a few minutes.”

Maura dabbed at her lips with a napkin. “I’m sure they enjoyed it as well.”

Taking a sip from her straw, Jane contemplated all the things she needed to say and the things that she just couldn’t. _I’m tired. Holding all this in is taking up way too much energy. I don’t know if I have the strength anymore._  “Maura?”

“Yes?”  Maura looked at her expectantly.

“You’ll let me know when you’re tired of my shit?”  Jane knew it was an odd place for this conversation, but still, it was neutral ground. The people around them drifted away to nothingness.

“I’m not sure---“

“This whole push and pull thing…aren’t you tired of it?” _I know I am. My head is starting to spin._

“I think it will be fruitful in the end. So…no I’m not.  It does hurt at times.”  Maura’s eyes were clear enough to see every emotion reflected in them.

Jane shook her head and pushed a hand through her hair. “How do you do it? I mean, it must be murder to deal with me and never know what’s going to happen.”

“It took some adjustment to learn to deal with you, but it’s been worth it.” Maura’s voice was strong with conviction.

Still, Jane had doubt. “You’re being very polite, Maura. I know there’s some nasty stuff in there somewhere.”

“No, I’m being honest, and if you think otherwise you don’t know me.” Maura’s hand clenched into a fist and relaxed slowly.

“You’ve kept things from me before.” Jane’s tone was matter of fact. _That needed to be said._

“In order to give you the chance to make your own decisions. I’ve never hidden my feelings.”

“I could hurt you.”  Jane countered quickly.

“No…you could devastate me.”

The statement took Jane’s breath away. _My God, I could._ “Knowing this how can you deal with me?” Jane could hear the sorrow in her own voice.

“Because if I didn’t that would devastate me as well.”  Maura smiled just as sadly.

  _Dam_ n _it Maura_. “So damned if you do and damned if you don’t.”

“That could be an accurate description, yes.”

“No pressure, huh?” Jane asked.

“I’ve never pressured you. I think it’s probably of your own making.”

_Touché, Maura._ “I want this…I want you. You know that right?”

Maura nodded. “I do.”  Hazel eyes twinkled with affection and hope.

Shaking her head at the complication of it all, Jane shifted gears and spun out of the gate. “I’m a cop, Maura. If we do this relationship thing, how are you going to deal with that? Everyday I’m in danger.” Her burden lightened further as her fears became a reality for them.

“I’m aware of that. I expect you to do your job and do it well. I wouldn’t deal with it any differently as I did as best friend.  I want you to be who you are. I wouldn’t ask for anything… less.” Maura’s voice trembled with emotion.

“All or nothing, huh?”  Jane’s heart thudded. It wasn’t the answer she expected but it was the answer she needed.

“I deserve nothing less and so do you.”

“But what about my feelings? I’m going to worry about you worrying. I’m going to worry about how you’ll cope if I’m actually killed in the line of duty.” Jane pleaded.

“You were almost killed, Jane. How am I doing?”

“This is different.”  Jane stressed.

“No, it isn’t. You almost died, and it made me realize exactly what I was missing. I was just wasting time before. I won’t do that again. Whether you agree to this or not, I can say that that I tried. I’m trying, Jane.”

“And that’s all you want me to do?”

“Yes.”

Jane reached across the table covering Maura’s hand with her own. Epiphany struck again. It wasn’t just her fears that held her at bay. It was also the fear that Maura would know exactly what to say to alleviate them. It had already started. 

Jane squeezed Maura’s hand and held on for dear life.

**

Robert took a sip of his caramel latte and cringed. It was way too sweet. He peered out  his windshield and watched as people milled in and out of the grocery store. It was oddly busy for early morning.

The back of his neck started to burn making the hairs there stand at attention.  His head whipped around to the left then the right. The feeling of being watched was overwhelming.  Robert gave the parking lot another once over. He chuckled at his own paranoia.

As his quarry exited the automatic doors, Robert made a notation in his notebook.  _Just a little while longer and I’ll have everything I need._

He let down the window and poured the contents of his cup onto the pavement.


	10. Chapter 10

**

Jane awakened gasping for air and out of abject fear. She sat up abruptly. Her heart hammered against her chest at an incredulous rate. She wiped the sweat from her stinging eyes and peered around the room, knowing that the familiar would serve as an anchor. The sudden feel of warm hands on her clammy skin was like a soothing balm. Jane’s eyes refocused as the touch brought her completely back to reality.

“I’m right here, Jane.”

They were the sweetest words ever. Jane took a deep breath and leaned into the touch. “I know,” she rasped.  Jane swallowed only to find her throat dry and scratchy.  “Water,” she whispered.

Jane watched groggily as Maura reached for the glass of water on her nightstand. It had become a staple over the past few days. Jane’s eyes closed in surrender as she reveled in the large comforting circles Maura was rubbing on her back. She gulped down the water and sighed.

“He’s not going to get to me.” Maura murmured, sounding decidedly lucid and awake.

“Yeah,” Jane muttered. No matter how many times she heard that in the last few days there was some part of her that wasn’t convinced.

“Do you regret telling me about this?”

_This_ was her fears concerning Hoyt. Jane had made her confession one morning a few days ago with Maura wrapped around her as the day went on around them. The nightmares started that same night. “No, you needed to know everything.”  _It’s time for you to see how fucked up I really am. She needs to know what she’s getting into._  Jane gave the glass back to Maura.  “I’ve been so scared for so l…ong…” her voice cracked. “…to even try to be happy.”

Maura drew Jane back down to the bed. Jane curled around her, using Maura’s chest as a pillow. Knowing hand sifted through her hair. It was like a security blanket had been thrown over her, reminding Jane of the present contradiction that she had never felt safer in Maura’s arms.

“If you were to look at it logically, denying yourself anything because of him solidifies his power over you.”

“I feel like god damned Harry Potter.”

“He won in the end.” Maura added.

Jane jerked her head up in surprise. “How do you know that?”

“With the help of his friends no less.”

“Maura, have you been slumming?”

“I dabble here and there in popular fiction.”  Maura answered.

“I’m shocked. What’s next you’re going to start listening to Katy Perry?”

Maura made a sound it was half amusement and half disgust. “Yet, the conversation diverted you sufficiently.”

_I fell right into that one._ “Huh, maybe a little.” Jane smiled in the semi-darkness.  “You’re amazing you know that?”

“I’m flattered that you think so highly of me.”

Jane could almost hear the smile in Maura’s voice.  After a few seconds of distraction, Jane sobered. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yes,” Maura answered.

“Are you afraid this is going to send me running?”

“Honestly Jane, I’m afraid that my breathing on you would send you into a mad dash.”  Maura answered softly. Still, somehow her tone was full of emotion. Despite the harshness of Maura’s words, she tightened the embrace. “There hasn’t been a time during all of this that I haven’t been afraid.”

Jane cringed. _Yeah,_ _I’m the coward here._ “I deserved that, but you need to know that I don’t have anywhere to run. The cat’s out of the bag.  I’m trying…to try.”

“Yes, you are, and it means the world to me.” Maura brushed Jane’s forehead with her lips. “Do you think that you can get back to sleep? You have a full day.”

Jane felt the images of Maura’s battered and bloody body dim and find their way back to her sub conscious. “Yeah, after I do this.” Jane tilted her head upward, searching. Their lips met softly communicating comfort and further cementing mutual affection. They clung to each other.  Jane threw her leg over Maura’s completely entangling them.

**

Jane rolled her eyes as her mother glanced at her for the twentieth time in past ten minutes. “Ma, if you don’t keep your eyes on the road—“

“Well, if you’d talk to me I wouldn’t have to keep glaring at you.”

Jane sighed. She had been doing that a lot lately. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Oh I doubt that. I just want to get an update on how things are going.”

“Things are going…you satisfied?”  Jane gave her mother a tight smile as they waited at a traffic light.

“No! That’s not satisfaction at all.”

“Well, I’m tired of talking about my emotions. I don’t think there’s one left that I haven’t talked about.”

Angela Rizzoli snorted sounding much like her daughter. “Last time I checked that wasn’t a bad thing, Janie.”

They glared at each other silently.

A horn blew.

Angela Rizzoli threw her hands up in the air. “Fine! You win this round.”  She paused for a few seconds as they continued their journey. “So you excited? You could be going back to work soon.”

“Maaa!” Jane drew it out in complete exasperation. _She’s like a god damned bull dog._

“Whaaat!! What’d I do?”

“You’re not going to give up are you?”

She shrugged. “Probably not. I’ll get something out of you one way or the other.”

Jane sighed…again. “Yes, I wasn’t at first because I’ll be at a desk, but it’ll be nice to see everyone again.”

“Now see! Was that so hard? Like pulling teeth.”

“Uh huh.”

Silence fell between them once more.  Jane peered out the window watching other cars zoom by as they got on the interstate. _Now I know what silence is golden means._

“Does Maura think you’re gonna get a clean bill of health? Has she been checking your wound?”

_That’s not too invasive I don’t think unless she’s up to something._ “Yes, she does and every night.”

As quiet surrounded them, Jane peered at her mother to see a smile forming. _Damn it! I knew it._ _Fell right into it._  “What? What are you smiling about?”

“What else does she do every night?”

Jane groaned. “She shits, showers, and shaves.”

“Janie!”

_Gotcha._ Jane let out a bark of laughter. “Two can play, ma.”

Angela Rizzoli’s smile widened. “Well…that was pretty good.”

“Learned from the best.”

“Aww, that’s sweet.”

“I was talking about Korsak.” Jane added.

“Don’t push it.”

Jane laughed outright.

Angela Rizzoli sighed.

“Thanks Ma. I needed that. I’m a little tired. Didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Her mother’s eyes widened.

“For Christ sakes not because of that!” _Although that would have been very nice._

“Let me guess. You guys stayed up playing checkers?”

“Maura prefers chess.”

“Chess then!”  Angela stressed irritably.

Jane knew somehow her mother was going to get it out of her. She was after all a master manipulator.  She refused to acknowledge that maybe just maybe she wanted to talk to someone else about it. “Been having dreams.”  Jane mumbled.

“What?”

“I’ve been having nightmares. There. You happy?!”

“Since we talked?” Her mother asked.

“No, since I told Maura what I told you.”

Angela Rizzoli practically squealed. “You did! I’m so proud of you!”

Jane was grateful that her mother was driving otherwise it would have meant hugs. She glared.

“Oh sorry. What about?”

Jane turned away, peering at the cars once more. “Hoyt does some really nasty things to her and makes me watch.”  She clamped down on the panic and terror that usually accompanied the images that flashed over her brain.

“Oh, baby.”

Jane nearly jumped out of her skin at her mother’s touch.

“Does Maura know about the dreams?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s getting even less sleep than me. I think she stays up watching me.” Jane answered.

“She loves you. What choice does she have?”

The breath caught in Jane’s chest as prickles of emotion she couldn’t identify raced over her skin. “W-what did you say?”  _Holy shit! Holy shit!_

“I said. She loves you.”

Jane swallowed and her stomach quivered. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation. Just odd.  “Of course she does. We’ve been friends forever. I know this other stuff is new—“

“Not like that and you know it. Why else would she go through all of this for you?”

Sucking in a deep breath, Jane tried to steady herself. It was totally useless.

“Pay attention the next time she looks at you.” Angela said.

“Uh, are you sure?”

“Yep, and not the Bob kind of love either.  Scared?”

“Terrified…I think.”  The truth was Jane couldn’t pinpoint what she was feeling.

“Gonna run?”

Jane actually smiled recalling a similar conversation not too long ago. “I don’t think so.”

“Good because I would hate to have to kill you. A mother shouldn’t outlive her children.”

“Ma!”

“No pressure.”  Angela Rizzoli merged to get to the exit. “Now, what are we gonna do about those dreams?”

“I guess they’ll go away eventually. I’m trying not to let them get to me.”

“How’re you doin so far?”

“Eh.”  Jane shrugged in an effort to minimalize and present a stronger front than what she was feeling.

“So, you gonna let him completely take over your life?” Her mother asked, apparently seeing through it all.

Jane peered at her mother through slits. “You been talking to Maura?”

“Not about anything big. Why?”

“Because that’s what she said.”

“Wise woman.” Angela Rizzoli muttered.

_Very true._ “I don’t want him to.”

“What?”

“Take over my life.” _Because she loves me._ Something with wings fluttered in Jane’s chest.

“I think that’s probably up to you.” Jane’s mother stated as the pulled into the hospital parking lot.

**

Maura silenced the bone saw and peered at the phone.  It suspiciously sounded like it as ringing. She waited a few seconds, but there was nothing. She wasn’t usually an anxious individual but where Jane was concerned she was that and a whole host of other things.

She started the saw again and nearly dropped it when the phone rang in reality.

“Hello? Dr. Isles.” Maura answered breathlessly.  She carefully placed the bone saw on the tray with her other instruments.

“Did you run?”

“No, I almost lost a hand. That’s all.”

“Seriously?” Jane asked.

“It probably would have been only a couple of fingers.”

“Maura!?”

“Yes?” She answered primly trying to hide the smile in her voice.

“You’re joking right?”

“Sure.”

“I think I’m rubbing off on you too much.”

Maura opened her mouth to speak but blood rushed to her face instead. Near pornographic images flashed through her head of Jane sweaty and grinding against her. “Um…”  _I must be exhausted._

“Where did you go just now?”  Jane asked knowingly.

Deciding to be blunt, Maura answered, “I’m sure you’re aware of where I went.”

Jane’s chuckle was decidedly dirty.

Maura paused suddenly horrified. “Is your mother with you?”

“Hell no! I’m back at your place.”

“How did your appointment go?”

“Don’t try to change the subject.”

“I don’t have a choice. I’m working. It’s best to have all my wits about me, and you---“

“Spread those wits like I would your legs?”

“Jane!”  Maura tried to ignore the sudden clenching between said legs.

“Fine. Clean bill of health. I can go back tomorrow if I want. It’s already cleared at the precinct.”

“Half days?”

“Just for a week. Then full time. If my next appointment checks out I will back in the field right before Christmas.”

“That’s outstanding news! Should we celebrate tonight?”

“Sure, if you have the energy.”

Maura felt her forehead crinkle in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“I know you’ve been staying up watching over me at night, Maura.”  Jane said softly.

“Yes, but I go back to sleep when you do.”  Maura stated as if it were a typical occurrence.

“Thank you.”  Jane whispered.

“You’re very welcome. Think nothing of it. I’m sure you’d do it for me as well.”

“I would in a heartbeat, but it’s way more than nothing. It’s…everything, Maura. No one’s ever—“

Maura’s heart thudded at the emotion she could hear in Jane’s voice. “I have, and I will.”

“Don’t stop. Okay?”

“Okay.”  Hope had become a very good friend to Maura. It had yet to let her down. Moving past the moment, she asked, “How will we celebrate?”

“Hell, I’d be fine with pizza and beer.”

“Did he say that you could have such things?“  Maura asked thoughtfully.

“Yess, he did as long as I don’t overdo it.”

“You pick the pizzeria, but Jane—“

“Yes, I know it has to have at least a ninety nine percent inspection rating.”

“I’ll invite Frost and Korsak.”  Maura offered, ignoring Jane’s comment.

“No, how about we go it alone? I’ll be seeing them every day soon enough.”

A delightful tingle shot up Maura’s spine. “If that’s what you want…”

“It is. So when are you going to be home?”

Home. The term stood out now more than ever. Maura realized it finally had meaning and it moved her in ways that few things ever could.  “As soon as I can,” she whispered huskily.

*

Maura felt as if the top of her head were on fire. She glanced up at Jane who peered at her thoughtfully over the top of her menu but brown eyes scurried away almost immediately.

 She was being studied. _Odd…very odd._

One moment, Jane would look deep into her eyes and the next she would snatch her gaze away as soon as she was caught. Maura was flummoxed.  She checked her appearance twice before leaving and knew that wasn’t the issue.  Jane did not appear skittish or terrified therefore that was not a plausible explanation either. Maura needed more data.

“Do you remember looking under a microscope in middle school and seeing an amoeba for the first time? Being excited but a bit apprehensive simultaneously?”

A dark brow rose. “Uh no. I thought it was cool as hell. What was there to be afraid of?”

“Humor me, Jane.”

“Okay, yeah I remember.”

“Imagine how the amoeba felt.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re the child with the microscope, Jane, and I am the amoeba.”

Jane peered at her silently for a few seconds. Then, she roared with laughter.

Maura blinked. She failed to see the hilarity in the situation. _Very odd indeed._

Still, chuckling lightly, Jane muttered. “I got it.  I’m weirding you out.”

“Was there a purpose to this… weirding out?” Maura enunciated slowly.

“Just to hear you repeat that. You know it’s not really a word right?”  Jane’s smile was wide and her eyes sparkled.

Maura tried but failed to stop the grin tugging at her own lips. “Yes, I’m aware. I think you enjoyed that a bit too much.”

“I’ve got to take it where I can get it.”

Maura opened her mouth to speak. _She’s baiting me and trying to distract from the issue._ Then, she decided against it, wagging her finger instead.

“Too obvious?”

“A bit.”

“So what was the question again?”  Jane asked sheepishly.

Maura waited patiently but had to admit that the expression on Jane’s face was adorable.  She found herself enamored with each feature: the slashing cheek bones, the irresistible dimples, full lips, and the obstinate chin characterized with a mark of its own. Maura couldn’t tear her eyes away. She never thought of herself as possessive but still the thought came. _This could be mine. She could be---_

“Yes, there was a purpose.” Jane’s thoughtful look was back again, but it was covered in softness.

The expression alone brought a smile to Maura’s face. “Which was?”

Jane’s returned smile was stunning. “I was looking for something.”

“In me?”

“Yes, sort of.”

“Did you find it?”

Jane reached across the table offering her palm. Maura accepted, loving the shiver Jane’s touch induced.

“Damn right I did.”

Forgetting to breathe, Maura felt a hot flush inch its way up her neck and face. There was something in the words…something in the look that utterly discombobulated her in the most pleasant of ways. The mystery behind it all only compounded things. _What is she doing to me?_ “Are you going to…tell me what it is?”

Jane shook her head. “No, I don’t think I need to. You’ll figure it out soon enough.”

 Their drinks arrived.

*

Jane reached for Maura’s hand as they ambled up the sidewalk toward home. She brought it to her mouth, kissing it in dashing fashion. She smiled winningly as Maura peered at her with soft eyes. _She loves me_.

Maura’s resulting flush made Jane chuckle. “I’m embarrassing you? There’s no one around.”

“No, I think that I’m just unprepared for this sudden change.”

“Change?” _She loves me._

“Yes, you seem less…skittish.”

_I can’t believe it either. I’m not running. I’m not freaked the fuck out. I just feel alive._ “I’m trying. I promised that I would.”

“Yes, you did.”

“You like?”

“Very much.” Maura answered.

“Good.”

Something had settled in Jane. The wild felt somewhat tamed, and the things kept at bay were able to roam. Jane waited as Maura unlocked the door just as she did many others, and gladly, she stepped through.

**

Robert attempted to clamp down on the rage that had been simmering all day. It was dangerously close to boiling over.  When he was like this, he couldn’t think. He couldn’t function, and those things were imperative. _She looked so happy without me._ _Is this wrong?_

The doorbell rang, startling him.

He wasn’t expecting any visitors. Robert peered down at his watch. It was well past 10 p.m.

It rang again.

_Maybe, its---_ He didn’t wait for the thought to finish before rushing to the door. He pulled it open vehemently and disappointment assailed him.

There stood a man a little taller and a little bigger than him. “I’m sorry. You must---

The man moved like lightning. Robert’s face was covered by a foul smelling cloth. The last thought he had before blackness was that he wasn’t so paranoid after all.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**

Maura leaned gracefully against the kitchen counter and sipped on the most delightful cup of coffee. She found long ago that it helped with monthly mild cramping that was more of a nuisance than pain. Maura pulled her robe tighter around her to ward off the chill that always seemed to settle in this area alone. She acknowledged ruefully that she should have gotten fully dressed instead of pulling on the brief material over even briefer underwear.

“Maura?”

“I’m in the kitchen!”

The door swished open and Jane entered carrying with her an air of confidence and swagger.  Suddenly, Maura understood the need for the slow motion scenes where the hero entered in those awful action movies Jane loved. Dark low riding slacks clung to Jane’s hips and tapered down incredibly long legs.

Maura swallowed and her heart fluttered in her chest. 

Her gaze moved upward to the unbuttoned matching blazer that swiveled when she walked giving Maura a brief glimpse of the simple shirt underneath and Jane’s gun holstered on her left hip.  In Jane’s case the words dangerous and beauty went together perfectly. Maura’s stomach twisted as sensual awareness glided over her skin.

Maura’s eyes trailed up to Jane’s features, tracing over the obstinate dimpled chin to full lips. A knowing smirk curved one side of Jane’s mouth upward.

Time sped up abruptly.

Embarrassed by her actions, Maura found religion in the swirling contents of her coffee cup. She cleared her throat and turned away. Needing something to do with her hands, she picked up the coffee pot intent on refilling her cup but found that her hand was shaking.  She gave up, placing both items back on the counter.

The feel of warmth at her back and the distinctive smell of Jane did not help matters at all.

“Like what you see?” 

Maura shivered but refused to turn around. “Coffee?” _I need time to gather at least one brain cell._

Jane chuckled and moved Maura’s hair over her shoulder.  “I said, do you like what you see?”  She asked again in a heated whisper directly into Maura’s ear.

Maura shuddered. There was no need for games. “I do.”  She answered breathlessly.

“I could tell.” As a reward, warm lips closed over Maura’s earlobe. Gasping, Maura tilted her head to the side and reached back tangling her hand in dark hair. Hot lips left a blazing trail down her neck. “If you look at me like that every morning, I won’t want to go to work.” Jane husked.

“Like…what?” Maura groaned as Jane’s hands searing even through the silky material of her robe inched their way up her torso. Her nipples tightened in anticipation.  Maura whimpered as fingers brushed over the stiff peaks sending an electric flash of pleasure directly between her legs.

“Why don’t you tell me?”  Jane answered the question with one of her own.

Each day the heat between them intensified. Each day she lived in a bubble filled with sensual awareness. It had become increasingly hard not to let go. Emboldened by the arousal coursing through her veins, Maura freed herself “I want you kissing me. Touching me.”

“Yeah?” Jane muttered thickly.

“Yess.” Maura hissed as Jane’s tongue flicked over her lips. Despite the strain to her neck, Maura turned further. Their mouths met hungrily, messily. Twin moans filled the kitchen.

Maura’s robe loosened and she cried out as Jane’s touch slithered over her belly and lower. A small light bulb began to blink in Maura’s mind. She caught Jane’s hand before it could venture further.

Jane tore her lips away and murmured through ragged breaths. “What’s a matter?”

“That’s not the best of ideas.”  Maura answered and even she could hear the disappointment in her voice.

“I can be late, Maura. Who’s going to care?”  Jane sulked.

“It’s not… that.”  Maura nearly moaned as Jane’s hands began to roam once more.

Seconds passed. Jane released her own groan of frustration and acknowledgement.  She was a detective after all. “Just let me…”  Jane convened her journey southward cupping Maura through the silk of her panties.

Maura’s stomach clenched violently. The wetness that she could already feel increased tremendously.

“Fuck, Maura. I can feel you…I can feel how wet you are.”

Maura’s answering moan was loud, needy. She nearly lost her mind completely as Jane squeezed exerting delicious pressure.  Her hips undulated forward, seeking.

As if burned, Jane snatched her hand away and placed it on the counter in front of them. The other one soon followed. “We need to stop. Goddammit, we need to…”

Maura felt the cool air where there had been heat before. Jane put some much needed space between their bodies. Even though it was what they needed, Maura was more enraptured by what she wanted. Reaching behind her, she forcefully renewed the contact.

Jane released a strangled moan as her hips collided with Maura’s shapely rear. “You’re trying to kill me,” Jane exclaimed hoarsely. “You’re trying to kill me, and I’m …gonna die.”  She continued to murmur as her arms wrapped around Maura once more.  “Maura, please…”

Whimpering, Maura fought valiantly in the war raging within her body. Finally, the more practical side won. She took in a deep breath, but there was only Jane.  Reaching deeper than she ever had before, Maura willed equilibrium to return. _What has gotten into me?_ Trying vehemently to catch her breath and decelerate her racing heart, Maura turned in hopes they could gather strength from each other.

Jane’s face was flushed, dark eyes glittered, and a sexy smirk graced swollen lips. “Jesus Christ dancing, Maura what’s gotten into you?”  Her tone was somehow amused, aroused and pained all at once.

Maura bit her lip and let her eyes skitter away. _Indeed. What has?_  “Hormones,” she whispered.

“Uh uh, none of that. I love that you want me.”  With her fingertips underneath Maura’s chin, Jane brought Maura’s gaze back to her own. “Now, what did you say?”

“Hormones,” Maura repeated. She peered into soft, brown eyes as her sanity continued its return.

A dark brow rose. “Me being a hot piece of ass has nothing to do with it?”

Maura released a surprised bark of laughter. “Jane!”

“And she’s laughing at me.” Jane’s smile was wide and toothy. She leaned forward until their forehead’s touched. “That was way better than coffee.”

Maura fingered the lapel of Jane’s jacket. “It was.” She agreed. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Uh huh.”  Jane wrapped her arms loosely around Maura.

“How do you know what to say to make me laugh…to make me…everything?”

Jane shrugged. “I just know you.”

Maura smiled at the resulting warmth that teemed through her body. _It’s very nice to be known so well._

“Good answer?”

“Yes.”

“Thought so. Look, we can have lunch if you promise not to attack me.”

Maura sighed. “I’ll do my best.” She quipped.

“Of that I’m sure.” Jane kissed her on the nose. “I better not tempt fate. I’ll catch you later.”

Maura watched Jane leave with the same swagger she entered with. _I don’t think I’ll get any work done today._

*

All was right with the world, Jane had the first good night’s sleep in days. Hoyt made an appearance, but Jane was able to take the reins. This time, he was the one dangling from a meat hook.  To round things out quite nicely,  the morning had been something straight from a lesbian school girl fantasy.  Jane was ready to take on anything even mounds of paper work.

Jane inhaled deeply as she walked into the precinct. It still smelled the same.  It was a strange combination of sweat, metal and pine cleaner. She waved and flashed a smile at familiar faces. Everything felt different not only because she was looking at it as a woman who almost died but because she was a woman who was loved. The world around Jane was brighter, more animated, and for once it felt incredible to be part of it. _Damn, I feel good._   Jane knew she needed to take a long hard look at her own feelings, but they were too new and too precious. She wanted to savor the freedom of it a little while longer.

Pulling open the door to the squad room, Jane was greeted by loud boisterous laughter. It sounded hauntingly familiar. She walked toward the sound and rolled her eyes.  Korsak had his head thrown back as he bellowed once more. Frost stood in front of him gesticulating wildly.

“What no cake or balloons?”

They both turned to look at her.

“Rizzoli!” Korsak yelled.

A hand clapped Jane on the back. She nodded in the passerby’s direction and added. “Hey Sam.” She turned back to her friends. “Yep, you were expecting one of Charlie’s Angels?”

“Oohh can you do that hair flip thing?” Frost chimed in.

“Sexist ass.” Jane answered.

Frost chuckled. “I missed you too, Rizzoli.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Well, don’t you look shiny as a new penny. Bet it’s gonna be tough not to be able to get that outfit all wrinkled and sweaty.” Korsak interjected.

“Yeah, but what can I do?” Jane asked.

“Live vicariously. I’ll let you smell me when I get back if we get a call.” Frost answered.

Jane glared at her partner. “Uh no. That’s okay I can already smell you.”

“Drakkor Noir.”

“Bless you.” Jane’s grinned.

Frost shrugged. “You should try some. Maura might like it.”

“I’m a woman you dick. Why would she want me to smell like a man?”

“Yeah, but you’re so…so—“

“Butch,” Korsak finished for him.

“Yeah that!” Frost added excitedly.

“Am not!”  Jane exclaimed.

“Are too!”

_Breathe. Think about who you’re dealing with here._  “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine.” She peered down at his crotch.

Jane’s smile was wide as Frost’s mouth fell open.

Korsak cackled like an old woman. “Damn, Kid she got you good!”

Frost grumbled. “Don’t you have DD-5’s to do?”

“Yep,” Jane winked at Korsak and walked away.  “It’s good to be back.” She whispered.

A couple of hours later, Jane’s eyes began to roll around in her head. She needed a distraction, a pleasant one. Without another thought, she picked up the phone.

“Morgue.”  The unidentified man’s tone was bored beyond words.

“Dr. Isles. Please.”

The sound on the other end muffled. “I think she’s—“

“Tell her it’s Jane.”

The line went dead.

Jane’s mouth dropped open. _That did not just happen._ Irked, she dialed once more.

The line was busy.

She hung up the phone and counted to three before dialing again.

There was no sound.

“I would prefer as would my ears that you not press any more buttons.”

“Maura?”

“Yes?”

Jane smiled and she knew if anyone looked her way they would describe it as goofily. “What are you doing?”

“Examining a ventricle.”

“Sounds sexy.”

“You’re bored.” Maura’s tone was amused and matter of fact.

Jane felt her forehead wrinkle. “How’d you know?”

“I know you as well.”

Even though it was nearly impossible, Jane’s smile widened even more at the warm gush of emotion tumbling through her. “Yes, you do.” _She is the only one who really does._ A little imp tapped Jane on the shoulder encouraging her to switch gears. “Still horny?”

“Jane.”

She chuckled at the admonishment in Maura’s tone. “It’s a legitimate question that deserves an answer.” Jane knew the sigh was coming and was not disappointed.

“Decidedly so.”

“Is that right? Quickie in your office? I bet you’re already in there.”   Jane asked. The imp jumped up and down with glee.




“Jane! No…never.”

“Never?”  Jane reflected.

“Not…today.”

Jane considered it a small triumph.  “Because of…”

“That would be correct.”

“I’m sure there are a million ways around that without it being—“

“Repugnant.” Maura finished for her.

“Not the word I would’ve used but yes.”

They fell silent, but the lecherous part of Jane’s brain was busy at work.

“Stop it.” Maura ordered accusingly.

“But, I’m not doing—“  Jane stated.

“You’re thinking about it.”

“You’re not?” 

“I didn’t say that.” Maura answered.

“Then you stop first.”

Maura groaned. “Jane.”

“Okay, change of subject.  Why haven’t we—“

“That isn’t a change in subject!”

“It depends on how you look at it. Now, why haven’t we---“  Jane demanded.

“Consummated?” Maura’s voice was laced with amusement.

“Ugh. Yes.”

“There were…barriers.”

“You mean my shit was getting in the way.” Jane translated.

“Exactly as well as your injury.”

“Is it still?”

“That’s a question only you can answer.”  Maura stated.

“If I answer it correctly, I can have you any time I want?” Jane lowered her voice to a husky burr.

She could almost hear the crackle of electricity that fired between them.  Jane’s stomach fluttered in acknowledgement.

 There was a harsh intake of breath. Maura immediately followed it with, “Jane, I--”

“Is that a yes?”

“With conviction.” Maura whispered.

“Mm, good to know. That’s incredible incentive.”  Jane licked her lips and for the first time in ten minutes peered around the room. She had completely forgotten she wasn’t alone. “I should probably change the subject now, you think?”

“That would be prudent.”

Jane snorted. “You love it, but you’re right.”

“I am occasionally.”

The surge happiness that infused Jane was nearly overwhelming.  She loved this banter, this interplay; this…everything.  “One more thing. Can I ask you something?”

“I suppose.”

“We’re dating, right?”

“I would definitely consider this a courtship, yes.”

“I’ve dated before. It’s never felt like this.”

“What does it feel like?”

“Like I ate a rainbow.”

Jane smiled at Maura’s laughter.

“It’s supposed to feel this way I imagine, if it’s the right person.”

“Ah, that makes perfect sense.” Jane’s insides melted.  “I’ll let you get back to your heart now.”

“I’ll see you at noon.”

Jane put the phone on its cradle and reveled in wonder as she lost a little bit more of her own heart.

A throat cleared, and Jane nearly jumped out of her skin as she swiveled in that direction.  She peered at Frost accusingly. “What?!”

He attempted to keep from smiling but didn’t succeed. “That was Maura on the phone.”  It wasn’t a question but a statement of fact.

Jane’s eyes narrowed.  “Don’t start.”

“No promises. I came over here to ask if you’ve seen Korsak.”

“No, I’ve had my face plastered to paper the past two hours. He’s your partner. Aren’t you supposed to keep track of him?”

Frost shrugged.  “He got a phone call and said he had to meet someone. I haven’t seen him since.”

“Probably that waitress he’s been seeing.”

Frost’s face screwed up in disgust. “Ew. That’s just…ew.”

**

Robert gasped as the ice cold water splashed his face and dribbled down his neck. Groggily and painfully he opened his eyes. Everything was hazy and gray.  He could barely make out the hulking figure standing in his vicinity and the two men further away where nowhere near discernible.

Robert groaned. His head pounded furiously. He raised a hand intent on rubbing his left temple. Panic ceased him as realization struck.  His arms as well as his legs were tied rather firmly to the chair that was now his throne. Robert struggled against the confinement.  The hulking figure moved closer. _Oh God, I’m in trouble here._  He tried to swallow the terror that clawed at his throat as the man came closer. “I-I’m sorry. There must be some kind of mistake.”

The man didn’t answer.

“Soften him up a bit, Mickey.” The voice was cold and dripping with authority.  Robert squinted looking for the owner.

Robert felt the wind from the punch as it careened toward him.  Pain radiated from the right side of his face. His mouth seemed to instantly fill with blood and teeth. “What the fuck?!” He cried spewing the contents of his mouth. “What the fu—“ 

A fist connected with his chin. Robert’s vision blurred.

 


	12. Chapter 12

The living area was dark, illuminated only by the constant glow of the television. Empty Chinese take-out containers littered the table. Full and content, Jane peered blearily at the television as she ran her fingers methodically through Maura’s hair. The soft exhalations and non- sensical murmurs told her all she needed to know--  Maura had received a well-deserved visit from The Sandman.  Jane didn’t mind at all serving as a pillow. Maura’s weight on top of her was anything but crushing. It was warm and sinfully comfortable.

Somehow they just fit.

Jane yawned and her eye lids grew increasingly heavy.  Maura’s sudden fidget caused them to snap open only a few seconds later.  “Shhhh,” she murmured and seeking to calm and comfort, Jane started a slow, haphazard caress beginning at Maura’s shoulders and ending at the small of her back. A quiet whimper was mitigating evidence that her touch had been appreciated.

It was the least Jane could do.

While Jane’s first two days of desk work had been filled with nothing but paper, Maura’s had been grueling with long hours and eager cops looking for answers to the bevy of cases that seemed to slam them out of nowhere. They never got the chance to follow up on their heated conversation. In fact, they had barely seen each other at all.

Still, through it all, Maura found time to call. She found time to make sure Jane had eaten. She found time to make sure Jane was okay being back at work.  Somehow…she found time to continue taking care of Jane.

With that selfless act and in such a short span of time, Maura took another piece of Jane’s heart.  She brushed her lips at the top of Maura’s head and gave it freely.  Affection blossomed in her chest.

It Jane could be a pillow and chase away possible nightmares. It was indeed the least she could do. “What did I do to deserve you?”  Jane whispered the question into the universe in hopes that an answer was somewhere in its vastness.

Long minutes passed. Drifting, Jane allowed her eyes to close once more. Right now, the couch was the best place in the world to be. It was the only place in the world to be.

*

Sometime later, Jane’s eyes opened once more. Familiar sounds and the increased heat of Maura’s body set off a subconscious alarm.  Jane blinked rapidly trying to get her bearings. Awareness of the world around her was facilitated by hips grinding into her own.

Jane gasped as sudden heat billowed through her.  Her back arched as knowing hands slid under her  T-shirt and inched with purpose up her torso. “Maura?”

There was no answer.

Hoping to catch her gaze and gain some understanding, Jane pushed the hair away from Maura’s face. Hazel eyes were closed and fluttering but her face was alive with a grimace of need.  _My God, I can guess what she’s dreaming about._

“Maura?” Jane said louder. She certainly didn’t want this to end, but Jane wanted to be damned sure Maura was a willing participant.

At the sound of her name, the tempo of Maura’s hips increased and fingertips grazed over already swollen nipples.  Hot breath fanned Jane’s neck as Maura’s breathing went ragged and a whimper escaped.

Jane groaned as her body caught fire. She grasped Maura’s undulating hips then palmed flexing globes of her buttocks, decreasing the cadence but firming the caress.

The only way to identify the sound that exited Maura’s lips was frustration. Obviously realizing that control of the situation had shifted, Maura awakened.  All movement ceased.

Their gazes met, and instantly hazel eyes cleared.

Maura sat up until she was straddling slim hips. Even with the unreliable flash of the television, Jane could see the flush covering Maura’s face. Full lips glistened and eyes glittered, communicating exactly what Jane wanted to see---need desperate in its urgency and unconditional in its vastness.

It shook Jane to her very core.

“You want…this?”  Jane still felt compelled to ask, speaking the words made it a bonafide reality.

Maura nodded.

Jane’s hands contracted over pliant flesh. Maura’s mouth opened as she gasped. Messy blond hair migrated, partially obscuring Maura’s face as her body pitched forward.  Maura hovered inches from her.

Jane could nearly smell the heat between them. A nod simply would not do. Jane leaned forward, teasing Maura with the swipe of her tongue over her bottom lip.

Maura moaned. It was the reward she was hoping for.

“Tell me.” Jane demanded.

Precious seconds ticked by. Their gazes smoldered and the air around them came to life.

“Yes…please.” Maura whispered and punctuated the last word with a hard grind.

A white hot blaze of arousal arced down Jane’s spine and ended in a warm gush between her legs. Their lips met in an inevitable crash of hunger.  Spearing her tongue deep, Jane was desperate to map and devour. The speed of Maura’s hips increased to a frantic pace and Jane swallowed the moans that fell from her lips unchecked. 

Jane wanted more.

She tore her lips away and with shaking hands pulled at Maura’s night gown until it found its rightful place…on the floor. Pausing for a second, she stared in wonder at full breasts and pert pink nipples.  Jane’s mouth watered, and without another moment’s hesitation, her mouth was full.

Each instance of suction reverberated between Jane’s legs. She moaned as Maura cried out. Jane went from one breast to the other before trying valiantly to take both nipples in simultaneously.

She succeeded, sucking them deep into the cavern of her mouth.

“God, Jane!”  Maura’s nails dug deep into Jane’s shoulders. It was a welcome pain and only made the pleasure cascading through her body more gratifying.

“Touch me,” Maura began to mutter over and over again.

Jane wanted nothing more than to slip her fingers and tongue through moist heat.  She slid a hand in between them moving it downward with one purpose alone. Jane cupped Maura through her panties.

The fire that met her there was staggering.

It beckoned and Jane was nowhere near strong enough to resist. Bypassing silk, her fingertips encountered something much softer and so much more wet than she ever thought possible. “Jesus!” Jane exclaimed as sanity fled and their mouths found each other once more in a kiss scorching in its intensity.

Jane explored swollen folds until her fingertips were sticky. Then, she went where she was wanted most. Maura’s clit seemed to throb and instantly knowing what was needed, Jane rubbed in tight circles making the throb a veritable heartbeat that even she could feel deep within. She clenched her own thighs, hoping the minute friction would ease the mounting ache.

Maura’s hips jerked uncontrollably.  She ripped her mouth away, moaning freely with each caress.  Her grip on Jane tightened as if she needed an anchor. She rode Jane shamelessly.

“Jane!”  Maura’s voice was full of wonder and wrapped in pleasure.  Maura began to tremble and the moans became sobs.

Jane watched in awe as the emotions chased their way across her face. It was the most incredible sight she had ever seen. Maura’s head was thrown back in abject pleasure. Her back arched like a tightly strung bow. Full, heavy breasts bounced deliciously with every movement and a fine sheen of sweat covered the expanse of skin. Jane wanted to hold on to this moment and this picture of Maura---naked, vulnerable and inevitably hers.

But, it wasn’t to be.

Maura fell apart.

A piercing scream echoed through the living room. Jane groaned in satisfaction even as her own need and arousal increased tenfold.  Even as Maura fell forward, Jane was unable to tear herself away. Her fingers glided through wetness, softly tracing and savoring.

The only sounds from Maura were ragged breaths and broken whimpers as her hips refused to still. Finally, Jane’s hand stopped and settled there, intrinsically knowing that it was hers and hers alone. Jane shivered as wet lips traced over her neck before trailing up to her jaw. Using her free hand, Jane brushed messy blonde hair from Maura’s face.

“Hey,” Jane muttered.

Maura blinked back at her. Her face glowed.

A few seconds went by but there was only silence.

“You’re…not speaking to me?” Jane asked in confusion.

Maura shook her head and smiled softly, but it was the love that shown freely in her eyes that further took Jane’s breath away. She nearly gasped as emotion slammed into her gut. Jane had no idea what her expression held, but she knew it wasn’t fear.

Maura reached up trailing fingertips over her cheeks and lips. Jane closed her eyes and whimpered. It was like drops of fire teasing her skin. Her arousal, simmering just under the surface, boiled over with just a simple touch. “Maura…”  Jane barely recognized her own voice.

The yearning in it was unmistakable.

Maura’s tongue flicked over her lips. Jane moaned and reared up in an attempt to catch it. Maura moved away quickly and forcefully pushed Jane back into the couch.

As if it were a reward for her capitulation, Maura captured Jane’s lips in a kiss carnal enough to make her toes curl. Maura’s tongue teased the roof of her mouth before retracting and doing the same to her bottom lip. As a result, Jane’s hips surged upward. “I can’t…don’t tease.” She pleaded.

Jane was totally ignored.

Maura’s hands snaked under Jane’s T-shirt, dragging it up inch by torturous inch. Jane lifted slightly easing the path. The garment reached her neck and wisped over her face.

Then, it stopped.

Jane opened her mouth to lodge a definite protest but the unexpected feel of fingertips twisting and pulling her nipples stopped it dead. Her back arched and Maura’s touch firmed. Jane pushed upward and in contradiction Maura pulled stretching the bit of skin until it slipped from her fingers.

“Shit!” Jane exclaimed as everything between her legs pulsed in response. She opened her mouth to tell Maura to do it again but all that resulted was a strangled moan as wet heat replaced fingertips.

Jane fought to rip the shirt from her body. She wanted to see what Maura was doing to her. She wanted…she just wanted. Finally free, she nearly wooped in triumph but watching Maura’s tongue slither out over her nipple took immediate precedence.  She wrapped her hands in Maura’s hair, anchoring her to her body as lips and tongue trailed downward over her stomach. Her muscles jumped and clenched uncontrollably.

Maura pulled brief shorts down just far enough to expose Jane’s hip. Jane cried out in surprised pleasure as Maura latched on to where bone met joint. The strong suction nearly made her crawl out of her skin. Sparks of pleasure ran rampantly down her spine. 

Jane’s body was beyond sensitized even the feel of Maura’s hair trailing over her flesh caused sensation to erupt and every synapse to fire.  Before she knew what happened, Jane’s shorts were gone.  She groaned at the knowledge and the fact that she was wetter than she had ever been in her life.

Jane lay before Maura splayed and unbelievably ready.

Nails raked down her thighs and soft hands pushed her legs as far apart as the space lent them. Jane’s hips undulated into the air as fingertips grazed over her sex, reminding her of what she wanted as if she could ever forget.

Jane’s eyes were heavy. Her breaths came in harsh pants and sweat seemed to cover her like it was part of her skin. Even though they wanted to close, Jane fought hard to keep her eyes open. She watched in fascination and anticipation as Maura kneeled between her legs.

Maura paused and stared intently as if studying, analyzing what lay before her.  Jane groaned.  To her, it was just another caress.

The longer Maura stared the wetter Jane became.

Hazel eyes peered upward unexpectedly. Jane became undone by what she saw. The hunger in Maura’s gaze was like another presence in the room. Moaning, Maura surged forward quickly burying her face in wetness.

“Fuck! Oh God!”  Jane cried.

Maura lapped at her as if truly ravenous.  With one hand, Jane clawed at the couch and with the other sealed Maura to her, begging her without words not to stop.

As Maura’s tongue slithered over her clit, Jane knew she wasn’t going to last, and when the muscle slid inside her, Jane won that bet. The crest of pleasure was overwhelming, racing over her skin, pooling between her legs and exploding with each helpless thrust of her hips.

Before orgasm even lost its grasp, Maura was on top of her whimpering and grinding against her upper leg.  Jane moaned helplessly as the hot skin of Maura’s thigh met her still sensitive sex. Their lips met in a collision of tongue and teeth. Jane’s hands slid inside Maura’s underwear to make contact with naked flesh. She kneaded Maura’s ass and urged her on harder, faster.

Jane swallowed Maura’s whimpers and added her own in return. Maura’s hips moved like pistons. She tore her mouth away. “J…ane.”  Maura whispered brokenly, feverishly.

Though she had spoken only a few words when this began, it was all that Jane needed. Blindsided by the flash of heat and pleasure, she moaned incoherently mingling it with Maura’s persistent cries. Orgasm slammed into her wrestling every ounce of feeling from her and tearing her apart.

Sometime later, they lay together bodies still entangled. They couldn’t stop touching. They couldn’t stop kissing. They couldn’t stop staring at each other in wonder.

Peace like she’d never known before settled over Jane. She savored the feeling. It was brand new.  Jane peered into Maura’s eyes, seeing deeper than ever before. It was plain as day. If she wanted, this woman with be with her always. _She wants me whether I’m an asshole or not._  

Jane reached out, fingering a stray strand of blonde hair. “Are you talking to me now?”

Maura grinned and tilted her head to the side as if thinking. “Possibly. What do you want me to say?”

“Anything.”

Maura bit her bottom lip and suddenly looked shy. “I-I think that I’m in love with you.”

For a split second, Jane forgot to breathe. _It’s different to hear it from her. But it means a hell of a lot more._ Then, she smiled so wide her cheeks hurt.

Relief flashed on Maura’s face. “That…that doesn’t scare you?”

Jane shook her head. She went silent for a moment, choosing her words.  “I’m almost where I need to be, Maura, and I know I need to be with you.”

Maura’s expression was the epitome of happiness. Green eyes were bright; her was face flushed; and her smile was radiant.  Instantly, Jane knew that for many other women her words would not have been enough, but Maura was different. Her understanding and her patience endeared her to Jane all the more.

**

Robert came to swimming in pain. Through one swollen eye, he peered around him. He had no idea if it was day or night. He had been in the dark since the beginning. They were in control of the light. It felt like weeks had passed, but he knew that couldn’t be true.

He attempted to take a deep breath but a groan resulted as his ribs protested. Still, it was enough to smell his own stench.  Robert licked dry, cracked lips, hoping they would bring him some water soon. It was all he was allowed anyway.

The sound of approaching footsteps caught his attention. The gentle tapping on concrete was like music to his ears. _Water._

Th _e_ footsteps entered the room. Robert squinted to see who it was but was blinded by the sudden fluorescent light that flooded his new domicile. As the man got closer, Robert realized he had never seen him before. He was a large man, older with thinning dark blonde hair. His face seemed set in stone, cruel and punishing.

“I think you’ve been softened up enough.”

Robert gasped recognizing the voice. He was the one who ordered the beatings in the first place. He whimpered more scared than he had ever been in his life. “Please, I don’t know what this is about. I didn’t—“

“What? Do anything? Bullshit. You were planning it.”

Robert was wrong. Cold terror crept over his skin. This moment was the most horrified he had ever been. His thoughts flashed to his mother, and he knew that was saying a lot.  “Who…who are you?”

The man chuckled. “Paddy…Paddy Doyle.”

The name meant absolutely nothing to Robert. “I don’t understand!”

“Maura Isles is my daughter.”

Everything clicked into place. _Oh shit._  Robert swallowed audibly. “You’re the one. You’ve been…watching me?” His voice almost sounded accusing. Almost.

“Uh huh.”

“Then you know. You have to know. I haven’t bothered her since…”  Robert trailed off and corrected himself. “I haven’t bothered her. I’ve been following Angela Rizzoli.”

“This I already know.”

Mustering up the bit of fight left in him, Robert cried, “Then why am I here?!”

Paddy Doyle chuckled again. It sent shivers down Robert’s spine.

“You hurt the Rizzoli’s. You hurt my little girl. They’re her family.”

“Oh God,” Robert whispered.  “I just wanted to make her see…to make Jane understand.” Robert visibly shriveled at Doyle’s glare.

Paddy’s stare was deadly and disbelieving.  . “I’m glad we understand each other.”

Tears stung Robert’s eyes.  “But I love her.  I just wanted to love her.”

Paddy snorted. “You’re one sick fuck.”

Feeling helpless and needing to lash out, Robert screamed. “Maura’s a whore. She’s fucking her now!”

The slap was hard enough to rattle his brain. Robert tried to hang on as his vision dimmed.

“Insult her again and I’ll cut your balls off and keep them in a little paper bag by my bed.”

“But it’s true,” Robert said weakly.

He flinched as Paddy’s hand reared back. “I mean that they’re together. They have to be she’s never looked so happy.”

Robert’s answer was a shrug.

Robert was so confused. None of this made sense.  “How?  I don’t understand.”  He whined.

Paddy’s smile was cryptic. “That’s all for now.” He walked away.

The tapping of his shoes on the concrete had become cacophonous.

“You-you can’t do this!”

The tapping stop and the light went out.  “I can do whatever the fuck I want. You…no longer have the privilege.”

**


	13. Chapter 13

“With the help of a magnifying glass, I found two small puncture wounds between the first and second toes on his left foot.” Maura told Frost and proceeded to show him the evidence.  She was aware of his eyes, watching and studying her as he pretended to do the same to the victim. _I’m beginning to think all detectives do this or maybe it is just the good ones._

“Addict? I’ve seen some track marks in some weird places.”

“No, I don’t believe so. His body is in excellent shape no degradation of tissue and his organs were almost pristine. There were very few irregularities.”

“Well damn.  Tox screen.”

“Tox screen.”  Maura smiled as they said it almost simultaneously.

Frost chuckled. “Great minds, huh doc?”

“Actually it’s just common practice.”

“Don’t ruin the moment, Maura. It was a beautiful thought just let me savor it.”

“Apologies,” Maura grinned as she pulled of latex gloves. She walked around the body of one Everett Smith to get to the sink. There.  She could feel his gaze burning through the back of her head.  Resigned Maura knew it needed to be addressed before it became uncomfortable.  “Is there a problem?”

Frost looked away hurriedly. “What do you mean?”

“The scrutiny, Barry, I feel like a rare bird being studied in its habitat.”

Frost began to fidget. “Oh that. I didn’t know it was that noticeable.”

“I currently live with a detective.”  Maura’s stomach fluttered at the thought. “Not to mention my job is to be observant as well.”

“Uhm, well…it’s just that you---“  Frost scratched the back of his head nervously.  “Uh, you look different. You’re glowing or something. I haven’t seen it before.  Did you guys really…” He paused as if thinking and choosing his words. “Proclivities?  I mean, we were all joking before, but--”

There was no way for Maura to hide or deny the blush that suffused her face. _Is it that obvious?  I’ve had sex before. I don’t recall any one ever noticing._  “I don’t know how to respond to that.”

“I think you just did.”

Maura lips twitched. She looked away. “I see.”

“I feel like a proud parent or something. I believe it was me who told you to go for it.  My little girl is all grown up!”  He whined dramatically.

Maura peered at him and blinked. “You’re very odd at times Barry Frost.”

“I get that a lot. Peas in a pod remember?”  Frost pointed at Maura then back to himself.

“Yes, I remember.”

Frost began to twitch once more.  He stared at her. Smirked and then looked away again. After the second time, he gained the courage to speak. “So…how—“

“No.”  Maura uttered before the question was finished. He was a male of the species, and even though he was a friend, he was still a male of the species.

“Oh come on Maura. I thought we were best girlfriends or something.”

“No.”  Maura continued. Succinct and precise.

“I can’t ask Jane.”  Frost shivered. “There’s no telling what she’d do.”  His head snapped around and he looked at Maura with wide eyes. “You’re not going to tell her are you?”

In a perfect parody of the woman she loved, Maura raised an eyebrow.

Barry Frost chuckled nervously and shook a finger in her direction. “That was scary. Like you’re channeling her or something.”

Maura continued to remain silent, knowing that this issue would settle itself.

He threw up his hands. “Okay, okay. Just …are you happy?”

Maura could not prevent the smile that spread over her face. “Tremendously.”   _How is it possible to feel like this?_

Frost cleared his throat and looked on in wonder. “Damn, I can see that.”  He shook his head. “That’s just…I’m happy for you both.”  He pointed at the doors. “I’d better go. Korsak should be in by now. I need to catch him up on things.”  Smiling, he turned to walk away.

“Barry?”

“Yeah?” He paused, looking over his shoulder.

“Can you dispense with the teasing?”

His expression was horrified.

Maura sighed. “Only in moderation then?”

Frost brought his thumb and index finger together. “Just a little, I promise.”

Alone with death, Maura’s thoughts went to her life as she walked over to the next stretcher and pulled the sheet back. The feelings she had for Jane had always been strong. In the last few weeks, they had become consuming and at times overwhelming, but it wasn’t until that moment last night when she was at her most vulnerable that Maura identified them. She had always been a teller of truth so there had been no hesitation and as a result, all her patience was rewarded.  She had been allowed deeper in the book of Jane.

It was the right thing to do.

It was the perfect moment to do it.

Maura’s stomach knotted. She gasped at the feeling. It was more powerful than it had ever been. Images swam in front of her eyes…sensual, naughty images.  Arousal was almost immediate. _It’s never been like this before._   Her hands closed around the metal bar on the bed in an attempt to steady herself.

_I know I need to be with you._

It wasn’t a confession of love, but Maura knew they had taken a giant leap forward. For once, she was positive that there would be no going back. _Now, if I could just concentrate._  Maura pulled the sheet back further intent on managing the ache throbbing between her legs and resisting the urge to pick up the phone.

**

Despite the ringing phones and the general noise of the hustle and bustle around her, Jane nibbled absently on the cap to her pen. Her desk was nearly littered with paper. Thankfully, the done pile was becoming higher than the to do pile. She had more pleasant things to think about anyway.  _I still can’t believe she said it._

Every time Jane thought about it, her heart filled near bursting. _I don’t feel weak. I don’t feel like the walls are closing in on me._   _I’m happy for once._ “Happy,”  Jane whispered the word into the air, tasting it and liking the way it rolled off her tongue.

Her own phone rang. Jane looked at it accusingly, hating the interruption.  “Rizzoli.”

“I feel as if I should warn you.”

Jane smiled lazily. “Do tell.” She muttered keeping her voice just above a whisper.

Maura paused and asked. “I’m not taking you away from anything am I?”

“Nah, just woolgathering, I suppose.”

“About?”

“You. What else is there?  I probably won’t get a thing done today. It’s your fault.” Jane teased.

“My fault?  I fail to see how—“

“It’s not every night I wake up with a beautiful woman grinding on top of me.”

Jane heard the sudden intake of breath and smiled.

“I see. Maybe I should better police my nighttime activities.” Maura teased in return.

“Oh hell no, anytime, Maura. Anytime.”

“Well, it should please you to know that I’m suffering from the same ailment. There are tests I should be running, and a brain I should be---”  Maura sounded decidedly flustered.

“You pleased me incredibly well.”  Jane interrupted. Her voice lowered to a rumble.

“Jane.”

“Last night and this morning.”

“Jane!” Maura’s tone was breathless and damn near a moan.

Jane paused and smiled, enjoying the heat rolling its way through her body. “I suppose you want me to behave?”

“Yes….and no.”

“Naughty girl, but I guess I will give you a bit of a break.”

“How gracious.”  Maura added.

“It is. So what were you trying to warn me about?”

“Barry was here, and he—“

As if it were ordained by the universe, Jane peered up as the door swished open. The person in question winked and smirked in her direction as he walked to his own desk.  Jane groaned understanding immediately. “Maura, you didn’t!” She whispered hotly.

“I would never!  He accused me of glowing.”

Amused despite the irritation, Jane agreed. “You are.”

“That isn’t something I can contain. Besides, it’s—“

“My fault, I know. I take full responsibility for the well fucked look.”  Jane grinned. “Go ahead. Let’s hear it.”

“Jane.”  Maura’s tone was part exasperation, part amusement, and part admonishment.

“Yes?”

“You haven’t...”

“I haven’t what?”  Jane asked.

“We haven’t completely consummated…this.”

“Oh yeah? What do you call it?”

“Unfinished.” Maura said hotly.

Awareness uncoiled like a snake in Jane’s belly. It bit her…hard. “That’ll be rectified soon enough.” Jane murmured huskily.

Silence stretched between them. It was nowhere near comfortable but pregnant with the most delectable type of tension.

Jane decided to break it with something just as sweet. “You meant what you said didn’t you?”  She asked softly.

“I’m in love with you.”  Maura whispered her answer.

A tingle shot down Jane’s spine, over her skin, and right into her chest.  “God, it didn’t feel like this when Robert said it.”

“I don’t think there’s a comparison to be made.”

“You’re right. There isn’t.”

“You also didn’t feel anything in return.”  Maura added.

“Right again.”

“What are you feeling now, Jane?”

Holding back was not an option. “So much, Maura.  I don’t know what to do with it.”

“Give it to me.”

Time stilled and for some reason the words set Jane’s body on inferno.  _Je_ sus _Christ the things she says_.

An unexpected slap on Jane’s back made her squeal. The phone went flying.  Jane regained the little composure she had quickly. “What the hell, man?!”

“S’up sis.”

Jane picked up the phone.  “You really have shitty timing, Frankie.”

“Uh huh.”  Frank Jr. leaned down and muttered in the vicinity of the phone. “Hey Maura.”

“How did you…oh never mind. Hold on a minute.”  Jane glared at her brother. “You still there?”

“Yes, and tell him I said hello.”

Hearing a tinge of disappointment in Maura’s voice, Jane addressed it. “We’ll definitely finish this conversation later one way or the other.  Okay?”

“I agree. I do need to return to work.”

Jane hung up the phone and renewed the glare at her brother. “This better be good.”

Frankie smirked. “You don’t scare me.”

“I have my ways. What do you want?”

“You and Maura coming over for dinner on Thursday?”

“That’s what you came here to ask me?!”  Jane’s tone was incredulous.

“Well…yeah. I was in the neighborhood.” Frankie’s eyes narrowed and he tilted his head to the side as he gazed at his sister.  “You look different.”

Jane froze. There was no way in hell she was going through this with her brother. “I’m fine. We’ll be there. I’ve got work to do. Bye.”  She shooed him away with a wave of her hand.

Frankie smiled.  “We?”

Needing something else to do, Jane reached for her coffee cup and took a big gulp of lukewarm goodness, which went up her nose.  Jane coughed and wheezed. The bright side of it was it gave her time to deflect.  She wiped at her watering eyes. “Yeah, that’s not unusual.”

“Riiight. So how’s the sleepover going?”

Jane coughed again. Helpfully, Frankie thumped her on the back. “Thanks.”

“Uh huh. So?”

Jane growled. “Do I ask you how your sleepovers go?”

It was the worst thing she could have said. _Damn it all to hell. The nosiness must have skipped me. Scratch that I’m a detective._

Frankie’s smile widened to gigantic proportions. “I knew I wasn’t seeing things.”

Deciding that against her brother the best defense was well…defense, Jane murmured, “Whatever. We’ll be there.”

“Lighten up, sis. A little teasing isn’t gonna kill you. Besides, it’s a good thing. You’ve seen Maura, right?’  Frankie’s eyebrows wriggled.

Jane tried vehemently to fight the smirk but lost. “Yeah, I have. Now get out of here.”

Alone again, Jane attempted to refocus and at least get a little done today.  The non-business end of the pen went back into her mouth. She picked up a stapled collection of papers and combed over them for errors. _I will not think about her. I will not think about how turned on I am. Smurfs. Scooby-Doo. Korsak naked. Korsak naked and running._

Jane paused in her thoughts. Someone had invaded her space. She glanced upward. A grin tugged at her lips as she saw who it was, considering where her mind just wandered. Korsak and Frost beamed down at her. Knowing what was about to transpire, Jane held up a hand to forestall any outburst. “Four words,” she stated. “Hand. Balls. Twisted and pain.”

Frost forehead wrinkled. “That was five.”

“Conjunctions don’t count.” Jane countered.

“Oooh, looks like Maura is sprucing up her vocabulary too.”  Korsak said with glee.

Jane peered at her old partner and bit the inside of her cheek as the image sat burned on her retinas. _Bad Jane. Bad. I think the inside of my brain needs to be washed out._ “You might want to lay off the meatball subs.”

All three of them looked down at his belly.

“Hey! What does that have to do with anything? We were talking about you.” Korsak cried.

“Not if you don’t want my foot in your ass.”

Frost rolled his eyes. “We’ve made our point. I promised Maura moderation anyway.”

Jane growled.

Frost laughed. “She’s not so scary after having seen her in lime green granny panties.”

Korsak’s mouth formed a perfect ‘o’.  “What?”

Barry nodded violently as they walked away, ignoring Jane’s groan.

**

Maura pointed at the exit wound as the detective leaned unnecessarily close.  “.22 rifle.”

The man whistled. “God damn who ever got’em meant to blow a hole in him the size of Texas.”

“Yes, well it perforated his large intestines, stomach, and liver.  There was massive internal bleeding.”  Maura pointed at said organs laid out with the damage obvious.

“Mmm, what is that you’re wearing? It smells good.”

“Viscous fluids.”

“Is that something new by Calvin Klein?”

Maura took a moment to make a decision. “Yes, it is.” _Jane would have been proud_.

“Would it be too forward to say you look damn fine even in that get up? I’ve been wanting to say that for a long time.”  The detective’s smile was lecherous and it seemed to go perfectly with his profusely sweating face.

“Yes…yes it would be.” Maura stepped away.

He seemed to think that was an invitation to come closer. His smile widened. “You belong to somebody, doc?”

Putting some distance between them once more, Maura did her best to harden her expression. There would be no room for interpretation. “Yes, I do.”  _Completely and utterly._

Apparently the look on her face and the steel in her voice were enough. He threw up his hands. “I gotcha. That’s what I get for taking my time. Better stay away from you there’s probably an ass whopping waiting for me around the corner.” He joked.

“That’s a distinct possibility. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’ll contact your partner with any new information, Detective Sinclair.”

His look of heart break didn’t bother her at all. Silently, Maura watched him walk away and out of her morgue. Maura’s skin began to crawl, and the need for a hot shower was nearly overwhelming.  Her mind wandered. _Or a dose of the appropriate kind of attention and adrenaline._   It was a meager excuse Maura knew, but she didn’t let it sway her.

As Maura ascended in the employee only elevator her desire to see Jane became all encompassing. She could have called. She could have asked Jane to come to her, but there had always been something about seeing Jane in her element that served to titillate.

With a ding, the elevator opened, and Maura walked the short distance to the squad room.  She weaved her way through the throng of desks, passing Detective Sinclair who looked away hurriedly. Maura stopped mid stride when she spotted Jane. Her head was thrown back in laughter as she continued the conversation with her partner.

It was the most glorious sight she had ever seen.

Maura forgot to breathe as awareness and arousal crept its way into her stomach and tied itself in invariable knots.  Her hand flew to her belly in hopes of controlling it.

It was fruitless.

Respiration returned raggedly. Maura’s heart thudded erratically with each heaving breath. _How can I want her more than I did before?_

Frost was the first to see her. Ending the conversation abruptly, he tilted his head toward Maura’s direction.  Jane turned.

Everyone else in the room disappeared or were burned to a crisp in the ensuing conflagration.

Maura had no idea what her expression held, but if it was a fraction of what she was feeling, Jane understood.  She rose from her chair and moved toward Maura with purposeful strides. Jane’s cheeks were flushed. Lips were wet as if she just licked them, and Jane’s eyes glittered, reflecting back Maura’s need with the same intensity.

Heat enveloped Maura as Jane drew closer.

Jane reached for her hand and Maura accepted the gift. Even that touch sizzled.  Maura didn’t ask where they were going. She was sure the ability to speak had abandoned her for the moment. As a result, she just followed.

_Ding!_

Maura entered the elevator once more. Missing Jane’s touch almost immediately as it slid from her grasp, she moved until her back was against the far wall needing something solid.  With the heel of her hand, Jane smashed he emergency stop button.

Maura swallowed and watched mesmerized as Jane moved toward her. With each step, Maura lost a little bit more of her mind as she in turn got lost completely in dark eyes. Still, she was able to see Jane’s chest heave and her drumming pulse beat in her neck. For some reason, this tightened the knot already in her stomach.

Maura whimpered as Jane invaded her personal space. No words passed between them as their forehead’s touched stretching the moment of anticipation to a near unbearable level of torture. They breathed the same air. Their bodies brushed one another.

Unable to take it anymore, Maura moaned. Winding her hand through thick, dark hair she yanked just hard enough to get Jane’s attention. Their mouths met hotly and greedily they drank from each other. Whimpers filled the space, but Maura had no idea where they originated.  She didn’t care.

Maura’s hand snaked under Jane’s jacket and nails clawed at her back.

Inch by glorious inch, Maura’s skirt was moved up her thighs.  She moaned loudly, desperately as Jane’s hands left a scorching trail.

“Shhhh,”  Jane whispered as the kiss ended and another began.

“I-I can’t.”  Maura murmured breathlessly as Jane’s tongue flicked over her lips and a hand cupped her between the legs applying delightful pressure. “W-what are you doing?” Her brain was misfiring on every level possible. It was the only explanation for the asinine question.

“Giving it to you.”

**

Robert’s head fell backward, jerking him awake from a not so pleasant dose. _I’m so tired._ His stomach growled angrily. “Please,” he murmured into the room.

The light came on, blinding him. Robert blinked rapidly trying to get accustomed to the illumination.

“Ready to talk now, kid?” Paddy asked.

Robert could hear the amusement in his voice. He licked painfully sore lips. “What…what are you talking about?”  His vision cleared enough for him to see the box Paddy held in his hands.

“I’m talking about this.”  Paddy turned the box over emptying the contents on the floor.  “Seems to me you were planning to do more than talk.”

Fear raced over Robert landing squarely in his gut. He knew at his feet lay rope, duct tape and various other unsavory things. “I-I wasn’t going to hurt her. I was just going to—“

“Kidnap her.” Paddy finished for him.

“Yes, but she wasn’t going to know it was me.”  Robert paused. “It was all going to be happy coincidence. I was going to save her, and take her to Jane.  I was going to be the hero. Then she would see.”

Paddy Doyle roared with laughter.  “That is the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard!”

Anger burned inside him. “No, it’s not,” Robert growled.

Paddy snorted. “Sure, kid.”

“Are you going to tell me how you knew about me?”  He asked through clenched teeth.

“All right. Give a little get a little I suppose. Let’s just say I have a friend on the force who kept my number for emergencies.  He thought it was very suspicious for you to just disappear.”

“Who?” Robert croaked.

“Jane’s ex- partner. Vince Korsak. He was very upset to know what you’ve been up to.”

“Oh God.”

“Uh huh. That about sums it up. So, now, there’s a decision to be made here.  You can disappear for real and trust me when I say no one will ever find you not even the pieces---“

“I have friends. Someone will be looking for me!”  Robert interrupted desperately.

Paddy laughed again. “Bullshit. Nobody cares a flying fuck about you. You don’t think I would know that? You quit your job and you live alone. Hell, your phone didn’t even ring.”

Robert whimpered.

“So, as I was saying before the interruption, there’s a decision to be made between making you leave permanently or you growing some balls and doing it on your own.”  Paddy chuckled.  “I wonder which one I’m going to make.”

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**

Jane sipped her coffee as she entered the interview room. The man sitting on the other side of the table smiled slightly and nodded in her direction. He was a thin man with a head full of thick white hair. His face was well lined but held astute pale blue eyes.

“Turner,” Jane said by way of greeting. _I hate shrinks, but he’s not too bad to put up with my ass._

“Rizzoli,” he added for good measure.

Without another word Jane sat down.

“So, Jane. Does it help you feel better about this assessment… using my last name sans title? I’m still going to be a psychologist no matter what you call me.”

Jane snorted. _Smart ass. Two can play that game._  “No, not using words like sans might.”

Dr. James Turner chuckled. “Ah, Rizzoli. It’s good to see you. I’ve missed that charm.”

Smirking, Jane took another sip of her coffee. “So, what’s up doc?”

“I’m sure you can guess. You’re going back to active duty soon after being shot. It’s procedure.”

Jane made a nervous sound in the back of her throat. “I didn’t think I’d be seeing you. It wasn’t on the job when it happened.” _Here we go again. Get it together Rizzoli._

“Still, it happened.  You have a colorful history.”

“Hoyt. His name is Hoyt.”

Dr. Turner’s lips turned up in the corners. “Taking ownership I see, but are we still running?”

Jane leaned back in the chair. It squeaked. She smiled as she placed the now empty coffee cup on the table. “Nope.”

“Really? The Rizzoli I knew kept everything not dealing with police work so bottled up…”

“I knew how to let off steam from time to time, doc. Isn’t that what you told me to do? Besides, that’s not me anymore.”

“Hmmm, really. Well, something has definitely changed I can see that.”  Dr. Turner cracked open his briefcase and leafed through a collection of folders until he found the one he wanted. “Let’s see. So, you were shot by a drug addict at an all-night convenience store.”

Jane nodded.

“No conspiracy theories to air about Hoyt sending someone after you?”

Jane looked heavenward and literally bit her tongue. _I wasn’t that fucked up._  “Last time I checked, Turner. There is a difference between theory and actual fact and evidence, but this was clean. Wrong place at the wrong time.”

“It’s okay to be upset by the things I say, Jane.”

“I’m not upset. I just totally disagree, but we’re not here to talk about that.”

“Quite right, we aren’t. Regardless, Hoyt will always be your….Pandora’s Box.”

Jane sighed. “Until he’s dead. Probably, but isn’t the point for me to learn how to deal with it?”

“Mmm,” Dr. Turner mumbled instead of providing an answer. “You were victimized again Jane.”

“I was shot as opposed to stabbed …yes.” Jane didn’t flinch or bat an eyelash.

“Nightmares?”

“They’re not an issue anymore. They’re just dreams now.” Jane answered.

“Yet, you did have them?”

“Yes.”

“Were you—“  Dr. Turner continued.

“It wasn’t me. He was going after someone I care about.”

Dr. Turner glanced up from the case file and looked at Jane in surprise. “Oh?”

“I took control of it. Now, he’s the one crying like a baby.”  Jane stated proudly.

Dr. Turner perked up even more. “Really?” He paused. “You’re being awfully demonstrative.”

Jane laughed. “You think? Damn it.” _What the hell?  I might as well lie down and spill all my secrets._

“The last time you were here I thought I was going to have to pull teeth and pluck your eyebrows.”

“Well that’s not very professional.”

“No, it isn’t but you have to admit you can be exasperating.” Dr. Turner added.

“I admit it.”

He leaned forward. “This is all very fascinating. Do you care to tell me what’s changed?”

Jane’s thoughts immediately went to Maura, and there was no force in the world that could stop the flush of feeling from creeping over her face.  _Dear God, I’m whipped. So, so whipped._

Dr. Turner blinked. “I see.”

Her amusement usurped her embarrassment. “Do you now?”  Jane asked.

“You’ve met someone.”

“Something like that.”

“Yes, it’s very difficult to compartmentalize those types of emotions.”

 _No shit Sherlock._ “Mmm,” Jane offered, hoping it had the sarcastic edge she wanted it to.

He grinned but sobered quickly.  “That must have been a harrowing experience for someone like you at the beginning.”

Jane opened her mouth to agree but shut it abruptly to take a second to think. “What does this have to do with my job, doc?”

“Everything if you want it to and nothing if you don’t.”

She let the statement linger for a moment as Jane tried to decipher it. Giving up, she cried, “What?!”

Dr. Turner chuckled. “Let me translate.  This can be great strength for you or you can allow it to be a great weakness. It’s your choice.”

“Yeah, thanks.”  Jane heard the words but decided it wasn’t time to go there.

He peered at Jane for several long minutes, and Jane stared right back. His gaze was unwavering. Finally, Dr. Turner’s eyes dropped back to his briefcase. He picked up a pen and started writing.

A frission of something inched its way down Jane’s spine. “What are you doing?”

“As soon as your doctor releases you medically, you can go back to work.”

Relief and happiness bubbled. “Shit, really?”

“You doubt my assessment?”

“Well, no but it wasn’t as long as the last one. Hell, it wasn’t even as long as one of our regular sessions.”

“There was no need for it to be. You’ve always stood out Jane. I remembered you.”

Floored by his admission, Jane asked, “Why?”

“Because you’re damaged but resilient plus there was so much potential.”

“Okaaay. So you’re saying---“

“I’m saying that you should be proud of yourself for starting to realize that potential as a human being that wants, feels and needs.” Dr. Turner refilled his briefcase and closed it with a snap.  He rose from his chair.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have some paperwork to file, and hopefully, we won’t see each other again anytime soon.”

Jane gave him a full smile.  “Thanks, Dr. Turner.”

“I like Turner better.” He winked and left the room.

_Well I’ll be damned. Thank you Dr. Isles._

*

When Jane got back to her desk, she picked up the phone and dialed a familiar extension.

“Dr. Isles.”  Maura answered the phone.

“Thank you.”

“Well, that’s usually the way I answer the phone, Jane.”

“I passed my psych eval.”

“That was today? You didn’t know did you?”

“Not at all. I was nervous as hell.” Jane answered.

“I’m sure, but why were you thanking me? I’m confused.”

“Because you helped me pass it.”

“I—“

“By just being you, Maura and helping me be me.”  Jane interrupted.

“Jane,” Maura murmured softly. “If everyone knew that under all that bravado, you are---“

“Don’t say it.”

“Fine, even if it’s just conceptualized, it’s still true.” Maura countered.

“I think it’s just a you and me thing.”

“That I believe makes it even better.”

“Could be. I can’t wait for tonight by the way.” Jane said.

“I’ve been to your parent’s house for dinner numerous times.”

“Not for months, Maura, and I know that’s my stupid fault. Still, it’s not every day I show up for dinner with a hot piece of---“

“You’re so charming. I really don’t know how I resisted this long.”  Maura deadpanned.

Jane chuckled. “Me either.”  Then, she nearly jumped when Korsak slammed what looked to be a DVD case on her desk. “I’ve got to go. Korsak has his panties all twisted about something.”

“Be nice.”

“What hair got up your ass?”




“You know, Todd the guy that’s been manning the security cameras for the past few years?”

Jane shrugged. “Yeah, the bald old guy loves jelly donuts.”

“Well, I’d say you’d better be glad he’s a decent guy. Why don’t you ask me what’s on that?”

Jane stared at it for several seconds before realization dawned.  Her eyes felt like they were going to pop out of her head. _Oh shit._ “Oh shit! I forgot about that!”  She exclaimed in a harsh whisper.

“Uh huh. I’d say.”

“Jesus Christ you didn’t watch that did you?”

“Hell no. I probably wouldn’t be able to look you in the face if I did that.” Korsak answered.

“Then how do you know what’s on it?!”

“Todd told me, and he sure as hell wasn’t able to look me in the face.”

“How do you know he didn’t make copies!?”  Jane continued to question in panic.

“He wouldn’t do that. He said that you looked a lot like his daughter. You know, the one who died two years ago from cancer. You signed the sympathy card and everything.”

Jane racked her brain. “Vaguely.

“Well, I guess you’d better be glad we meet for drinks just about every Wednesday night.”

Jane covered her face with her hands and pushed them through her hair. She was relieved and embarrassed yes but outraged no. It was a moment between her and Maura that she would never take back.

“What were you thinking?” Korsak asked softly.

“I-I wasn’t. She’s…we…this thing we have. It’s got my head spinning. All she has to do is look at me…”  Jane’s tone was pleading, resigned, and she knew she was revealing way too much.

“Been there. Just be more careful okay? She has a perfectly good office with locks on the doors and everything.”

The teasing made Jane relax. “Yeah, she does.”

“As for the video, you can keep it for your private collection for the lean times or destroy it. It’s up to you.”

Jane fingered the cover. “Maura would freak to know that somebody saw us.” _This is definitely one of those need to know things, and she so doesn’t need to know._

Korsak looked skyward. “Don’t know from what I heard, she was a pretty willing participant.”

Brown eyes narrowed. “What did he do? Give you a blow by blow?”

“Nah, it was more like a highlight reel especially after a few drinks.”  Korsak smirked.

“Dirty old men…the both of you. So much for me reminding him of his daughter.”

“Yeah, you just better be glad we’re not dirtier.”

Jane sat and contemplated as she peered at the DVD. _Oh yeah, she was very willing._ A tingle of arousal shot up her spine at the memories.  Jane wondered if Maura would be just as willing if she knew about the fantasy that just reared its head after years of dormancy. _Can today get any more interesting?_

**

Maura brushed her hand over her skirt for the millionth time in the past hour.  It was becoming a nervous tick.

The car came to a stop in front of the Rizzoli household, and Maura was again assailed by her new habit. With the help of the street lamps surrounding them, she could have sworn she saw lent.

After turning off the ignition, Jane grabbed her hand and stated. “You’re nervous.”

Maura swallowed. “Yes, I’m not sure why.”

Their fingers entangled. “You look amazing. No need to worry about that. You always do, but my favorite outfit is you naked and sweating.”  Jane teased.

“You’re biased.”

“Obviously you haven’t looked at yourself naked.”

“Not recently, no.”  Maura stated.

“I could help. Show you the spots I think stand out more.”

“Jane.” Maura paused. “You’re trying to divert me.” She added affectionately.

“Did it work?”

“Somewhat.”

“What about if I tell you a story?”  Jane asked.

“Like the bards in ancient times? Are you going to sing it?”  Maura asked with a slight smile.

“I’m sure that was sarcasm.”

“It was.” Maura said.

“A kiss then?”

“I don’t think we’re at the point where we can just kiss anymore. Need I remind you of this morning? We were both late.”

“You’re the one who said we needed to fully consummate things.  What about when we got home? I was able to only kiss you then.” Jane countered.

Maura licked suddenly dry lips and her stomach clenched. “That wasn’t just a kiss.”

“What was it?”

“You, making love to my mouth.”

“Mmm, I suppose you can look at it that way.” Jane husked sexily.  She reached out for Maura and looked affronted when her hand was smacked away. “What’s wrong with doing that then?  It didn’t go any further.”

Maura grinned at the pout she could hear in Jane’s voice. “Only because of prior obligations.” She answered.

“Ah, I see. So what should we do then to get your mind off things?”

“Well, there is something I’ve been meaning to discuss with you.”  _I hope she doesn’t take this the wrong way. My house is a home now because of her._

“Really? What’s that?”

“First a caveat, my house has never felt more like a home with you present. Second, are you aware that we’re practically living together?”

“Well yeah, but isn’t this an odd time to discuss this?”

“No, we’re alone and having a conversation about us. It seemed logical to broach the subject. I thought it was a proper segue.”

“That makes sense.”  Jane paused.  “Are you sure… I’m not wearing out my welcome?” She asked softly, peering at Maura through the semi-darkness.

The hesitancy and insecurity in Jane’s voice was palpable.  “You can’t. I don’t think it would be possible, but I’m sure eventually you’ll need some space. I just want you to know that you’re welcome back at any time.”

“What if I don’t want to go… anytime soon?  I have enough of my stuff to be comfortable thanks to you and Ma.”

Relief and pure bliss settled in her somewhere deep. “Then don’t. I’d miss you terribly.”   Maura muttered breathlessly.




Jane wound a piece of dark blonde hair around her finger. “I’m always welcome?”

Something shifted between them.

“Yes.”  Maura shivered.

Leaning closer, Jane asked in a low rumble. “In your home?”  

The increased proximity and the tone of Jane’s voice was just enough to heat the space between them to unbearable levels in a matter of seconds.  Maura’s stomach twisted hard enough to make her breath catch. She peered down at Jane’s lips, remembering the taste, the texture, and the way they drew pleasure from her like an endless font.  “Yes,” she whispered. _How does she do this to me?_

“In your bed?”  Jane smoothed her thumb over Maura’s mouth as if pulling from the same memories.

Lulled by Jane’s heat, scent and definitely by her own need, Maura swayed toward Jane.  “Yes.”

Their lips met softly at first, but after a few seconds the hunger took over. Maura whimpered as Jane’s tongue slid over her own.  She opened wide in order to take and be taken.

The loud knock on the window caught them completely by surprise, causing them to separate and be breathless for a different reason entirely.

“Get a room!”  Frank Jr. yelled before dissolving in laughter.

“God dammit Frankie!”  Jane screamed.

Maura brought a hand to her chest, hoping to ease the onset of tachycardia.

Jane rolled down the window and attempted to grab her brother by the ears. “I told you that you had the worst fucking timing ever!”

He continued to laugh while evading her. “You shoulda seen the look on your face.”

“Just because you’re not getting any doesn’t mean you can bother me because I am!” Jane growled.

“Right here in a car in front of our parent’s house?! That’s some bold shit!”   Frankie added.  His laughter became chuckles. “Look, Ma sent me out here to get you. I was just doing what I was told.”

‘Yeah, yeah. Next time give us some warning before you give me a heart attack.”

“Uh huh.”  Frankie waved in Maura’s direction. “Evening Maura.”

With her heartbeat under control and respiration almost normal, Maura offered him a tight smile. “Frankie.” _They become teenagers every time they’re together. I suppose it’s typical. Still…_

“Oh, see even she’s pissed at you but she’s too polite to yell at you.” Jane said with glee.

“He does seem to be in need of a lesson in etiquette.”  Maura added. “I can suggest some books if you like?”

Jane snorted.

Maura caught Frankie’s gaze and held it, hoping he understood the veiled reproach.  He scratched the back of his neck and looked away. _Mission accomplished as they say even if only for the moment._

“Uh yeah, are you coming in?”  He asked.

“We’ll be there in a minute.” Jane answered.

They watched Frankie walk away.

Jane turned to Maura. “I guess you told him. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him nervous.”

“It seemed appropriate.”

“So are _you_ still nervous?”

Maura took stock of herself and emotions. “I don’t believe so.”

Jane’s expression was smug. “I’m sure it was my kisses that did it.”

Maura made a noncommittal sound, causing Jane to chuckle in return.

“Okay, how about this?  You happy?”

The slow smile that inched its way over Maura’s face was her immediate response.  “Are you?”

Jane’s answering smile was luminous in its dimpled glory. “You have to ask?”

“I have to know.” Maura countered.

“Yeah, I think…I know I am.”  Jane’s smile tuned down to a smirk. “And a little turned on.”

“We’ll have to rectify the other later. As for the first thing, it’s extremely good to hear.” Maura leaned in, brushing Jane’s lips with her own.

Jane’s breath hitched but before she could latch on and decimate both their senses Maura was standing outside the vehicle.

“Tease!” 

Maura heard as Jane exited the car and trailed behind her.

*

A sense of belonging settled over Maura like never before. She brought her fork to her mouth and nibbled on the delicious homemade gnocchi.  While at the same time, Maura watched the amusing interplay between the people she knew as family. Taking a second, she peered underneath the table at Joe Friday who wagged her tale in acknowledgement. She had been extremely happy to see them, but now she sat at Jane’s feet silent and content.

“I’m telling you, dad. There is no way that plumbing is more exciting than police work.” Frank Jr. chimed in.

“I hate to do it, but I actually agree. There’s just no way you can compare the two.”  Jane added her comment to the fray.

Frank Sr. wiped his mouth with his napkin. “If you look at it philosophic like, you two deal with the sludge of humanity and I deal with the sludge’s sludge.”  He smiled satisfied with himself.

Maura bit her lip to keep from smiling as brother and sister glanced at each other, bonding over a common cause.

“And that somehow makes it exciting?” Jane asked with a raised eyebrow.

“You understood what he just said?” Frank Jr. asked.

“This doesn’t seem like appropriate dinner conversation to me. Toilets and sludge? Why can’t we for once have a nice dinner with no arguing, huh?” Angela Rizzoli asked, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “It’s all I ask.”

“Aw cool, it Ma. We’re not fighting. It’s just a discussion…a debate, and I didn’t say anything about toilets. Where’s your head?”  Frankie asked.

“In the toilet.”  Jane answered.

Brother and sister high fived before roaring with laughter at the juvenile banter.

Maura resisted the urge to roll her eyes because well…she just didn’t do that.

Angela Rizzoli shook her head. “Look at what I raised. Two year olds! You see that, Frank?”

Frank Sr. rolled his eyes. He had no such compunction. “Yeah, yeah pass the rolls.” When they appeared before him he broke off a piece and raked it through the sauce left on his plate.  “Let’s just ask Maura. She’s a doctor. They know everything.”

“Leave Maura alone she’s a guest,” Frank Jr. cried.

“No she’s not. She’s family.” Angela countered.  “Why don’t you settle this… debate for us, honey?”

Maura felt the burn of four sets of eyes. Jane’s eyes held amusement and the others stared at her as if they were waiting for the meaning of life.  “I see dead people. I—“

The dining area erupted in laughter.

 _Have little knowledge of plumbing._ Maura finished in her head. _Did I just make a joke of some kind?_

Frank Sr. threw his arm over her shoulder.  “Oh God,” he wheezed. “You fit here just perfect.  I loved that movie.”

She peered at Jane in confusion to see her face still flushed with hilarity.  “The Sixth Sense, Maura. The movie with that little boy who saw dead people?”

Realization dawned.  It all gelled together in Maura’s head. _I did make a joke._   Maura smiled.

Jane stood up.  “I’ll go open another bottle of wine.”  As she made her way around the table. Jane stopped at Maura seat and bent to whisper in her ear. “Don’t ever change. You’re perfect.”

The hard flush that suffused Maura’s face couldn’t be missed. She peered up at Jane, hoping the influx of emotion was evident in her eyes. They were full of gratitude and love. For most of her life, Maura had been on the outside looking in, but Jane always had the strange ability to make her feel like she belonged and delightfully normal.

Jane smiled knowingly and disappeared behind the swishing door.

“I knew you two belonged together. I’m not sorry I meddled at all.”

 _Neither am I._   Maura thought.

“Here. Here,” Frank Sr. added. He brought his glass to his lips and drained the remaining contents.

*

Jane bumped Maura with her hip as she handed her a plate to put in the dishwasher. “There was nothing to be nervous about was there?”

“Not in reality no. I love you family they’re so warm and inviting.”

“They’re you’re family to you know.”

“I realize that, and I’m thankful for it.”  Maura said.

“Mmm,” Jane wiped her hands on a towel and pulled Maura into a hug.

They both glanced at the door.

“You waiting for him like I am?”  Jane asked.

“Well …yes but we haven’t done anything as of yet.”

“Yes…yet.”

Maura kissed Jane’s chin ghosting her tongue over the indentation. “Let’s not tempt fate.” She stepped out of the circle of her arms and went back to the dishes.

“Well, what the hell was that then?”

“A show of affection.”

“Really?” Jane said cryptically.

Maura picked up a handful of silverware. “Yes.”

“Well speaking of affection, I’ve had this fantasy for years and I thought you’d be the perfect one to help me realize it.”

“How so?”  Maura was intrigued.

“By letting me fuck you in my bedroom.”  Jane answered.

The silverware clattered to the floor. “Pardon?”  Maura’s tone went up slightly as she bent to pick up the mess. She didn’t dare turn around that would indeed be tempting fate.

“Oh, you heard me.”

“Your family is in the living room.”  Maura whispered as if they could hear.

“Yes, and? That’ll make it even hotter.”

Maura felt Jane’s heat encroach before she felt her actual touch. Hands snaked around her from behind.

“Jane! I would never…”

“Remember the elevator Maura? How hot it was.”  Jane whispered directly in her ear.

Maura swallowed and tried to ignore the flutter in her stomach.

“How fucking wet you were?”

 _Oh god._ “Jane.” Maura whispered desperately. A veritable faucet began to run between her legs.

“How wet are you right now just thinking about it?”

Maura whimpered.

“I could slide inside so easily, Maura. So deep.”  Jane’s breathing was hot, heavy.

Maura’s breathing went ragged and her nipples hardened. Jane’s hands moved sensually over her torso.  Her touch was electric even through the material of Maura’s blouse.

“Remember how much you loved me inside you? You were the one who made us late. You couldn’t stop… coming.” Jane’s voice was low, pained and needy.

Moaning at the memories and the imagery, Maura’s back arched as if reaching for remembered pleasure. She nearly cried out when Jane’s hands cupped her breasts, squeezing roughly.

“Tell me you don’t want me to fuck you right now.”  Jane whispered as she bit into Maura’s neck and plucked a nipple.

“God!”  Maura cried, reaching back to pull Jane closer and beg for more.  She was on fire, burning from the inside out.  Her stomach clenched and twisted with each harsh breath.

“It won’t be gentle, Maura.”

The sound of laughter drawing close broke them apart hurriedly.  Maura clung to the sink trying to steady herself.

The kitchen door opened.

Their eyes caught for a brief second. It was a mistake to do so. The raw need in Jane’s eyes stripped Maura of remaining reason.

“I just came to get a beer. I wasn’t trying…” Frankie stated hesitantly.

Without a word, Jane left the kitchen.

“Maura, I’m sorry. I was—“

“I-I better go make sure she’s all right.”  Moving as quickly as she could, Maura entered the hallway.

She stopped at the last door on the left, Jane’s door, intending to knock.  Maura gasped in surprise when the door whipped open and she was pulled inside abruptly.

Her back thudded against the door as Jane pressed her against the wood.  Their mouths met ravenously, violently with no pretense. Tongues battled and teeth nipped.

Jane had been correct there was no gentleness involved.

Jane pulled up Maura’s skirt roughly. Then, with a loud rip, Maura was blissfully divested of underwear. She moaned freely as air rushed against sensitive flesh.

Suddenly, Jane’s hands were on her, squeezing and kneading her buttocks. The pleasure of her touch so intense Maura couldn’t breathe; couldn’t think; couldn’t tear herself away. Her hips gyrated greedily seeking whatever friction she could glean.

Never had she felt so out of control.  Maura embraced the feeling.

Jane ripped her lips away. “Tell me…what you want.”

Maura whimpered in frustration and need.  She wrapped her hands in Jane’s hair and tried to bring her lips back to where they were wanted.

“Tell me,” Jane demanded, hotly.

Their bodies were flush against each other, but somehow Jane found an opening.

Maura sobbed as Jane’s fingers slid through what she knew to be unbelievable wetness.  Fingertips teased her opening and skittered away to torture her swollen clit.

It wasn’t enough. Maura knew what she wanted. With one hand clawing at Jane’s scalp and the other digging into her back, Maura gave in. “Fuck… me,” she whispered brokenly.

Jane’s answering groan was loud and breathless.

Maura bit down hard on Jane’s shoulder to keep the scream contained as fingers glided inside, deeper than she thought was possible.

Wrapping her leg around Jane, Maura prepared herself for the ride.

She wasn’t disappointed.

The pounding was immediate.

With each thrust, Jane grunted. With each thrust, Maura’s pleasure seemed to intensify. Sounds that she didn’t think were humanly possible exited her throat. She let them come shamelessly.

“Fuck!”  Jane cried. She widened her stance which allowed her to graze places that left Maura reeling.

Maura could feel the orgasm building, clawing at her insides and working its way out in glorious fashion. Her sex clenched at Jane’s fingers, ringing every ounce of pleasure it could from them. Leaning heavily into Jane, she exploded into oblivion, crying out Jane’s name as she floated into the stratosphere.

From somewhere far away, Maura could hear Jane’s moans of surprised satisfaction.

Long minutes, equilibrium returned. Maura moaned as Jane retracted. Her sex clenched at the empty air.

“Mmm, want to go again?”  Jane asked as her nails raked down Maura’s thighs.

Maura shuddered at the thought but reason returned. “Tempting fate, remember?”  However, it was still difficult to resist. At this moment, Jane was at her sexiest with hooded eyes, deep raspy voice, flushed face, and wet swollen lips

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”  Their lips brushed. “Don’t want to be gone too long. Frankie will probably sniff us out.”  Jane paused. “Speaking of which, I love the way we smell.”

“Jane!” Maura exclaimed as tingles flashed down her back and into her groin.

“All right, all right. Just one more thing?”

Maura sighed. “’Yes?”

“I told you that you would say it sooner or later.”

Knowing immediately what was being referred to, blood thundered to Maura’s face.

Jane fingers trailed down her cheeks. “Nothing to be ashamed of. I really, **really**  liked it.”

The corners of Maura’s mouth turned up on a soft smile. “I could tell.”  She kissed Jane’s fingertips, smelling herself. Maura flicked out her tongue to taste.

Jane sucked in a breath. “Yeah, we’d better get out of here…yeah.” She nodded vehemently.

They entered the living area and conversation stopped abruptly. 

“Janie, are you all right? Frankie said you were upset.” Angela Rizzoli asked.

“I’m fine, Ma. Maura fixed everything.”

Maura stole a glance at Frank Jr. and ignored the knowing glint in his eyes.  She held back a sigh.

**

Robert’s cramped muscles spasmed painfully, protesting the lack of circulation and immobility. He swam in and out of consciousness. In addition to the blinding light, he heard familiar voices waft toward him. He could just barely make out the conversation through the horrendous pounding in his head, and he wondered if it had basis in reality.

Reality had not been his friend as of late.

“What do you think, Vince?”

“Think? I’m thinking nothing. My involvement ends here. I don’t need to know what you decide, and we don’t have to see or talk to each other again.”  Korsak answered.

Paddy chuckled. “Until the next time. That kid of mine has a knack for trouble.”

Korsak chuckled in agreement. “Must run in the family.”  He paused. “Just to let you know, she’s extremely happy and well taken care of by the Rizzoli’s and her guardian angels.”

“I’m counting on you, Vince. Call me if you need me. She’s my little girl. You should know by now that I’ll do anything to protect her.”

“I care about her too, so trust me, you have my word. It would kill Jane if anything happened to her or any member of her family.” Korsak stated.

Robert groaned. “Korsak.”

Silence surrounded him.

A few seconds later, the silence was broken. “Did he just call my name?”

“Think so. This should be interesting.” Paddy answered.

Robert could feel them hovering over him.

“You got something to say, kid?” Paddy asked.

“I’m sorry,” Robert rasped.  He sucked in a wheezing breath.

Paddy’s features swam into view. They moved fluidly all over his face.  Robert wanted to laugh. It reminded him of the funhouse mirrors.

“Sorry for what?”  Patty demanded.

“That…that you got in the way.”  Robert blinked rapidly. His eyes panned the room, and he could swear that Jane stood in the corner staring at him, waiting for him.  “Its sh…should be me…and her.  Sh..she doesn’t need any of…you.”

The smack was unexpected but Robert barely registered the pain.

“Ah, so he finally shows his true colors even though he knows what he could be facing. That’s a dangerous man in my opinion.”

“I might be inclined to agree. Take care, Paddy.” Korsak added

Robert’s head rolled back and everything went black.

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**

Jane crouched under the yellow police tape. Astute experienced eyes took in the havoc of the scene around her. Trash cans were littered liberally throughout the area and spilled onto the pavement while two dumpsters sat confusingly empty. The smell of blood, trash and a million other foul things made her nose tingle. She sucked in a deep breath. Even though there was death all around her, life suffused Jane. A tiny smile broke through before the grim sight of congealed blood commanded her game face to appear. The unfortunate victim was a young woman belly down, naked, with jagged tears littering her back.

“Damn. Gives a whole new meaning to being stabbed in the back.” Each word Frost spoke into the chilly air was punctuated by a white cloud.

Jane grunted before adding, “I’ll say.”  Careful not to disturb the gelled red puddle, Jane squatted and peered into the woman’s lifeless face. She was beautiful even in death. Deep blue eyes stared back at her unseeingly. “Fucking shame.” _My first day back. I promise you, whoever you are, I’ll find out who did this._

Frost nudged Jane. “Dr. Isles is here.”

Smiling despite the moroseness around her, Jane muttered. “So she is.”  Jane fell silent as Maura exited the county vehicle and watched appreciatively as Maura walked toward them, memorizing every sway. Butterflies tumbled in Jane’s stomach. _I don’t think this will ever get old._

The smile that Maura threw her way was at least a gigawatt in its brightness.  Jane was sucked into it, but she had learned a while ago that Maura can’t be resisted.  Jane peered out the corner of her eye to see Frost caught in the web as well.  She half expected to see stars glinting off his teeth.

“Jane,” Maura nodded. “Detective Frost.”

Jane covered a chuckle with the clearing of her throat. Barry Frost was adorable when he pouted.

While snapping on latex gloves, Maura stated the obvious. “We have a stabbing. It’s a rather brutal one from the looks of it.”

“Yeah. CSU found plenty but it may have nothing to do with her. It’s a damned alley no telling how many people have pissed, spit, shit and co—“ 

“Jane!”  Maura interrupted. “I think we get the point.”    




Jane smiled sheepishly.

Frost let a bark of laughter escape.

“What I was trying to say is it’s up to you, and probably a few fibers and some bloody footprints.” Jane corrected with a sigh.

“It’s good to have her back isn’t it?” Frost asked.

“Yes, thanks to fast healing and the Rizzoli charm…” Maura added.

“Speaking of charm, exactly what did she say to the doctor to let her come back to full duty a week early?” Frost continued to inquire.

“Blow job.”  Jane deadpanned.  “Maura was there. She tweaked his nipples.” Despite her irritation, Jane knew her comments were priceless. Inside, she preened with satisfaction.  _Score one for me and zero for Frost._

“Oh! Eww, eww is there any way to wash my ears out? Don’t even play with me like that!” The look on Frost’s face was priceless. It was somewhere between disgust and wretchedness.

“Jane.”  Maura stated as if she were correcting a child.

Jane fought hard not to smile. “Can we get back to this poor girl now? It’s his fault for being so nosey.”

“Barry, she was tired of sitting at her desk and demanded the doctor see her. Needless to say she got her way.”

“Thank you, Maura. I always liked you better.” Frost said while smiling at Maura in conspiratory fashion.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!”  Jane exclaimed in exasperation. This was her family, but at the moment there was something more important than her own health.

Frost threw his hands up. “Okay, sorry we have a murder to investigate.” He paused. “I know it’s not the time for personal stuff. It’s just…really good to have you back. This just feels right…you know?”  Not waiting for an answer Frost walked to the other side of the crime scene.

Jane blinked. She was moved by the display of abbreviated emotion.   _He’s right. We do fit._   Maura peered at her. “I know, Maura. I know. I’ll take care of it.”

Without another word, Maura bent to examine the body.  “At first glance, she’s approximately 18 to 22 years of age. Full rigor hasn’t set in, but with the frigid temperatures time of death would too much of a guess at this point.”

“Hooker?” Frost asked.

Maura skimmed the body and examined the feet carefully. “Not of the common street variety. She took extremely good care of herself…worked out, and there are no calluses or foot abnormalities of any kind.”

“So we have a young woman who obviously took pride in her physical appearance. Sexual assault?”

“I’ll take some preliminary swabs and do a closer inspection in the morgue.”  Maura turned the body slowly and continued her inspection. “There is some bruising on the labia…”

Jane shook her head as the habitual anger and passion settled in the pit of her belly. It was part of what drove her along with enough tenacity to rival a pit bull.  It was good to be back, indeed.

*

Jane cupped her hands together and blew into them seeking warmth.  She continued her brisk walk toward the buildings at the end of the block. For the twentieth time in two minutes, Frost turned and glanced at her. Knowing that she needed to keep her promise to Maura as well as iron things out with her partner, Jane sighed inwardly. _Time for a sensitive chat._   “You’re one of the best partners I’ve ever had. I’m just trying to get my head back in the game. I’m still trying to figure out the logistics of everything.”

“You mean you and Maura.” Frost added. It was a statement not a question.

Jane nodded.

“And us **knowing** about you and Maura.”

Jane nodded some more.

“So maybe tone it down a few hundred degrees until you get more used to all the fingers in your pie?”  He asked.

“In so many words, yeah.”

“Gotcha.” Frost paused. “Plus, I know I’m the best. You didn’t have to tell me.”

Jane rolled her eyes and grinned. “Asshat.” She peered at him as they turned the corner and saw the delight glittering in his brown eyes.  _I think I just hit a homerun._

“Whatever that is.” He laughed. “As long as all the fun isn’t sucked out of you…I don’t think I could deal with professional Jane all the time.”

“Hell, me either.”

“Okay, well we’re cool. Too much mushiness makes my asshole purple.”

Jane groaned. “That was bad and a whole different level of disgusting.”

Frost’s grin was huge. “It was wasn’t it?”

Jane shook her head. _I guess that makes it one to one._   They stopped in front of a three story apartment building. “Let’s work our way up. It’s time to shake some trees. There has to be a witness.”

*

The elevator dinged as it opened and Jane’s phone seemed to ring simultaneously. Unclipping it from her belt she peered down at it. “Go ahead, Frost. I’ll be there in a minute.”

He nodded and made his way toward the morgue.

“Yeah, ma?”

“So how does it feel?”

Jane smiled. “Really… like I never left.”  She began to walk slowly toward her destination.

Angela Rizzoli made a sound in the back of her throat. “That’s good, but that’s not what I’m talking about!”  Each word spoken got increasingly louder.

“Well, Christ I’m not two. You don’t have to yell.”  Jane exclaimed.

“Yes, I do.”

“No you do---“  Jane paused to collect herself. She was tired and at the moment easily annoyed. “Just what’s the problem, Ma?”

“I don’t go into your old room often but sue me for taking a header down memory lane. Imagine my surprise to see women’s panties on the floor!”

 _Ah damn. Play it cool Rizzoli._ “You have a grown man living at home with you, and you’re calling me about this?”

“Don’t you dare put this off on your brother Janie!”  Angela took a breath. “The women he likes have big hair and they are too low rent for panties like that.”

 _Fuck!_ Even though there was nobody around, Jane felt the heat of embarrassment flood her face.

“They look like they belong to a woman who likes Prada and Jimmy Chow or whatever his name is.”

Jane groaned. “Ma…look—“

“I was young once I know how it is with hormones and hands all over the place.”

Jane groaned louder. “I’m sorry. I—“

“Should I sanitize the room, Janie?”

“Oh God…”

The other end of the phone went suspiciously quiet before exploding in laughter. “Pick your face up off the floor. It’s okay I just wanted to tease you a bit. Did I scare you?” Angela asked.

Bringing a hand to her chest, Jane swallowed. “Why can’t you be normal?”

“Because my dear, you wouldn’t be who you are if I was.”

“You have a point.”  Jane added

“Don’t I always?”

“Are we done? I was on my way to the morgue.”

“Do you think Maura wants her panties back?  I mean they’re pretty much torn in two. Did we get a little anxious?”

“Jesus! I’m getting off the phone now!”  Jane whispered harshly.

“I think it’s cute that you two can’t keep your hands off each other.  Tell Maura--”

“Hanging up!”

Jane ended the call. She stood outside the doors to the morgue gathering herself. It had been one of the strangest conversations she ever had with her mother, and that was saying a lot. Jane sucked in a breath. _But she sounds happy. I know it’s because I am._  

Inadvertently, Jane’s mind flashed back to a couple of days ago, reliving the sounds, the smells, and just the feel of Maura wrapped around her. _Oh no, no, no. I will not think about that. I had plenty of that this morning._   Despite her self-talk, her stomach clenched dangerously. “I have will power. I am a professional.  I will be professional.” Jane muttered to herself as she opened the door.

Jane entered the area just in time to see Maura shake glorious dark blonde hair free of its confines. _Ah shit. See what you did, Ma. I would’ve been fine._   Jane’s heart thudded.

Maura glanced up and smiled. “You’re just in time. I finished the preliminary not too long ago. I can reiterate if you need me to now that you’re both here.”  She removed the topical gown, re-revealing a skirt that showed enough leg to distract and a cream colored blouse that looked soft enough to touch. The gloves were the last thing to go. It was like some strange striptease.

Jane cleared her throat as she walked up to the table to stand beside her partner. “Sure go ahead.”

“Well, the stab wounds are from three different knives.  The one that killed her was the second blow. It pierced the heart. The other seven wounds were just overkill.”

Watching each word fall from Maura’s lips, Jane was mesmerized. “Yeah?”  She offered uselessly.

“That means we probably have two maybe three perps. That’s the only thing that would make sense. I think it goes along well with our witness statements about seeing and hearing a group of girls partying it up last night.” Frost added. “I say we check out the closet college campus when we get done here.”

Jane looked at Frost and blinked before her attention again centered on Maura. Jane licked her lips and took deep measured breaths in hopes it would alleviate the knots wringing in her stomach.

“Each knife was no more than an inch to an inch and a half wide and four inches long. One of them was serrated. It was the one---“ Maura trailed off abruptly.

For some reason, their eyes met and Jane could see realization dawn.

“Um, the one to tear the aorta.” Maura continued breathlessly.  “It’s difficult to see, but if you lean in…”

Peering over Frost’s head as he stared into the open chest cavity intently, Jane did lean forward, but her gaze never strayed. The air around them stretched and heated.

Awareness singed the area around them further.

Jane’s hands clenched at her side. They literally ached to reach out and touch.  Green eyes glinted back at her in smoldering fashion. In those eyes, Jane was reminded of every intimate moment they shared to date live and in Technicolor.  Her heart came to a halt and the breath stilted in her chest.

“I can’t believe I didn’t get sick, but I don’t see…” Frost mumbled. “Hello?”  He asked louder.

Aware of the third party, Jane still couldn’t tear herself away.

“Aw man, do I need to go find something else to do?”

“I-“ Maura started. The look on her face indicated that she was torn.

“Yes.” Jane answered quickly.

“Fine! Professional Jane my ass.” Frost muttered as he made his way to the door.

The comment would have stung but he had no idea what it took to resist this long.

Jane moved forward only to have Maura back away, but the look in Maura’s eyes did not say rejection. For every step Jane took toward Maura, she took two steps back toward her office.  The unplanned game of cat and mouse heightened the palpable ache between them even more.

Before long, Maura had her back against the door.  Jane smiled as she closed in only to have the distance between them lengthen as the door swung open. Not missing a beat, she entered Maura’s office, and with a flick of her wrist locked the door behind her.

Maura leaned against her desk. Her hands curled around the lip as if she were holding on for dear life. “He’s…right. You are a bit of a hypocrite.”

“Mmm,”  Jane walked slowly toward her quarry. She removed her jacket and let it sink to the floor. “You’re right, but well, it’s my game. I can change the rules if I want.”

“What are the rules now?” Maura asked. Green eyes glittered.

“That I can have you whenever I want.”  Jane stopped an inch away.

Maura’s breathing increased. “You already do.”  She paused and swallowed. “It’s not very …professional.”

Jane leaned in until their lips were barely a whisper apart.  Her body made deliberate contact.  The room caught fire.  “Not if you look at it my way. My job is to make you happy, and I like being damn good at everything I do.” Jane burred.

“We have a case…” Maura continued.

“I know, but I can’t help myself. Make me stop.”  Jane countered.

A tense silence lapsed between them.

Unable to fight it any longer, their lips brushed and clung hotly.

Maura whimpered, and the distance between them disappeared.  Jane surged forward deepening the caress without warning.  Tongues battled and Jane shuddered as Maura’s hands buried themselves in her hair, cementing them together.

Jane’s hand went to familiar territory as they slid up incredibly soft thighs and inched the skirt that encased them out of the way. She knew somewhere in the world this was wrong. She knew that the girl on Maura’s slab should have taken precedence, but she knew with every atom in her body that there was no way to stop what she was feeling ---weak, helpless, incredibly turned on and strong at the same time.

“Jane… hurry.”




Jane listened to the urgency in Maura’s body. It was truly a wonder how things could burn so out of control between them with barely a touch. Pushing folders and bric-a-brac out of the way, Maura found purchase on the edge of her desk.  Jane widened her stance and wrapped her fingers around lacy panties. Taking deliberate care, she slid them down Maura’s thighs as far as they would go before stepping away to finish the journey.

Leaning forward once more, she nipped at Maura’s lips before kneeling in front of her.  Jane ignored the gasp from up above as she peered between Maura’s legs. It was a sight to behold…pink, swollen, and wet. Jane swiped her tongue through the folds teasingly before rising again. The taste was delectable as ever but she had other intentions.  Jane’s stomach tightened and her thighs clenched at the thought.

Maura’s answering strangled groan was like music to her ears. “J-Jane.”

“I wish I had a cock.”  Jane whispered heatedly. “My hands could be all over you while I fuck you.”

Maura’s breath hitched and went decidedly ragged.  The subsequent moan that escaped was loud and needy.

“You like that idea?”

“Yess,” Maura hissed.

“Mmm, so do I.”  Jane murmured as her hands slithered back up Maura’s thighs, dragging her nails against the expanse of skin.

“Jane,” Maura pleaded.

“Just shut up and fuck you?”

“Yes…God, yes.”

*

A deep sense of satisfaction rumbled through Jane. She pushed a hand through her hair once more, trying to make the messiness look deliberate. She entered the squad room with her head held high and jacket swung over her shoulder.

Before she even sat down, Frost wheeled his chair toward her. Reaching out for her desk, he stopped himself and flashed her an evil grin. “So, I have a question…well it’s more of a comment/question.”

“Yes?”  Jane growled, knowing what it was going to be about.

“Trust me when I say I understand the whole new relationship…gotta have it thing.”

“I know I’m a hypocrite with talking about the whole professional—“ Jane added.

Frost held up a hand, “Let me finish. I was wondering though. How can I keep my fingers out of your pie when you eat it in front of me?”  He finished with a self- satisfied grin.

Jane’s eyes narrowed, but she conceded. “You could have a point, but let me ask you. If you really wanted pie and knew you could have it anywhere you wanted, wouldn’t you be eating it all over the place too?”

Jane nodded her head in Korsak’s direction as he came toward them well within earshot.

Frost’s expression turned thoughtful.  He opened his mouth then shut it again. After a few more seconds, he asked. “Taking into account that the pie likes to be eaten?”

“Oh yeah.”  Jane answered.

“Then, yeah. I probably would.”

Korsak leaned against Jane’s desk. “All this talk about sweets. I don’t go for them much. I’m strictly a meat—“

Jane peered at Frost and laughter erupted.

The growing red tinge in Korsak’s face only capitalized on the hilarity.  “You weren’t talking about sweets were you?”

Jane snorted.

 

**

Maura’s hand shook as she reapplied lipstick. She knew from the beginning, when this started that it was going to be unpredictable and out of control.

She had not been disappointed.

Still, in no way had she expected anything of this caliber. If she were a lesser woman, Maura knew she would have been frightened by the intensity between her and Jane.  Somehow, she only fell deeper and Maura knew a kiss or a touch would never be enough. _We’ll never be done with each other._

Rising from her desk, Maura spied something on the floor. As she got closer it looked more and more familiar.  She picked up the leather encased cell phone.  Immediately curious, Maura opened it. Going through the contacts, she laughed out loud at the picture of Angela Rizzoli doing what she did best, talking. 

Maura literally melted when she scrolled to her name. The picture was of her sleeping gloriously naked  but hiding underneath a strategically place sheet.  The small smile and the utter contentment on her face spoke volumes.  Going with an impulse, Maura dialed a very familiar number.

“Rizzoli.”

“You have a picture of me in your phone.”

“That I do.” Maura could hear the smile in Jane’s voice.

“May I ask when you took it?”

“The night after we… you know.”

“Why?”  Maura asked softly.

“Because… I put that look on your face.”

Maura sucked in a breath as emotion floored her. “God, Jane. I don’t understand how I could feel this way and walk around functioning.”

“I know the feeling, Maura.”

Maura swallowed as she tried to center herself. “I could send your phone up with one of my assistants.”

“Or I could come get it.” Jane countered.

“That wouldn’t be wise.” Maura heard the husky quality of her own voice.

Jane exhaled shakily. “Still? After this morning and ten minutes ago?”

“Always.”

“Yeah, I know that feeling too.”  Jane paused. “Is it always going to be like this…you think?”

“I don’t have a frame of reference for this.”

“Hell, I don’t either.”

“In fact, I don’t understand how we’re going to get any work done.”  Maura said.

“You could always say no.”

“No…I can’t.”

Maura could hear Jane’s hard swallow. “And I don’t know if I can stop touching you.“  Jane whispered. “Are you feeling guilty?” She asked solemnly.

“I don’t believe so. Even though maybe I should. Are you?”

“I feel a tad bit unprofessional especially after the talk I had with Frost, and our Jane Doe should have been at the top of my list.”  Jane paused. “But you know what I felt the most, Maura? The need to be with you.”

Maura released a breath she wasn’t aware of holding. “I don’t want your job to suffer. You just got back—“

“I sure as hell don’t want us to suffer either. Maybe this is what Turner meant.”  Jane sounded pained.

“I don’t understand.”

“Nothing I can go into right now. I think we have to find some kind of happy medium.”

“And a bit of self- control?”  Maura added.

“Possibly.”

“I think that’s going to be extremely difficult.”

“Here, here. I guess I’ll just have to come down to the morgue blindfolded.”  Jane muttered.

“I think Frost will find that a tad strange.”

“Not for me he won’t, but I can still smell you, hear you, and feel you.”  Jane’s tone dropped to a growl.

Maura’s stomach clenched into a hard knot. She put a hand over it to calm the fluttering. “When you say such things… it’s the reason I can’t say no.”

“Then, we’re in trouble because I don’t know how not to say them anymore.”

Maura closed her eyes as the world slowly tilted and righted itself.  “Jane, I—“

The sound of Frost in the background interrupted them.  “You have to go?” Maura asked.

Jane’s voice muffled for a few seconds then returned. “Yeah, we’re going to check out the closest colleges. Too bad nothing turned up from missing persons. It would’ve helped.”

“I’m sure. I’ll make sure your phone gets to your desk.”

“Don’t worry about it… unless. Are you going to be sitting there waiting with it…ready for me?”  Jane asked huskily.

With her eyes closed, those words initiated an awareness so powerful that it made Maura dizzy. She leaned against her desk for support.  “Jane …if that’s what you wanted.” Maura barely recognized her own voice.

“Jesus Maura, I always want.. remember?”

Maura released a ragged breath. _It’s almost too much._

The muffled sounds returned. “I’ll be there in a minute. Keep your damn pants on.”  Jane exclaimed, bringing them back to reality.

“I’ll let you go.”

“No you’d better not…ever.” Jane added.

The words were heavy but simultaneously lighter than air. They settled between them, inexplicably binding them.

“I don’t think that’s possible at this point.”  If Jane’s words bound them, the Maura’s cemented their fate. “Later, then?”

“Yeah, later.”

Later could not come soon enough for Maura.

Barely a few seconds after she hit the end button, there was a knock at her office door. Knowing it was more than likely someone she worked with, Maura pulled herself together as quickly as she could.  “Yes…come in.”

The door opened.

“Dr. Isles, these came for you a few minutes ago.”

Maura peered wide eyed at the very colorful display of flowers. Some she could tell were blue violets. The others were obviously a kind of perennial surrounded by verdant green leaves that seemed to glimmer. It was an odd bouquet to say the least. Confused and intrigued she accepted the gift. “Thanks for taking care of this.”

The young man smiled winningly before leaving without a word.

Maura reached for the card. “I’ll always look out for you. Be happy.”  It was unsigned and plain. There was no water mark or any indicator of where it came from. She sifted through the paper they were wrapped in, but further evidence was lacking. Her confusion increased. They definitely weren’t from Jane. “This doesn’t make sense.  I’m not in danger.”  Knowing that every flower had a meaning, Maura, with the card firmly in her fingertips, went to her computer.

Going through an array of pictures on Google, she found what she was looking for-- Nasturtium, a common perennial that just happened to be edible.  Maura glanced at its meaning—to conquer or win in battle. Blue violets meant watchfulness and faithfulness. Completely confounded, Maura wasn’t in need of protection and there was no pending war or unseen foe to defeat or conquer.  She peered at the card again and flipped it over.

There was nothing.

Maura was intrigued by the mystery behind this, but without more clues, she knew it was hopeless. She picked up desk phone and pressed a few numbers.  “Andrew, did the delivery person have a uniform or anything to indicate what florist was used?”

“No, but he did introduce himself. I thought that was odd. His name was Mick, and he was a rather large man. There was no uniform and he said the flowers were for the Doc.”

“You assumed he was talking about me?”  Maura racked her brain going through present and past acquaintances but came up empty.

“Well…yes. You are the only female doctor here.”

“Men can receive flowers as well, Andrew. It’s the 21st century.”

“Ah, well. Good point. Oh, just to let you know everything you wanted tagged concerning the Jane Doe has been distributed to the proper departments. We’ve also come to the conclusion that the bruising on her genitalia wasn’t from sexual contact. It came from being kicked or hit in the area repeatedly.”

“Thanks, Andrew I’ll pass the news along.”  Just like that, Maura was reminded that she had work to do.  Hanging up the phone, she glanced at the flowers once more before rising to get to work.  _At least they’ll be good in a salad_. It was her final thought as she exited her office.

**

Robert Pearson's entire body shuddered as he peered into the brightest light he had ever seen. He reached out for it but found that his arms were too heavy to lift. Slowly, the light began to dim. With each labored breath he took, the light dissipated a bit more.

Then, there was nothing.

Patrick Doyle watched while life seeped from his quarry's eyes and felt nothing but grim satisfaction. He looked over his shoulder upon hearing a door open.

Mickey walked with purpose toward him. "It's done," he muttered.

"So is this." Paddy responded.

They stared at the lifeless body in front of them as if it were a daily occurrence. "You think she'll figure the flower thing out?" Mickey asked.

"Maybe...maybe not, but it's over. He was going to turn into a very dangerous man." Paddy cleared his throat and became introspective. Every death he participated in had a reason behind it. This one had the best reason of all. "Make it like he never existed. Then, it's time for a vacation maybe somewhere to the south. It's cold as shit here."

**

Jane got into the driver’s seat and closed her eyes as Frost buckled his seat belt. She was bone tired, but it was a good tired…the kind that reminded her she was alive. Still, the conversation she had with Maura, while it titillated, left her mostly disturbed.

Turner’s words rang in her head, haunting her. One question turned around and around in her consciousness. Were her feelings for Maura starting to affect her job?  Not too long ago she pursued every case with a single mindedness that left room for little else. Now, Maura seemed to be the priority when a murder victim usually had the honor.

Jane sighed as a pang of guilt assailed her. _I was between Maura’s legs while our Jane Doe sat on the slab waiting on us._ She shook her head to clear it. Even now when her mind should have been focused on the short list of colleges they were checking out, her thoughts swayed toward Maura. _Damn it. How the fuck do I contain this?_

“I know it’s getting late but let’s get in one more before we call it a night. We may get lucky. It’s an all girls college. They could be catty enough to kick a girl in the genitals.” Frost said.

Shaken from morose thoughts, Jane tried vehemently to get her head in the game. She cleared her throat. “What’s the name and address?’

“Smather’s College. I’ll put it in the GPS. No worries.”  Frost peered at her as he typed. “You all right?”

“Yeah, just tired.”

“Mmm,” he responded.

“What?” Jane asked irritably.

“I didn’t say anything, but you obviously have something to tell.”

Jane started the car, but they just sat there as she turned her head to peer at her partner. “What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked while glaring.

Frost shrugged. “I don’t know, man. You tell me. You look like you’ve been sucking lemons one minute then far away in Egypt the next.”  He glared right back.

 _Here we go. Everybody wants to know about my feelings._   Jane felt the walls go up. “I just have a lot on my mind. Is that okay with you?”

“No, not really.”

“Well, get over it.”

Before Jane could blink, Frost had taken the keys out of the ignition. “I don’t think so.”

“Fuck, Frost! We’ve already wasted enough time.”

“What are you talking about? We’ve been working on this all day.”

Jane turned away and looked out the driver’s side window into the semi-darkness. “We goofed off plenty.”  She mumbled.

Frost sat in silence for a few seconds obviously translating what had been said.  “Oh hell, no what are you bi-polar or something? You mean that you goofed off? We had this conversation remember? Professional Jane versus fun Jane and pies. I thought things were resolved.”

“Barry—“

“Get over yourself, Jane. No, it wasn’t the most appropriate thing, but move on. No part of your life has to suffer unless you want it to.  Do you want it to?”

“Well…no.”

Frost put the keys back in the ignition. “Then drive. You may be a detective but you don’t have to over think everything.”

Jane peered at her partner, remembering he had only talked to her like this once before, in the hospital. He had been right then and maybe he was right now. Either way, it wasn’t the time to contemplate. She started the car.

*

Jane slammed the car door and walked briskly toward the first and smallest sorority house on the campus. Frost was at her side. “Speaking of luck, I hope these girls aren’t as perky as the last ones. It’s gotta hurt to smile that long.”

Frost chuckled and clapped Jane on the back. “Welcome back, now let’s go find us some pretty little liars.  I have to say it’s a good thing Thanksgiving Break started. The less of them we have to deal with the better.”

“Shit, I still can’t believe I forgot about Thanksgiving. No one’s even mentioned it, even Ma.”

“I imagine everybody was more concerned about you.”

The sound of a gunshot made them both stop cold. They ducked and removed their weapons. “Call it in,” Jane whispered.

Her eyes scanned the immediate area and she was thankful that it seemed to be a slow night.

Another shot rang out.

“Shit!”

“Campus cops are on their way!”

“Good.” They moved closer. Jane noticed the door was slightly ajar.

“We gonna wait?”

“Fuck no. It’s always better to have somebody on the inside if you ask me.”

Frost grinned. “Well, I just asked.”

Jane grinned in return but sobered almost immediately. “Okay, if this gets hairy, let me do the talking. Stay out of sight as long as you can and communicate with campus PD.”

“I got this and your back. Don’t worry.”

They scurried up the steps quickly.  Jane took the right side while Frost lingered to the left of the door. They nodded at each other communicating silently.

Using the barrel of her gun, Jane pushed the door opened slowly, praying all the while that it wouldn’t squeak.

It didn’t.

Frost entered first while Jane looked for signs of life.

They were disappointed because the only things present were two dead bodies. Keeping her back to the wall, she continued to scan the room.  Jane used a hand signal urging Frost left while she panned around to the right.

She was in her element and her body recognized that fact.

Swiftly and efficiently, they searched the dining area and the kitchen. All was clear. Allowing Jane a second to stop and listen.  The sure sound of movement and muffled noises could be discerned. “Upstairs.” Jane mouthed.

Frost nodded.

The sudden sound of sirens was a welcome relief to Jane.

“No!”

Apparently, it wasn’t so for someone else.

There was a scream then another shot followed by the sound of someone running. Moving as fast as she could, Jane moved to the side of the stairwell out of sight and waved Frost toward the kitchen.

Jane heard a loud squeak come from Frost’s direction.

 _Fuck! Please tell me you didn’t hear that!_  Jane’s mind yelled as she crouched and waited.

“Who’s down there?!” The female’s voice was urgent and afraid. “Hello!”

Suddenly shots rang out traveling blindly into the living area.

Jane’s heart jumped in her throat and adrenaline made her blood sing. Her thoughts scattered and the creeping fingers of fear took hold. _Maura._ The notion of not seeing her again dug into her psyche. Jane took in a shaky but silent breath and tried vehemently to center herself.  _Do your fucking job Rizzoli!_

“I know someone’s down there! Leave me alone! I have to do this!”

 “Help! Somebody! She’s crazy!”  A chorus of at least two other voices cried out.

“SHUT UP! I’m crazy? After what you did! You don’t deserve to speak! You don’t deserve to live! All she wanted was to be a sister!”

The cries were banked into sobs.

“Get up!” The woman commanded.

There was a loud fumbling. The floor boards at the top of the stairwell creaked. Several sets of feet shuffled down the stairs.

Jane swallowed. _Focus!_ It was now or never.  It was time for her to play good cop and for Frost to be invisible until needed cop.  She unloaded her weapon and held the clip tightly in her hand.

“You’re right. Someone’s here!” Jane exclaimed.

A vase exploded.

“Show yourself! I won’t let you stop me!”

“My name is Detective Jane Rizzoli. If you look in front of you, you’ll see my clip sliding across the floor.” She followed her words with action.  “In a second, you will see another clip in about the same place.”

“Why are you here?!”

“I’m investigating a murder.”

“My sister! They killed her!”

“Then let me finish what you started. Let me bring them in and finish this.” Jane countered.

“They’re rich and white. They’ll get away with it!”

“No, they won’t.”  Jane emptied her gun completely. “That’s the bullet that was in the chamber. Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

The floodgates opened. “She wanted to be a part of this stupid fucking sorority. I-I tried to talk her out of it. Why would they want her no matter how white she looked? She came back home with bruises almost every night. They treated her like a slave! Called her the house nigger and she took it!” Crying ensued.

To Jane it was a lull in conversation. “I’m listening, but I told you my name. Can you tell me yours now?”

For a few seconds a broken sob was her only answer. “Kesha.”

“Okay, Kesha I’m going to move where you can see me. I surrendered both my clips. I want you to see me lower my weapon. You can trust me, but can I trust you? No more shots, okay?”

At first there was silence.  “Yes.”

“Okay.  I’m near the back and I’m walking slowly. You should be able to see me in a few seconds. I’m holding my hands up so you can see my gun.”

Jane came from around the corner. The first thing she saw was two extremely frightened women. Behind them, stood Kesha tall and heavy set with eyes full of tears and pain. One of the other girls whimpered and attempted to scurry away. Wrapping her hand in her hair, Kesha pulled her back down.

Jane looked the hostages in the eye. “Do what she says. Don’t move.”  Jane bent at the knee and placed her gun on the stairs.  “Hi, Kesha. What was your sister’s name?” She asked softly.

“A-April.”

“Tell me more about what happened to April.”

“Are you alone?”

“No, I’m not. There are police outside but they won’t come in unless I tell them to or they hear another shot. You’re not going to use that gun again are you?” Jane asked again.

“No, not right now…I don’ think.”

“Good, now what happened to your sister?”

Eager to unburden the pain, Kesha continued. “Last night she said it was going to all pay off. She was going to be a full member. She never came home! I came looking for her and they were all messed up on something. They just laughed at me!”

Kesha paused and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.  “Do you know how easy it is to buy a gun on the street Detective?”

Jane nodded. “I do.”

“I came back with the gun and grabbed one of them. They were all down here talking.  They didn’t laugh anymore.”  Kesha shook her head. “Why…why did they do it? I don’t understand. She told me they were drunk and high and it got out of hand.  H-how did they do it detective?”

“If I tell you you’re going to keep your promise right?”

Kesha nodded.

“She was stabbed.”

Kesha began to wail in earnest. “Stabbed! Stabbed? How do you accidentally stab someone?!”

“It was!” One of the girls cried. She pointed at one of the dead bodies on the floor. “We were going to carve our initials in her back… to show ownership. Cindy tripped. There was so much blood. We didn’t know what else to do. It was her idea to make it look like a rape!”

“WHAT!?”  Kesha pulled hard on the girl’s hair. “How could you do that to her?!”

“Please don’t hurt me. Please!”

Kesha’s eyes went wild. She pressed the muzzle of the gun to the other woman’s head.

“Kesha!”  Jane yelled.

“No!”

“You promised.” Jane whispered.

“I c-can’t!”

“If you shoot, this is not going to end well.”

“I don’t care!”

“What about your parents would they care? Would April want this?”

Realization and surprise spread across Kesha’s features.

“They love you. Their hearts are already going to be broken. Don’t break it anymore.” Jane said. Her voice was calm, soothing.

There was a moment of stillness before Kesha exploded again. “What do you know?! You look just like them!” She punctuated her exclamation by slamming the weapon into the side of one of the girls’ head.  A weak scream was the only response. Then, she aimed the gun in Jane’s direction. Her hand shook dangerously.

Staring at the barrel of the gun, Jane attempted to swallow down rising apprehension and maintain the detachment needed to work through this situation. Sudden emotion crawled violently at her throat, freeing itself. Her heart rattled in her chest. _Jesus._ She was inundated with memories— snapshots of Maura laughing, smiling, and peering at her with nothing but love in her eyes. Her chest burned. Her eyes burned. Her heart ached. It was too much to hold in….too much to try to control. Jane set it free. “You won’t…you can’t shoot me. Someone loves me too. I can’t leave her. I won’t...”

Jane shook her head, letting her feelings spill into her voice. Strength welled within and she spoke with conviction. “You’d put her through the pain you’re feeling? You’d put my family through it? All you have to do is give me the gun. They’ll pay for this but don’t give anymore of yourself to them. They don’t deserve it.”  Jane reached out her hand. Just like that, calmness descended upon her.  She held Kesha’s gaze.

The anger seemed to seep from Kesha and the gun looked too heavy for her to hold. Her hand shook uncontrollably and it fell from her fingertips. Jane lunged forward as the two hostages barreled past her. She caught it effortlessly.  “We’re clear, Frost!” Jane’s voice rang out strong but laden with emotion.

Merely seconds upon hearing his name, Barry Frost was there. Jane handed him the weapon. He squeezed her shoulder, and she nodded in response, signaling the end of a heartfelt but silent conversation.

As police filed in, Jane peered up at Kesha. Her legs buckled and Jane rushed up the stairs intent on catching her. Successful, she brought them both to a sitting position. Kesha sobbed and leaned into Jane. Wrapping her arm around her, Jane whispered, “We have to go now sweetie.” Glancing up, she saw officers rushing toward them. Jane shot them a hard glare. This called for a softer touch.

Rising slowly, Jane brought Kesha with her.

“I-I didn’t want her to feel the way I do. I don’t want anybody to feel this way.”

Jane nodded in understanding and handed Kesha off to a female officer.

Jane stood in the middle of chaos and pushed a shaking hand through her hair.  Turner had been dead on. Her emotions could be a weakness only if she allowed it. It had been up to her all along to figure out how to own them and let them become a strength. Time seemed to stop as the realization sank deep within her core. Separate, she was a shell coated in misery.  Jane  sucked in a deep cleansing breath as enlightenment tunneled further within. The moment Maura Isles blasted through Kevlar walls, happiness trailed in behind her. There was no Jane without Maura. 

The last puzzle piece slid into place.

Jane was complete.

Her heart thudded with the knowledge. Galvanized into action, she headed purposely for the door, but the sudden hand on her elbow stopped her.

Jane turned quickly intent on seeing the person who had the audacity to impede her progress.

“Detective Rizzoli, sorry. I’ve been saying your name for the past five minutes. Are you all right? Do you need to see a doctor before we talk about what happened here?”

Jane peered at the man. He was older, balding but had a kind face. “You’ll have my complete report in the morning. We can talk then,” she said gruffly.

“Detective?” He looked surprised, confused.

“She’s ready to talk. All of them probably are. She’s not going to ask for a lawyer. Just remember her sister was murdered. We got our guys and you got yours.”  Jane added as she continued her journey.

He shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t just—“

“I’ll give you what you need. I was here too, remember?” Frost interrupted. “But, I’ll probably need a ride home.”

Jane smiled in thanks. Home. It was the place she wanted to be. It was the place she needed to be.

**

Jane rushed through the door. Before it was even closed, she called Maura’s name, urgently, loudly.  After barely a few seconds, she did it again. “Maura!”

The door to the kitchen swished open. “Sorry, I was on the phone.”

Breath stilted in Jane’s chest as emotion rolled through her. She let it seep through her eyes, her pores as she stared at the woman who was responsible for it all.

The distance between them closed, but Jane was unsure who was responsible for that and she didn’t care. She pulled Maura into a crushing hug and buried her face in thick blonde hair. She had to feel her, smell her.

“Jane?”  Maura mumbled even as she returned the embrace.

Upon hearing her name, Jane shuddered.

Reluctantly, Maura stepped away and reached out touching Jane’s face with hesitant fingertips. Hazel eyes widened.  “A-are you okay? Did something happen? You’re scaring me, Jane.”

Jane closed her eyes and leaned into the touch.  “Don’t be scared.” Jane swallowed. “It was you…you happened, and I am so in love with you.”

Maura’s gasp was loud. Her eyes filled with tears. “Ja-ne?” Her face shined with relief and wonder.

Jane nodded and Maura was in her arms again. Their foreheads touched. “Okay?” Jane murmured just before their lips met.

“Okay,” Maura answered as they got lost in the gravity of the moment.

 

 The End

 


End file.
